Happy Birthday

Today is LKY's 90th Birthday. For the past few days there has been lots of tributes in the papers on his achievements in transforming Singapore.

Though I am not like the LKY-adoring "grateful old" of my parents' generation (having been influenced by the critiques of the Gen X and Gen Y), just 2 things which drew my attention lately have made me sufficiently appreciative for all he has done for our country.

First is a mundane report that the Malaysian Government is relaunching an effort to spruce up Kuala Lumpur's Klang River. The article describes how unbearably filthy and smelly the river is that even pedestrians avoid taking the footpath along its banks. When I read that I instantly recalled how 50 years ago I used to suffer the stench when accompanying my mother to the Central Market at KL. My sister's school was also located at the Old Klang Road which was parallel to the Klang River meandering from Port Klang to KL. In my childhood memory the brown waters of the river which seemed to stretch forever was a landmark when visiting my sister's school. I can't believe that 50 years forward, the conditions of the river is unchanged if not worse, having been described as "between critical and bad" by Gareth Jones of Wessex Water, a UK based company. Can you imagine if Singapore has the fortune of such a river, it would have been made into a tourist hub of miles of alfresco dining and water sports. Looking out from any building along our Singapore River is enough to make one proud and grateful.

My daughter just met up with a college friend who is a Malaysian working in KL. Though we read in the papers about the frequent crimes in Malaysia, it only strikes you as very real and rampant when heard first hand from the locals. The girl narrated several incidents that happened to friends and relatives eg being slashed on the neck when opening the car door just parked outside a condo, another needing a cornea transplant when the car's front screen was smashed before his very eyes and robbers who wait no time to cause grievous hurt. Hearing all these accounts make me postpone my trip to KL, something which I often used to do to reminisce my childhood. Now KL seems to me a lawless city, a cowboy town without a sheriff.

I used KL to compare with Singapore because it is very real for me, ie. I could have ended up in KL if alternative decisions were made some decades ago. It also pains me to see how conditions have deteriorated in this idyllic town of my memories. No one would have envisaged how vastly different the 2 countries have become. It just takes one visionary man to make the difference and in the lives of many.

My struggle with Chinese

Having completed 5 modules of Fundamental Dharma Course in English at the Sagaramudra Society I had to wait until next year for them to conduct the Dharma Progressive course in English. It would be the first time they will be conducting the progressive course in English although they have conducted the course in Chinese for several years. Just to accompany my sister-in-law I enrolled myself in the Chinese Progressive Dharma course.

I was really apprehensive as to how much I would be able to gather from the class given my limited Chinese knowledge. However I was inspired when a Chinese educated classmate (who attended both the English and Chinese Fundamental courses) related how she diligently went through the English text, looking up the dictionary, before each English class. So for 2 lessons now I did much the same looking up the Chinese dictionary to understand the Chinese text before attending class.

However I think there is a difference here. I am not sure whether it is a fair statement coming from an English educated background, but I really think it is harder to understand Chinese just by looking up the dictionary, word for word. If you ignore the English grammar construction, once you find out the meaning of the unfamiliar words you can probably guess the meaning of an English text. The same can not be said of Chinese. Many times I still don't get the meaning even after dutifully and diligently looking up each difficult word. This is especially so when the text is in the form of verses, given the economy of words in Chinese verses and multiple meaning even for each word. However such frustrations can change to delight when the teacher explains the meaning of those verses in class and you can not but marvel at how apt and concise those few words are in each line. You also find yourself rather stupid trying to read word for word when at times you should be reading 2 words or more together to get the meaning. (But of course a good dictionary would certainly help) Still it does take me quite awhile sometimes to realize that the 2 or 3 words together actually refer to the name of a character or a place!

Tough though it is I am beginning to enjoy it. In fact I am now beginning to wonder at the vast treasures I have missed not knowing this language. I guess when I have better mastery I wouldn't be so lost. Hopefully with a bit of hard work and perseverance;
Iwouldknowwhentolinkwordstogethertoknowtheirmeaning  as in reading English

(Also it has been said that learning a language is a good way to keep dementia at bay)

Volunteering, Why Me?

A writer to the forum page makes a good attempt to analyse the lack of volunteerism in Singapore. She cited 4 possible reasons being :
1) people are too weary and what little time left besides working is needed for recuperation
2)we are brought up with the "every man for himself" mentality
3)the "new rich" always feel poor compared to the"super rich"
4)the feeling that every other person is doing well given the high ranking of almost everything in our country, be it health, education, safety, housing etc.

Whilst I think the first reason certainly plays a part, I doubt the prevalence of the mentality cited as the second reason. I believe most people have empathy for the less privileged but may feel they do not have the time or resources to help.

