People of my generation may remember that Readers Digest was a popular magazine in the sixties and seventies. Our family subscribed to the magazine in the hope that the children could improve their English. Of particular interest to me was the regular feature on certain part of the body entitled "I am Joe's ....." (Brains or stomach or heart etc). The feature was written in the voice of the body part explaining its function. What was more interesting was how the organ expressed its dismay over Joe's neglect or unhealthy habits which were detrimental to its well being. In a first person's voice the body part would express frustrations or anger at Joe's ignorance and inability to take care of his own body.
This feature could not be more relevant today than before. This is especially true for the youngsters who live a lifestyle as if there is no tomorrow. They deprive their body from adequate rest, intoxicate themselves, stretch their limits; all in the name of grasping opportunities to achieve success or maximizing experiences in life. Not listening to their body they also lose touch of themselves.When you read the life story of a body part in first person, it evoked in you sympathy and respect for your body. So for example when Joe's heart cringed in pain because Joe wasn't watching his stress level and suffered a heart attack you really felt its pain and began to appreciate your own heart.
In Jungian psychology the shadow represents the unconscious aspect of our personality that our conscious ego can not recognise or refuses to acknowledge. When repressed and ignored too much it may break out in pathological behaviour. But what tall order to get people of today's world to listen to their unconscious mind. What I am lamenting is, even the tangible, physical, obvious, highly visible body that we walk around in is being ignored. ( Gosh I must be really exhausted having to watch over my husband like a hawk so that he does not consume things detrimental to his health ! ). Aaah.. now I know why the article talks about a MAN's body part (ie. Joe's this and that; mind you NOT Josephine's). It is because men are bigger culprits in denying their body of respect.
Incidentally Thich Nhat Hanh describes our high-consumption lifestyle as a means to avoid acknowledging our body, our mind and our feelings. So even when we have some time on hand instead of spending some quiet time listening to ourselves, we are afraid maybe to face the "vacuum" inside us. So we go out and try to fill the void by buying new and exciting things be it consumer goods, food or excitement and addictions in their various forms.
The good news is once we start allotting some "quiet time" on a daily basis, that becomes an addiction too, a good one that is. With that habit we may be able to hear the murmurings of the body parts within us as well. Who knows they may one day be saying "Good Job, Joe" or more likely "Good Job Josephine" !
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Penthouse & Pent up Feelings
In today's papers there is an article on penthouse,explaining what kinds of housing are termed as penthouses. "What?" I thought to myself " I knew what a penthouse is when I was 12 ".
My memory was jolted to that day at school in Primary 6. I came from quite a prestigious girls' school in KL. The school had a streaming system from primary 2 onwards based on yearly academic performance. So if you were placed in "A" class you were the cream of your cohort in school. Within each class there was further streaming into A, B and C groups with children in each group sitting in a cluster. That day the topic was on types of housing. Having described each type of housing the teacher asked pupils to name the type of accomodation they lived in. So pupils in the C group stayed largely in flats or shop houses whilst the majority in A group named terrace houses. I remembered quite clearly when one of the girls in A group said "penthouse", the teacher whined in surprise. This teacher was famous for favoring children whose mothers bestowed her with home baked cakes and jellies. From her whine I knew a "penthouse" must be really gorgeous. The teacher then explained to the class that a penthouse is an apartment that occupies the whole floor of a building. I wasn't suitably impressed as I couldn't figure why it was a big deal to stay in a huge space in mid air. From that day onwards however the girl who lived in a "penthouse" moved a notch or two up the teacher's pet list.
It is strange how such memories are etched in childhood memories. I have a friend who bought a Mercedes a few years ago. Whilst taking a joy ride in her new car she explained to me she bought it to fulfill a childhood wish. She had watched her classmates being fetched to and fro in Mercedes. She just loved the car and told herself she would get one when she grew up. Mind you this was from a lady who would not spend a single cent on any branded stuff. She explained the Mercedes was her one and only weakness and having fulfilled her dream she will not bother too much what her next car would be.
