Silent Listen-ing

When we listen to someone speaking the words being processed, depending on the speed of speech is around 120 to 250 words per minute. When we think however it is at a speed of around 600 words per minute. Our mind automatically thinks that it can wander a bit and come back to catch what is being said. Therein lies the problem of hearing but not "listening". Our mind already starts to front run the speaker, forming impressions or recalling experiences which cloud the words being delivered.

Take for instance a situation at a marriage counselling session. When one partner talks the other is already forming judgement and mentally preparing defenses to refute the other's statements. One strategy for marriage counselling is the "The speaker listening" technique. Each partner is given a fixed time to speak without interruption from the other. After that the listener is asked to paraphrase what was being said.The speaker then validates or clarifies what is meant if the paraphrase is inaccurate. The listening partner waits for his/her turn to speak to ask questions and express his own thoughts and feelings. As the greatest benefit of this technique lies in the cathartic feeling of being heard, problem solving is suspended for the time being.

Even counsellors can fall short of listening when preoccupied with delivering an appropriate response whilst hearing the client. Remaining quiet is difficult as it may imply not understanding the problem or a loss of words. In fact it has been said that it can be beneficial for the client to feel that he/she is being heard and the counsellor is at a loss of words.

Is it by chance that "silent" and "listen" share the same alphabets? Silent in this respect also means quieting the mind to fully focus on listening.