一种米养百种人

There is a Chinese saying 一种米养百种人 (literally the same kind of rice feeds hundred types of people). This phrase just pops into mind when I think of 2 sets of parents that I heard of recently.

Set A parents take great pride in their adult children's achievement. Father, himself a Singapore government scholar, hot housed both son and daughter into entering the gifted program at primary school all the way to choosing and winning the right prestigious government scholarship that will land the best remunerated job. Father was unabashed in comparing children's income with those of acquaintances' children. The last I heard, mother remarked to the daughter's boyfriend she hoped he is drawing at least a 4 figure monthly salary.

Set B parents, professional father (Colombo scholar ) and housewife mother, brought up their children to focus on doing good for mankind and society ie. impart into them altruistic values. Both daughter and son were also in the gifted program. While the daughter is doing well in the corporate world they often frown upon her one-minded ambition to climb the corporate ladder. Though not wealthy they have entirely no qualms to use their savings to support their son all the way through a doctorate degree in his field of interest in the humanities. The parents are nonchalant that his academic career yields poor returns from a financial investment point of view. Of course children of tycoons are also often known to pursue their own interest or work for VWO or are into philanthropy, but they are in a different league altogether from middle income families.

I think about these 2 extreme sets of parents. I wonder why a government scholar still needs his children's success to validate himself? Is it a status succession thing? On the other hand I also wonder what makes the second set of parents so comfortable in their own skin? Are they not the least worried that their son may not enjoy the security and comforts holding a lowly paid academic job?

I also think about where I stand along the line between these 2 extremes. On the one hand I am influenced by the common Asian parent definition of success and conditioned to desire glorification from the children's achievement. On the other hand I am also swayed by the liberal parents approach to allow children to aspire or dream and pursue their life goals even though they differ from ours and deviate from the well trodden paths and markers of conventional success.

At the end of the day if 一种米养百种人 some people have to be the outlying statistics in a normal bell curve, we should let our children be if they so choose.