Back to the penthouse, I am rather surprised today that the penthouse discussion in class was lodged in my memory all these years. It makes wonder about my subconscious. Certainly there was harbor of jealousy which my conscience frowned upon. Jealousy was forbidden both at home and in school. Only evil people feel jealous as in Cinderella's wicked sisters or Snow White's wicked step mother or Joseph's jealous brothers. So no I could not be angry with the teacher for favoring the rich because then I would be jealous. Does that explain why even today I am still struggling with over sensitivity to perceived unfairness. Would it have been better if someone told me then it was alright to be angry with the teacher. When anger was accepted then perhaps jealousy would have dissipated.
Alternatively like my friend I should go and get myself a penthouse, a cheap one. (Apparently one development of shoe box units included so called penthouse units with floor area of 635 sq ft!) Unfortunately I missed the 11 Jan midnight dateline, before the property control measures took effect. So without a penthouse I continue to struggle with my pent up feelings.
My memory was jolted to that day at school in Primary 6. I came from quite a prestigious girls' school in KL. The school had a streaming system from primary 2 onwards based on yearly academic performance. So if you were placed in "A" class you were the cream of your cohort in school. Within each class there was further streaming into A, B and C groups with children in each group sitting in a cluster. That day the topic was on types of housing. Having described each type of housing the teacher asked pupils to name the type of accomodation they lived in. So pupils in the C group stayed largely in flats or shop houses whilst the majority in A group named terrace houses. I remembered quite clearly when one of the girls in A group said "penthouse", the teacher whined in surprise. This teacher was famous for favoring children whose mothers bestowed her with home baked cakes and jellies. From her whine I knew a "penthouse" must be really gorgeous. The teacher then explained to the class that a penthouse is an apartment that occupies the whole floor of a building. I wasn't suitably impressed as I couldn't figure why it was a big deal to stay in a huge space in mid air. From that day onwards however the girl who lived in a "penthouse" moved a notch or two up the teacher's pet list.
It is strange how such memories are etched in childhood memories. I have a friend who bought a Mercedes a few years ago. Whilst taking a joy ride in her new car she explained to me she bought it to fulfill a childhood wish. She had watched her classmates being fetched to and fro in Mercedes. She just loved the car and told herself she would get one when she grew up. Mind you this was from a lady who would not spend a single cent on any branded stuff. She explained the Mercedes was her one and only weakness and having fulfilled her dream she will not bother too much what her next car would be.
Back to the penthouse, I am rather surprised today that the penthouse discussion in class was lodged in my memory all these years. It makes wonder about my subconscious. Certainly there was harbor of jealousy which my conscience frowned upon. Jealousy was forbidden both at home and in school. Only evil people feel jealous as in Cinderella's wicked sisters or Snow White's wicked step mother or Joseph's jealous brothers. So no I could not be angry with the teacher for favoring the rich because then I would be jealous. Does that explain why even today I am still struggling with over sensitivity to perceived unfairness. Would it have been better if someone told me then it was alright to be angry with the teacher. When anger was accepted then perhaps jealousy would have dissipated.
Alternatively like my friend I should go and get myself a penthouse, a cheap one. (Apparently one development of shoe box units included so called penthouse units with floor area of 635 sq ft!) Unfortunately I missed the 11 Jan midnight dateline, before the property control measures took effect. So without a penthouse I continue to struggle with my pent up feelings.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
All the Proponents on Happiness
Listened to a BBC forum on happiness. American positive psychologist Todd Kashdan said being curious is the key to happiness. Belgian environmental scientist Eric Lambin propounded how our lives can be enriched by contact with nature, and novelist Eva Hoffman's recipe for happiness is learning to value our time.
Kasdan talked about how being curious spurs our growth. Most of us are afraid to pursue interests or passions which may not be highly regarded by others. Instead of clinging on to familiarities, he suggested that people should take the anxiety out of uncertainty and create a sense of wonder in discovering things. When the other panelists queried whether his strategy meant a constant seeking of stimulation externally, he clarified that it is not confined to external things but includes curiosity about our own thoughts.
