The stubborn parent

 

Of late I have been reproached by my adult kids for not paying enough attention to my health. Of course as one gets older various health problems crop up. Knowing that I have been diagnosed with a certain cornea problem some months ago, my son chided me for not taking vitamins or supplements to avoid further deterioration. He then went on a long lecture on me being laissez fare about my health. Similarly my daughter is aghast that I am not doing enough exercises to strengthen my muscles to avoid further development of my osteoporosis problem. I dislike being lectured by them and would sometimes keep relatively minor health problems to myself.

Ironically it reminds me of how I used to behave towards my late mother. It is sort of a deja vu,  only I am now the recipient when I used to be the lecturer. Every time I visited my mother when she fell sick, I would be upset to find out that she was not eating well. I also couldn't understand why she would not do light exercises despite having all the time in the world. I suspect she must have been equally unhappy about my admonitions. I was really all words but no actions ie. I wasn't present to monitor; so all I could do was ditched out advice probably to assuage my guilt for not being there for her.

I try to understand why old people refuse to listen to their children's advice. First of all it doesn't feel good to be treated as a child. Secondly it is as if we are to be blamed for our poor health which may not be entirely true. However when there is a tinge of truth in it, we feel embarrass and guilty. Also their concerns and warnings heighten our sense of vulnerability and fears about aging. 

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"I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception"

"You'll never understand until it happens to you"