Reflection on "Unorthodox"

 

Just finished watching a Netflix mini series "Unorthodox". I discovered quite a few things after doing a bit more research. The story takes place in the Hasidic Community (an ultra orthodox Jewish community) in Williamsburg New York. The story centres around a young lady, Esty, who breaks away from the rigid traditions and restrictive roles imposed by her community and moves to Berlin.

Initially, after the first episode I had the wrong impression that this community was representative of the way most Jews live. Only upon reading up further and after more research did I understand that this community is really quite a unique closed up Jewish orthodox community of its own. I should have known because when studying in NY my daughter had Jewish classmates who certainly didn't live in the same manner as that portrayed in the show.

The show skillfully sheds some insight on the perceptions and beliefs that shape the behaviour of the community.  For example the reason behind the focus on woman's procreation role is a remark made that six million Jew were killed in the holocaust and every new born baby is precious to fill the loss. 

In a scene in Berlin when Esty witnesses what may look like promiscuity where couples of all orientations engage in a trance like dance to heavy music and flickering disco lights, an audience may momentarily wonder whether the so called "oppressive" traditions of the Hasidic community is in fact not a better alternative to the debauchery ways in many other societies.

I think the ending is appropriate. In the hope of winning her back Esty's Jewish husband cut off his 2 front curly fringes as a mark of defiance to the community rules. Esty tries to stop him but at the same time is moved. However she still decides to break away and stays on in Berlin.  

My takeaway is how fundamentally important it is for one to know one's worldview of life. To Esty it is the freedom to live out one's inherent potential and deemed purpose. At the same time she realises her husband would not be able to live outside his community which has shaped his upbringing and to which his future depends on and in which his life best fits in. Even after achieving what her community expects of her (having discovered she is pregnant), it would just be a matter of time when Esty will finally leave Williamsburg to seek out her true self.

Just a Car

 One of the media we use to counsel kids is a pack of cards called "Car-R-Us". The pack contains pictures of cars in different conditions and expressing different feelings. So for instance there is a frightened car  hanging over a cliff, a picnic van under sunny skies and a broken down car being towed. The cards serve as conversation pieces for expressing feelings and for goal searching. Another card depicts the four wheels of a car representing the body, the mind, the feelings and the doing. We use it to help clients understand how these 4 parts of ourselves are inter related. We help the client identify their feelings and the impact on the body or vice versa. We ask them to be aware of what they are thinking and how it leads to certain actions and their consequences. We also try to coach the client take control as driver of the car. 

I have always understood the theory but as I grow older I become more aware of the relevance and insight into the allegory of this concept. I fathom the need to drive the car and not let it run wild.

We spend a whole life time to protect and keep the body 'wheel' in good condition. We consciously need to avoid bad habits and promote healthy living. That's a lot of discipline. When the body is out of whack we feel anxious and miserable. Similarly feelings like stress cause the body to tense up resulting in body pain and susceptibility to illnesses.

Feelings (in the feeling wheel) creep onto us stealthily sometimes triggered by thoughts (memories, worries, regrets for example). 

Research has also shown that behaviour or actions (in the action wheel) can create emotions. For example inactivity can cause depression. Hence we often teach children to identify what they enjoy doing and pursue such activity when they feel sad.

Finally the 'thinking wheel' in my opinion is the most challenging 'wheel' to control. Memories and conditioning of the past, thoughts of the future, fears and worries, a comparing mind, a mind full of unmet needs, a mind of  regrets when spun incessantly arouse a host of negative feelings. On the contrary training the mind to take pauses and be quiet bring our body back to equilibrium. 

Sometimes I feel like these four 'wheels' of ourselves are really quite a nuisance, having to monitor and direct at all times. This is especially so when unfavourable external circumstances arise. Like when a nasty fog descends onto the narrow roads you are driving on, you have to exercise extra care and patience. 

Perhaps the biggest insight is really to recognise that the car and its 4 'wheels' (our 4 faculties) is an external object and we are here just to drive it as carefully as we can and as best as we can manage. We need not be too attached because its just a car.

The Way It Is

 

The capacity to be at ease in any situation is one of the best skills to acquire. Aversion to unpleasant experiences drives one to seek out pleasant experiences. Obsessive craving for pleasant experiences may even lead one to reject neutral and mundane experiences, calling it boredom.

This idea which I gathered from a talk is very interesting.

Most addiction to sensual pleasure is a way to drown unpleasant experiences. This is common knowledge. However constant seeking of pleasant experiences may become an obsession such that even when the situation is normal, routine and ordinary, one finds it a boredom and often unbearable.

During this period we are inundated with bad news arising from the Covid pandemic, siege of Ukraine and consequences of climate change. It is not unusual to walk away feeling sad or anxious about the future. Our mind then seek out ways to get pleasant feelings. This may explain why people are breaching Covid restrictions to have fun and merry making. This also explains the urge to jump onto the first flight to fight boredom.

One must learn to accept all conditions happening to and around oneself. One should be aware of one's feelings; and move from personalising these feelings ie. the need to get rid of 'MY SADNESS or ANXIETY' to seeing it as part of the natural world and the conditions in the world as part of reality.

Ajahn Sumedho- "The world is this way and things happen....This is the way of life, this is human existence. So in our minds we embrace the whole of it..."

According to Buddha life is ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows.

Thich Nhat Hanh used the metaphor of a rose to describe life. A rose brings you joy but you have to understand the thorns so that you can pick the rose....."Don't say that because there are thorns you cannot be happy. Don't say that because there is still anger or sadness in your heart, you cannot enjoy anything at all"

Practicing this approach to adapt to all situations in life will help liberate our fears and liberate our bondage to our sense realm.