Eric Lambin alluded that happiness experienced being with nature could have biological origins. Our fore fore fathers would feel secure and well provided in a landscape where there was natural water resource, bountiful grassland and vegetation. Thus gardening brings about a sense of well being. Another way to enrich our life is being with animals or pets as they too are part of nature.
Lastly novelist and philosopher writer Eva Hoffman talked about learning to value time. The manner in which time is constructed, used and lived will make a difference in our well being. If we can learn to savour each experience spontaneously we will not lose the experience. This is in contrast to a mindset of deploying time with utmost efficiency where time is money and where each moment has to be exploited to the fullest. In using time in this manner we are unable to reflect and "experience the experience". An optimum sense of well being can be achieved when one is fully engaged in a purposeful activity (purposeful as deemed by you yourself even if others may consider it a waste of time). She believes that being truly in the here and now engaging in each activity will create that state of flow.
I think about the above advocates and compare them to the cornerstones of Choice Theory which are the 5 genetically driven needs.In addition to the basic survival needs the other 4 psychological needs are 1) belonging/connection/love, 2) fun/learning, 3) freedom/autonomy and 4) power/achievement.
Looks like there are endless proponents on "happiness".
I guess Kasdan's curiosity is similar to the 'fun/learning' of Choice Theory whilst Eric Lambin's being with nature has some semblance of 'belonging/connection/love'. I feel that Choice theory's 'freedom/autonomy' does in fact feature in all the advocates of the above mentioned forum. For as long as one is not crippled by people's opinion and has independence one will be free to indulge in whatever curiosity one fancies, languish in nature and will be able to go with the flow undictated by the time demands of others.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
3 Takeaways
3 things occupy my mind this morning which I want to register.
1) Read an interesting article about Elizabeth Blackburn (Nobel laureate)'s research on 'telomere' which is the protective cap at the end of chromosomes in cells. As a sucker for symbols and metaphors I really like her description of telomere as the plastic tip of a shoelace that prevents the lace from fraying. So the telomere wears off as we age and its shrinking is a 'precursor of what can become cell disorder". The good and bad news is that behavioral and lifestyle factors can alleviate or accelerate the shortening of the telomere. As you would have guessed research has shown that exercise and good diet help in the former whilst stress (including stressed relationship), excess body mass, unhealthy diet contribute to the later. So the great news in her words is telomeres "can go back up too, in normal cells" to "prolong our healthspan" (note her use of word healthspan and not lifespan).
2) Read a most touching letter in the ST written by Deepika Shetty expressing her thoughts and feelings with regards to the 23 year old rape victim in India who is now under treatment in Mt Elizabeth hospital in Singapore. This knocks me off my usual disgrunt with our country's continuous pursuit of economic excellence whilst sidetracking progress on social values. It stirs my sense of gratefulness and really makes me feel how blessed women are to be born in Singapore. We are given all the freedom in every aspect so much that we have taken it for granted and so often bark readily at the 'shortcomings' of our male counterparts.
3) My takeaway from discussions in yesterday's Buddhist class is the need for "Wisdom and Compassion" to live life skillfully. 'Wisdom' for me is to be mindful (of body, feelings, thoughts and the conditions arising); and 'Compassion' if cultivated will help to reduce aversions, stress and unhappiness.
And oh I was amazed at how I unabashedly enjoyed the water slides at Lotus Desaru resort 2 days ago. What FUN!!! I will go back again, queuing with the kids on top of the slides,over and over again.
