Underlying most behaviours

Continuing my discussion from the previous blog about tolerating the behaviour of "difficult people",  I further gathered some useful points from a podcast. A US citizen asked a religious teacher for advice to manage his anger towards the Trump supporters amidst the rising waves of racism and hate crimes in the country. The religious leader suggested that he looked for the values embraced by them. In this  context it would very well be the the desire for security which is the pre-requisite for peace. The value embraced is thus fine although the strategies used in pursuing the value are not desirable. I find this tip useful as a tool to develop empathy.

Going one step further is to imagine being in the shoes of the "offending" people. All too often we forget that social, cultural and economic conditioning are responsible for the make up and personality of an individual. Even the fact that we think we are more rational has a lot to do with our good fortune of being brought up in a conducive environment and given the opportunities to be shaped such. This boils down to the misbelief that privilege is a right and that a society that runs on meritocracy is a fair one. However, even the privilege to be born clever is not a right.

As Bernanke puts it "A meritocracy is a system in which the people who are the luckiest in their health and genetic endowment; luckiest in terms of family support, encouragement, and, probably, income; luckiest in their educational and career opportunities; and luckiest in so many other ways difficult to enumerate – these are the folks who reap the largest rewards".He went on to say that for the meritocratic system to be fair those who are endowed has to give back to society.

To me, remembering that being "born better" (in whatever sense we think we are than the "offending" person) is a blessing helps us to have more empathy and tolerance. On top of that also remember that there is often a good value belief underlying most behaviours.

It is a good way to defuse any sparks that ignite anger.