No easy task

I attended a lecture on Parenting Capacity Assessment at the counselling centre where I practice sandplay therapy. This is something new to me. Basically the task involves the assessment of the parents' capacity to meet the needs of their child and enhance his/her development. Very often this task is carried out on behalf of the court or other authorities when concerns arise with regards to a parent's ability to safely care for their child. Concerns arise when parents are found to have mental illness, have substance abuse or have limited intellectual functioning. Assessment is conducted when decisions have to be made about removing or restoring children to the care of their parents.

Amongst many of my takeaways and new learnt facts is a cautionary note that a parentified child is not necessary an indication of the lack of parental capacity. (A parentified child is one who parents  his/her parents ie. the role is reversed). This brought to mind a student whom I counselled when I was a school counsellor. His mother was suffering from depression and he had to ensure she was not missing her medication ontop of him doing household chores. I could not recall what his presenting issue for counselling was but I remember this primary school boy as a street smart bossy Ah Beng who talked like an adult. He definitely did not come across as emotionally impaired, at least outwardly. Thus it was mentioned at the lecture that in the case of parents with psychiatric problems, the effect of the illness impacting the child has to be assessed carefully.

This I feel is not an easy task indeed. Outwardly these children may appear to be in control and often are quite bossy in behaviour. Basically for a healthy normal development, a child is free to explore while having the safety net of the parents to fall back upon. Children who feel responsible for their parents may become overwhelmed and anxious which may be detrimental to their mental health and inhibiting their freedom to experience the world.

All in all my main takeaway is that the task of assessing parental capacity with multitudes of factors to consider and fact finding necessary from all persons involved in the child's world  is no easy endeavour. In the first place who can actually define what is good parenting or for that matter minimal parenting.