1) Read an interesting article about Elizabeth Blackburn (Nobel laureate)'s research on 'telomere' which is the protective cap at the end of chromosomes in cells. As a sucker for symbols and metaphors I really like her description of telomere as the plastic tip of a shoelace that prevents the lace from fraying. So the telomere wears off as we age and its shrinking is a 'precursor of what can become cell disorder". The good and bad news is that behavioral and lifestyle factors can alleviate or accelerate the shortening of the telomere. As you would have guessed research has shown that exercise and good diet help in the former whilst stress (including stressed relationship), excess body mass, unhealthy diet contribute to the later. So the great news in her words is telomeres "can go back up too, in normal cells" to "prolong our healthspan" (note her use of word healthspan and not lifespan).
2) Read a most touching letter in the ST written by Deepika Shetty expressing her thoughts and feelings with regards to the 23 year old rape victim in India who is now under treatment in Mt Elizabeth hospital in Singapore. This knocks me off my usual disgrunt with our country's continuous pursuit of economic excellence whilst sidetracking progress on social values. It stirs my sense of gratefulness and really makes me feel how blessed women are to be born in Singapore. We are given all the freedom in every aspect so much that we have taken it for granted and so often bark readily at the 'shortcomings' of our male counterparts.
3) My takeaway from discussions in yesterday's Buddhist class is the need for "Wisdom and Compassion" to live life skillfully. 'Wisdom' for me is to be mindful (of body, feelings, thoughts and the conditions arising); and 'Compassion' if cultivated will help to reduce aversions, stress and unhappiness.
And oh I was amazed at how I unabashedly enjoyed the water slides at Lotus Desaru resort 2 days ago. What FUN!!! I will go back again, queuing with the kids on top of the slides,over and over again.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
365 ways to cook eggs
Was emptying my book shelves when I came across a book entitled "365
ways to cook eggs". I bought it from a NLB sale some 10 or more years
ago. After a decade or so I would congratulate myself if I do know 10
ways to cook an egg This indeed is a classical example of wanting to do,
wanting to learn or wanting to experience 101 things and forgetting
almost all along the way.
Not to worry, this is not a blog bemoaning procrastination although year end reflections is around the corner. In fact I want to celebrate idleness or half idleness if you wish. What it means is to shorten the 'to-do' list; to really wake up to reality and focus on 1 or 2 projects/activities closest to my heart. This exercise may also require the peeling off of layers of inauthentic needs of being useful, altruism inclusive.
Yesterday's ST article "The benefits of an 'inactive' mind" by Maria Konnikova (a doctoral candidate of psychology at Columbia U) enumerates the power of mindfulness and concentration. It discusses various experiments which gave evidence of how even short dosages of daily mindfulness training/meditation brings about not only emotional regulation but also the ability to concentrate. It is also scientifically proven that meditation practice enhances connectivity between the part of the pre-frontal cortex which monitors attention and another part of the brain known as the right insula which regulates our feelings and thoughts, thus enhancing the effectiveness of the brain's attentional resources. New evidences also suggest that our brains structure can continue to change and develop with training. The article mentions an experiment where the activation in the pre-frontal cortex of older adults began to resemble those of younger people after just 5 one-hour training sessions on a task that calls for deep attention.
Whilst meditation and mindful activities like calligraphy once rank low in my priority of daily tasks and delegated to 'only when I have time to spare'; I shall now have to make it a point to spend at least half an hour or more to still the 'monkey' mind so as to cultivate a 'neural real estate' that promotes nourishment for the brains and hopefully delays the 'cognitive decline'.
So instead of trying to master 365 ways to cook eggs, maybe I should spend an hour a day focusing deeply on frying an egg, observing each outcome with varying amount of oil, varying intensity of the fire, varying size of pan used, varying time to flip over etc etc. So my 'mental future' does not lie in knowing the number of ways to cook an egg but the concentration of frying one.
Not to worry, this is not a blog bemoaning procrastination although year end reflections is around the corner. In fact I want to celebrate idleness or half idleness if you wish. What it means is to shorten the 'to-do' list; to really wake up to reality and focus on 1 or 2 projects/activities closest to my heart. This exercise may also require the peeling off of layers of inauthentic needs of being useful, altruism inclusive.