Now the third reason may have some degree of validity. Just turning the pages of the newspaper filled with pictures of luxury homes, cars, bespoke kitchen/bathroom fittings, travel destinations, expensive enrichment classes, fine dining etc can possibly make one feel poor and "hey there are countless rich people who can help". In fact sometimes I do wonder whether the likes of the Philip Ng,  (named richest man in Spore) will give instruction to his PA to write a cheque when reading about people/families who met with misfortune and in need of financial help. You see on some occasions when I write a cheque, I tend to wonder the appropriate amount (eg. if the medical bill of someone amounts to half a million, all it takes is 500 people to write a $1,000 cheque or a few rich guys to settle the bill). Should "what you can afford" be taken in the context of a sole donor or an estimate of the possible number of donors.

As for the 4th reason postulated there could be some validity as well. Sometimes when you are bombarded with all the good things happening in your own country, you do have this feeling that everybody is well and happy. In fact one may even feel out of place to feel low/moody when everyone else (especially in face book, haha ) feels on top of the world.

The writer then went on to suggest that corporates take the first step to involve their staff in volunteering. lessening any initial discomfort when carried out as a group. I also feel that only through volunteering and being involved will one become more aware of the help needed out there.

In Buddhist teachings, making an offering also helps one to be less attached to one's belongings thereby practicing detachment. As such it is not about the fairness of giving as a proportion of how much you have, but a matter of willing to give up what is deemed 'yours'. This includes 'your' time. So if your time is not really yours, why not you?

Baby Boomers & Gen Y

Someone shared an article in Huffington Post about how Gen Y views career and relationship. An extract reads as follow:

"A job used to be a long-term arrangement whereby you provided skills and your employer provided compensation for said skills - end of story. Today's workplace seems to be much more than just a marketplace. For millennials, 'work' has almost taken on a spiritual obligation - it has become a place where we are meant to find meaning and redeem not only ourselves but also the world around us."
 
"They want a meaningful job, but what if they don't want to give up their 'quality of life'? They want the freedom of running a business but how can they do it without the risk? They want to switch industries but can they do it without starting at the bottom all over again"

The article also describes what the millennials expect of a relationship which used to take almost a whole village to provide including; safety and desire, belonging but identity, continuity but mystery/awe, familiarity and novelty, predictability and surprise".

Now I wonder what is it that makes my generation, the baby boomers, so easily contented. When we started out on a career it was aptly described as selling our skill or service just to earn a salary to pay back our parents and help support the family. We waited patiently for the promotion that came with modest salary increment and warily registered our interest in another role in the company whilst careful not to be seen as trying to kick the incumbent out of the coveted job. We didn't really expect our job to make our lives fulfilling and resorted to hobbies and extra curricular activities to fill the gap. What a far cry from the Gen Ys who expect the job to be challenging yet provide work life balance, well paid yet meaningful to society , secure yet adventurous. (Incidentally the Gen Ys so described by the writer refers to many well educated professionals in London and NY and may not apply to many Singapore youths who  focus on earning big money above all else. Their expectations especially for quantum job advancement with work life balance is the same though). What I am trying to figure out is why we, the baby boomers, could wait whilst the Gen Ys want it almost immediately. Didn't we wait until mid-life crisis before taking a serious milestone review? Are we pathetic fools to have waited so long?

The same goes with our attitude towards relationship. How come we could tolerate the lack of surprises, romance, adventure and often lack of "identity" for many women? How did we live for years as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and where mystery comes only in the form of a deeply discounted Batam getaway booked at a Nata Travel fair?

I guess the biggest strength that baby boomer have is "patience" cultivated in our upbringing. Someone once describes patience as the ability to bear with unpleasantness. I guess we could because we have seen worse in early years or in our parents' lives and we are appreciative of safety and certainty. We don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily.

However we have also to bear in mind the boat may not carry us far. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west we could also surely be found lifeless in the boat of stagnant waters.

Snubbed

“I was the only person in the store. I had dressed myself up extra special.because I know things can get very snobby in these kinds of stores.”

“The employees first check out what clothes you are wearing. Therefore I chose a Donna Karan outfit and even washed my hair”

“The woman did not want to get down the bag which I wanted to look at. The effort was too much for her. She said to me that the bag was simply too expansive…..Instead she tossed me cheaper bags.”

“To be honest if I have known upfront what this damned bag cost, do you know what? This woman was right: I would not have bought the thing, far too expensive. Too expensive! $38,000. I would have fainted when I saw this price tag!"

The above was an extract from Oprah Winfrey's interview with a reporter after having related in her talk show about her encounter with racism in a Zurich boutique.

