For someone's better use.

In yesterday's papers there was half a page notice entitled "Silver IT Fest", alerting seniors of courses to pick up some IT skills. Of special interest to me is the iLive courses which will include in its syllabus digital photo/video management, e-entertainment, e-travel, cloud computing and social networking (Facebook).  There were some highlighted words: "Use your skillsfuture credit here".

Sometimes I can not really comprehend what this Skillsfuture Credit ($500 for every Singapore citizen above 25 ) hopes to achieve and how much of it is spent superfluously. For example I have  friends who made use of the skillsfuture credit to attend all kind of classes just to pass time being  fairly rich retirees. Not that I am against this scheme but I feel that there should be some criteria based on needs to ensure the money is well spent. So far only 6+% of the eligible citizens have made use of it and the biggest age group making use of it is those above 50 years of age (44%). The objective as the government puts it is to let every individual be responsible for their lifelong learning. Well said but $1.1billion is a lot of money and part of such limited resources can be freed for better social spending if we exclude the well heeled who treat the credit like an unexpected box of chocolates from Santa. Honestly, if you used the $500 to attend some short courses it will only land you with a certificate unlikely to prepare you for a career change. Perhaps more should be channeled to deserving people who really needs assistance to upgrade their skill for a living or more subsidy should be given to people taking longer courses.

I am often bewildered when people who need the least help are supported all the way. I am attending a bone building exercise class run by KKH and I pay only $125 for 5 sessions led by a physiotherapist. I always feel very appreciative every time I pay up because it is just a fraction of what one pays for a private yoga or pilate class. To qualify for the class you need to be seen by a doctor in KKH who diagnose you with osteopenia or osteoporosis. Yet in my class among the participants I hear conversations like:
  "Hey I didn't see you for a while" "Yea I was travelling in Europe" or
"Hey nice shoes you have on" "Yea I bought them in the States"
Nothing wrong, it could jolly well be me talking, me who am prepared to pay more for the class.

The classes are dominated by English speaking retirees. Mandarin or dialect speaking housewives are rare. They may not even go for bone density check in the first place. What I am leading to is that people who need help are often least aware of the assistance available. I guess it will always be a challenge for social spending to be more systematic and effective.

Meanwhile I am prepared to pay more or forgo the $500 credit for someone's better use.

Underlying most behaviours

Continuing my discussion from the previous blog about tolerating the behaviour of "difficult people",  I further gathered some useful points from a podcast. A US citizen asked a religious teacher for advice to manage his anger towards the Trump supporters amidst the rising waves of racism and hate crimes in the country. The religious leader suggested that he looked for the values embraced by them. In this  context it would very well be the the desire for security which is the pre-requisite for peace. The value embraced is thus fine although the strategies used in pursuing the value are not desirable. I find this tip useful as a tool to develop empathy.

Going one step further is to imagine being in the shoes of the "offending" people. All too often we forget that social, cultural and economic conditioning are responsible for the make up and personality of an individual. Even the fact that we think we are more rational has a lot to do with our good fortune of being brought up in a conducive environment and given the opportunities to be shaped such. This boils down to the misbelief that privilege is a right and that a society that runs on meritocracy is a fair one. However, even the privilege to be born clever is not a right.

As Bernanke puts it "A meritocracy is a system in which the people who are the luckiest in their health and genetic endowment; luckiest in terms of family support, encouragement, and, probably, income; luckiest in their educational and career opportunities; and luckiest in so many other ways difficult to enumerate – these are the folks who reap the largest rewards".He went on to say that for the meritocratic system to be fair those who are endowed has to give back to society.

To me, remembering that being "born better" (in whatever sense we think we are than the "offending" person) is a blessing helps us to have more empathy and tolerance. On top of that also remember that there is often a good value belief underlying most behaviours.

It is a good way to defuse any sparks that ignite anger.

Visualisation therapy

Although I am not a smoker I sometimes like to imagine myself smoking, blowing out smoke when talking to a difficult person. I like the detached "I see through you" look of the smoker often shown in movies. On the big screen a smoker is portrayed as consolidating his thoughts and trying to gain perspective of the situation whilst blowing out smoke when faced with challenging circumstances.

I imagine myself, a cigarette in my mouth, eyes squinting with a small frown on my forehead and  inhaling. Then with a slow puff I blow out smoke that forms a smoke screen blurring the difficult person's face. The smoke provides a screen, a form of distancing if you will from the pain; in short a sense of detachment which gives you more control of the situation. (In psychology when a person perceives a threat a common response is to distance oneself from it physically, mentally or emotionally).

For me , this smoky ambience helps nurture a sense of illusion/disillusion which brings about resignation. This resignation in turn leads to realising the futility of being attached to whatever that gives rise to the difficult feeling from the onset. The short film clip ends with me staring into thin air with a "heck care you" expression on my face.

In the world of counselling visualisation  is yet another sound strategy. I shall try to experiment using this visualisation to overcome challenging people.

(Further information- Sandplay therapy also has this distancing effect allowing the clients to see their issues played out in the sandtray. Distancing themselves from the problem helps them gain perspectives and often make them realise it is less daunting and frightening as when suppressed)