Yesterday's ST article "The benefits of an 'inactive' mind" by Maria Konnikova (a doctoral candidate of psychology at Columbia U) enumerates the power of mindfulness and concentration. It discusses various experiments which gave evidence of how even short dosages of daily mindfulness training/meditation brings about not only emotional regulation but also the ability to concentrate. It is also scientifically proven that meditation practice enhances connectivity between the part of the pre-frontal cortex which monitors attention and another part of the brain known as the right insula which regulates our feelings and thoughts, thus enhancing the effectiveness of the brain's attentional resources. New evidences also suggest that our brains structure can continue to change and develop with training. The article mentions an experiment where the activation in the pre-frontal cortex of older adults began to resemble those of younger people after just 5 one-hour training sessions on a task that calls for deep attention.
Whilst meditation and mindful activities like calligraphy once rank low in my priority of daily tasks and delegated to 'only when I have time to spare'; I shall now have to make it a point to spend at least half an hour or more to still the 'monkey' mind so as to cultivate a 'neural real estate' that promotes nourishment for the brains and hopefully delays the 'cognitive decline'.
So instead of trying to master 365 ways to cook eggs, maybe I should spend an hour a day focusing deeply on frying an egg, observing each outcome with varying amount of oil, varying intensity of the fire, varying size of pan used, varying time to flip over etc etc. So my 'mental future' does not lie in knowing the number of ways to cook an egg but the concentration of frying one.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
As smart or dumb as your phone
Apparently the first ever SMS was sent some 20 years ago on 3 Dec 1992 when a young Bristish engineer used his computer to send "Merry Christmas" greetings to a guy at Vodafone on his mobile. The later could not respond because there was no way a mobile could send out messages.
My first encounter with SMS was in 2000 when given a small, sleek and stylish Nokia hp with sms function (and without antenna sticking out) by the company. It was the latest upmarket model at that time and I selected a swanky ringtone. Once I left it in a meeting room full of bankers working on a project for our company. When I returned to the room, they told me with envy that I missed a call. It was the first time in my life that I actually owned something before most people did. It was COOL. However it came with a price. We were working on a bond issue and the 2 top bosses' decision had to be sought when pricing the bond. They however would be attending a very important function at the hour of pricing the bond and could not answer calls. I was instructed to sms them to get approval. I was petrified as I never acquainted myself to the method of sending sms. When I told my boss about my apprehension, the response was "we don't give you an expensive phone for nothing".
Can you believe it, just 12 years later the situation is the complete reverse. I am probably one of the last ancient beings using a "dumb" phone. I thought having an I-pad is sufficient. However I felt increasingly 'left out' and 'different' for not having a smart phone.Also when I hear my daughter, husband and others talk excitedly about 'apps' I somehow feel a bit like a dinosaur. Last week when having lunch with my classmates at a course, I felt kind of embarrassed to check my 'dummy' when a sms tone came on. Every one was busy scrolling and scrolling the screens of their smart phones. Sigh! one literally feels as smart or as dumb as the phone one has. Now I can understand why some teenagers resort to stealing or shoplifting. They don't want to be thought poor or uncool or just don't want to be different. Well if a fortish woman whom I was 10 years ago succumbed to feeling COOL just having the first mobile model, what more the youngsters.
I am contemplating to continue using a dumb phone as practice to master 'non-self' ie. not to be conscious of my identity of not having a smart phone. Haha, that was just a joke. I may be a bit bothered when people think me not savy. Whatever it is I will go and get a smart phone. Why? Because I live in mortal fear of not catching up with technology and falling further and further behind if I don't pace with it. We need to adapt to the environment. It is no longer about being COOL.