I am really really amazed that even America's richest woman faces the same experiences as we do, snubbed at ie. I find the above revelation extremely comical and funny especially the part about her washing her hair and donning some branded clothes before entering the store. To think that even the richest woman can be snubbed at gives comfort and do justice to the many many more times that we too are being snubbed at. It also makes us feel less embarrassed when we intentionally put on a seemingly wealthier look or pretending to be of higher class before going to certain places. I have all along suspected my lack of self esteem for not being brave enough to step into stores selling luxury brands, but am now assured that it is quite a common feeling.

But here again Oprah was referring to racism and went on to say that is what black and brown skinned people experience daily. The owner of the store has come out to defend his employee explaining it as a misunderstanding and definitely not racism. The incident has stirred up a barrage of comments in the web. Many have accused Oprah of being over sensitive and some suspect she was angry at not being recognised. One comment asked her to drop the "Don't you know who I am?" attitude whilst another said that Swiss unlike Americans do not gush over US celebrities that enter their shop.

So what is the moral of the story?
I think If you define yourself by how others define you, you will not feel rich even if you really are the richest..


(Incidentally I am amazed Oprah said she would have fainted if she knew the bag costs 38K. Tons of women spend more than 5K on a bag and their net worth is an infinite miniscule fraction of hers)

Writings on the Wall

So there used to be a good view from my bedroom window looking into the distance which is where Tampines and Pasir Ris are in the east. The minaret of a Mosque about 300 metres away is clearly visible and sometimes the scene can be quite mystical, like when the minaret remains clear and bright whilst surrounded by rain clouds or when the first ray of sunrise beams around it. When a low rise apartment was built next to the mosque 2 years ago what is left of the minaret is just its conical crown from my window.

My neighbour 3 doors away sold their house recently and it is now under reconstruction after being torn down. I watched the construction progress in horror as the steel bars extended upwards and outwards near to the front gate. It being a semi-detached house sharing a common wall with its lower neighbouring house and with the built in area pushed all the way to the front, I realise I would soon be staring at a huge tall piece of wall when I look out of my bedroom window. This morning I took a photo of the view before the last of the minaret disappears behind the solid walls.

I thought to myself, this very picture that I have taken, this very view will perhaps be lost forever. To restore this very picture many conditions have to be present. This new house has to be demolished, the other 3 neighbouring houses (2 with long driveways) must not be rebuilt to block the view, my own house has to remain as it is and I, the viewer must still be around; for how is a view to be recognised (even if restored) if the viewer is not there to see it.

Isn't  it the same experience with every moment in time?

Perhaps this blank wall can serve as a reminder for me when I wake up every morning. There are writings on the wall after all.

The little yellow bicycle

One difficulty I face when engaging sandplay therapy with my clients at the children's home is how to say "No" when the children ask to keep a certain little toy or figurine. One has to muster a firmness of heart to counteract the coy and wanting look in their eyes.

Sandplay therapy involves the display of a whole array of little toys, figurines and symbols which is very attractive to look at. The client selects items to be placed in the tray to create a sand picture or story. Most children have a moving tray ie. a running drama or story. In early trays the pictures represent their outer world ie. the present living conditions/story; whilst in later trays stories from their subconscious world may emerge (which they themselves can be oblivious of). The children often uncannily select the same symbols repeatedly for several sessions. It is therefore not uncommon for them to be attached to certain item and ask to keep them. We must also not forget that these children come from very deprived financial and social family background which was the reason they landed in the home in the first place.

My firm response has always been based on the need to share and to keep the collection intact for the benefit of all.  Despite that I had to solicit the help of the in house social worker once to retrieve an item from a very young client who was also duly reprimanded. Sometimes it is very hard on me to say no because it costs very little for me to replace the items and my heart goes out for them.

Yesterday a boy asked me "Will you be very angry if this bicycle is lost?" whilst toying with the miniature bicycle. I told him I won't be upset if it was lost but would be if someone takes it without asking. "That means you will be angry lah" he remarked. Later a girl asked to keep the piece of purplish pink chalk which she had used to colour every inch of a white sheet with vigour. Her presenting issue was selective mutism and she had started conversing with me and opening up. Shouldn't I reinforce with a small harmless gift? Again I had to be firm as I could see the consequence of  a crowd  streaming in to ask for things.

As I walked out of the Home's premise I noticed  a row of cars parked along the road including Merc, BMW and Lexus. Opposite the Children's Home is a Montessori Branch. I presume a Montessori session, the fees of which may be equivalent to the monthly wage of another person, is about to end. My mind reflected on the little yellow miniature bicycle, the piece of purplish pink chalk, my little clients and the children who will be streaming out of Montessori into the luxury cars.