The stubborn parent

 

Of late I have been reproached by my adult kids for not paying enough attention to my health. Of course as one gets older various health problems crop up. Knowing that I have been diagnosed with a certain cornea problem some months ago, my son chided me for not taking vitamins or supplements to avoid further deterioration. He then went on a long lecture on me being laissez fare about my health. Similarly my daughter is aghast that I am not doing enough exercises to strengthen my muscles to avoid further development of my osteoporosis problem. I dislike being lectured by them and would sometimes keep relatively minor health problems to myself.

Ironically it reminds me of how I used to behave towards my late mother. It is sort of a deja vu,  only I am now the recipient when I used to be the lecturer. Every time I visited my mother when she fell sick, I would be upset to find out that she was not eating well. I also couldn't understand why she would not do light exercises despite having all the time in the world. I suspect she must have been equally unhappy about my admonitions. I was really all words but no actions ie. I wasn't present to monitor; so all I could do was ditched out advice probably to assuage my guilt for not being there for her.

I try to understand why old people refuse to listen to their children's advice. First of all it doesn't feel good to be treated as a child. Secondly it is as if we are to be blamed for our poor health which may not be entirely true. However when there is a tinge of truth in it, we feel embarrass and guilty. Also their concerns and warnings heighten our sense of vulnerability and fears about aging. 

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"I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception"

"You'll never understand until it happens to you"

Right in Facts, Wrong in Dharma

 

When Ajahn Sumedho was a young American monk under the tutelage of Ajahn Chah he was  upset with one rude and unreasonable monk in the monastery whom many had found difficult to live with. He thought  the monk should be reproached by some senior monk. At one monastery meeting while Ajahn Chah was away, he raised his viewpoint in the monk's presence and his concern was noted. The monk left the monastery a few days later. When Ajahn Chah returned he called Ajahn Sumedho and told him:

"You are Right in facts   but Wrong in dharma"

Apparently Ajahn Chah is aware of the monk's behaviour but let him remained in the monastery because the monk had been kicked out of other monasteries and had no where else to practice. Though his behaviour was undesirable he remained good at heart. 

Ajahn Amaro (disciple of Ajahn Sumedho) who related this incident then explained that when we act we have to investigate the underlying attitude and intention of our action. We should also adopt a compassionate attitude.

I find Ajahn Chah's remark very useful as a guide to address our resentment of people whom we dislike. It may be perfectly true that a person may be difficult or a challenge to engage with but we should also investigate the reason why we are so put off. Does the person infringe our personal rights to space, to quiet, to time or to material objects (all which we may be overly attached)? Could we even be projecting resentment onto the person of some flaws within ourselves which we repress, refuse to acknowledge and hate? Could we be also be attached to a view which we uphold tightly which proudly show cases our identity? Or perhaps we are just loading a lot of unrealistic expectations on someone.

Hence to be right in dharma we have to be aware of the reality within us and at large. 

"Buddha also said that the Dharma, like a bird, needs two wings to fly, and that the wing that balances Wisdom is Compassion."- Sylvia Boorstein

Rise above the fear

 

Many situations that occurred in recent times seem to be like a reckoning of some sort. When leaders try to avoid something by immoral/dishonourable or unwise means the unexpected consequences seem to  land them in the very dire situation which they fear most.

Putin fears Nato expansion and invades Ukraine but now ends up having to contend with Finland and Sweden moving closer to join NATO as well. 

Xi Jing Ping fears Covid 19 and adopts a Zero Covid policy (which he deems superior to the strategies undertaken by US and and the West) to ensure a third term as party leader. However the regular and strict lockdowns now stoke public anger as the economy is hit. Warning and actions against protestors and  those questioning the Zero Covid policy may stir further public discontent and challenge his quest for life time leadership. 

Perhaps it is in the stars.  Jerome Powell refrained from hiking interest rates last year to avoid recessionary pressures; quoting the lack of evidence on actual inflation. This year with the Ukraine War and supply chain crisis exacerbated by the war and China's lockdown, he is forced to hike interest rates and now faces the real possibility of a recession or a stagflation.

"You can't solve a problem on the same level it was created. You have to rise above it to the next level,"-Albert Einstein