My first encounter with SMS was in 2000 when given a small, sleek and stylish Nokia hp with sms function (and without antenna sticking out) by the company. It was the latest upmarket model at that time and I selected a swanky ringtone. Once I left it in a meeting room full of bankers working on a project for our company. When I returned to the room, they told me with envy that I missed a call. It was the first time in my life that I actually owned something before most people did. It was COOL. However it came with a price. We were working on a bond issue and the 2 top bosses' decision had to be sought when pricing the bond. They however would be attending a very important function at the hour of pricing the bond and could not answer calls. I was instructed to sms them to get approval. I was petrified as I never acquainted myself to the method of sending sms. When I told my boss about my apprehension, the response was "we don't give you an expensive phone for nothing".
Can you believe it, just 12 years later the situation is the complete reverse. I am probably one of the last ancient beings using a "dumb" phone. I thought having an I-pad is sufficient. However I felt increasingly 'left out' and 'different' for not having a smart phone.Also when I hear my daughter, husband and others talk excitedly about 'apps' I somehow feel a bit like a dinosaur. Last week when having lunch with my classmates at a course, I felt kind of embarrassed to check my 'dummy' when a sms tone came on. Every one was busy scrolling and scrolling the screens of their smart phones. Sigh! one literally feels as smart or as dumb as the phone one has. Now I can understand why some teenagers resort to stealing or shoplifting. They don't want to be thought poor or uncool or just don't want to be different. Well if a fortish woman whom I was 10 years ago succumbed to feeling COOL just having the first mobile model, what more the youngsters.
I am contemplating to continue using a dumb phone as practice to master 'non-self' ie. not to be conscious of my identity of not having a smart phone. Haha, that was just a joke. I may be a bit bothered when people think me not savy. Whatever it is I will go and get a smart phone. Why? Because I live in mortal fear of not catching up with technology and falling further and further behind if I don't pace with it. We need to adapt to the environment. It is no longer about being COOL.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Sandplay
Phew, finally finished the Sandplay Therapy Certificate course. (Haha my classmates said if they knew I enjoyed doing written assignments they would have paid me to do for them. Actually if I am single and rich I will go round the world attending courses and doing written assignments!). Fortunately we didn't have to go KL to complete this course even though there were only 10 participants in Singapore. KL's class already has 27 registered participants and could never accomodate us. Like I mentioned previously Singaporeans may be adverse to the word 'play'. Even in our class of 10, 4 are foreigners, counsellors from International schools in Singapore and Bangkok.This 4th and final module was a combination of theories and case presentations. It was an inspiring and insightful session. Although my experience using sandplay therapy with my students is very positive, I was not sufficiently confident of its effectiveness. However after viewing 10 presentations, when we saw over and over again the development of the clients' trays from initial pictures of clutter, chaos, disorder and aggression to more balanced and centred trays often filled with nurturing symbols like nature, vegetation, food, and religious icons; we know that this indeed is a powerful tool. Yes, compared to more 'scientific' tools like CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) or Solution Focused therapy, expressive therapies may sound very warm and fuzzy, but with clients who are not very cognitive, who refuse to be cognitive, or tired of being cognitive, being given the freedom and safety to let go of deep seated issues in the psyche is cathartic.
During class, the lecturer spoke about times when the counselor may feel a "mysterious guidance" during the therapeutic process. Many may think him 'loopy'. Indeed we are living in a world or in societies that easily dismiss anything beyond the cognitive and material realm as pathological or abnormal. However we must acknowledge the links between our physical body, our emotions and the psyche or spiritual energy. Amidst all the talk about Singaporeans being emotionless, I do think that a lot of Singaporeans are not very receptive to anything without structure and beyond the cognitive and physical plane. (Incidentally I am quite taken aback that Singapore has acquired quite an unfavorable reputation abroad. I heard us being mentioned in 2 international forums broadcasted by BBC on social issues that quoted us as hedonistic, lacking individualism, miserable and pathetic though successful economically. Quite scary. One panelist even described Singapore as a "paradise with miserable people").
Anyway, I am also doubtful any organization here has budget to employ a sandplay therapist. Might be difficult to justify employing someone just to get clients to play. However experiencing the power of this technique I intend to share it with my ex colleagues at the family service centre.
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