Fuzzy Absolutes and Percentages

I can relate to the BT article "Money, in the eye of the beholder" dated 29 August. The writer wrote about his encounter shopping at a high end supermarket in Bangkok where the prices were equivalent to that of Singapore or even higher for certain items. Though he could well afford it he was reluctant to make his purchases.

His statement "Spending becomes a game of percentages, not absolute numbers" hits home for me.

In my ex life working in the corporate I would occasionally go for a late lunch at the canteen. Many times I noticed the office cleaner eating a few tables away. The food we were eating was almost similar and it always struck me as something not quite right that both of us paid the same amount for it. It didn't make sense the cost was just a tiny fraction of my monthly pay but certainly would have eaten a chunk into her salary. I was thinking in terms of percentages.

Meanwhile when the stock market slides and my portfolio drops by thousands I moan. The thought of substantial shareholders of banks and large corporates suffering paper losses in hundreds of millions affords little comfort, probably because the absolutes for me means more than the absolutes for them. I tend to think beyond a certain level wealth may get fuzzy.

So our mind tends to dart from thinking in absolutes and percentages.

However when comes to spending many people think in terms of percentages which may not be a wise thing to do. So if a person earns 20K a month and thinks it proper to spend just a tenth on clothing; that's extravagant in my view. 2K a month is someone's salary. The article quoted a woman who earns $S250Ka year complaining abut having to pay more taxes arising from a change in tax relief. The writer however empathized with people whom he said have "no choices" but to think in percentages instead of absolutes. He quoted high income earners who have to throw lavish children birthday parties just to be in line with parties their children were invited to or are living too far from MRT stations or where no one in the neighbourhood  or office drives a Honda. These people just have to think in terms of percentages.

Being from poor background (or at least poor when we were small) both my husband and me tend to think in absolutes though his tendency is much worse than mine. So many times I try to influence him to think in percentage terms, for example crying in exasperation "the fruit punch is a tiny fraction of your income" when a frown gathers when I am ordering a drink at a restaurant, albeit overpriced. However I am not consistent too. So when he tipped each masseuse at Bintan S$5 for an hour massage, I declared he was crazy! I thought the amount was too much in percentage terms of their normal income but I didn't think of it  in terms of HIS.

The writer just wanted to warn people who develop the habit of spending in terms of percentages whilst being highly leveraged. As for myself I think both approaches can be used depending on  different occasions; it doesn't make sense to pay $6 for a bunch of mint at the supermarket when you can get it for S$2 in Tekka market for example.

Surfacing the unconscious

For 3 consecutive nights I had strange dreams.

The first night I dreamt I was very angry with a certain close relative over some issue I could not remember. In the dream I behaved like someone deranged screaming, scolding and even spitting. I woke out relieved because such behaviour if true is unpardonable and would have cracked the relationship forever. My awakened self shivered and wondered whether I am really capable of such wrath and madness. I also tried to analyse whether there was any suppressed anger I might have harboured over this person but got no clue.

The second night I dreamt I was consoling someone. That someone suddenly became a small child sobbing uncontrollably. I held the child close to my heart urging her to let it out as if she was an adult and saying something to the effect that it was good for inner healing.

The third night I had one of my recurrent dreams. I used to have a recurrent dream of being lost or trapped. It would begin with me taking a lift up somewhere. The lift usually either gets stuck on the wrong floor or I have taken the wrong lift. I would then have to go by the stairs and they usually lead me to a dead end or to a back exit which I fear to venture. I would then wake up with great relief. Now on this third night I had the same dream. As usual after a failed lift ride I took the stairs that led me to the ground floor exit which when I looked out was a dead end. However the stairs could carry on downwards to a basement. This time round I ventured down further. When I peered out of the basement door I spotted 2 men lurking in the dark. Instead of retreating up the stairs I braved my fears and went out through the door. I spotted the building of my destination close by. That night was the first night I found my way to my destination in my dreams.

 The founder of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud believed that gaining insight into the unconscious or surfacing repressed emotions can help us address anxiety disorders. Making the unconscious conscious is cathartic.

 Now I reflect upon my 3 consecutive dreams. Could there be some repressed anger in childhood which I was not able to vent or let out whether it be because of cultural inhibition or self imposed morality. The first dream saw the id venting out in ways that scared my super ego. The second night could be my own inner healing and self compassion which then led to the third night where I found safety. Yet I wonder what was my anger all about. Could it be that my early anger was so censored that I have already forgotten and became unaware when that anger transformed to general anxieties which is the main theme in my recurrent dreams.

With these 3 consecutive dreams I certainly hope the failed lift rides are gone for good.

Whose Horizon?

Joseph Schooling's remarkable feat which gave Singapore its first Olympic gold medal must have stirred many a Singaporean parent into some sort of reflection on their own parenting style. Apart from juggling with the financial commitment of over a million US dollar and the sacrifices in family life, the thing most admirable about Schooling's parents is the trust in their son's dream. It is not uncommon for parents to dismiss their children's ambition calling it far fetched or impractical. Most parents consider good careers as those that guarantee good income with little risk.  How many parents will in the first place believe a 13 year old son's conviction of winning an Olympic gold medal and not dismiss it as a pipe dream? Even so how many will risk such a heavy financial investment?

We aspire for our children to have a comfortable adult life and find ourselves in a great dilemma when our child declares that he/she wants to be an artist, sportsman or some non mainstream career. I know of many a parent who is willing to finance a child's education only if he/she pursues something "worthwhile". I have always wonder which set of parents are wiser, this aforementioned parents (which I will call type 1 parents) or another type of parents (type 2 parents) who just let their children pursue their own interest even if it offers little career prospects. To me type 1 parents are using their own perception of what constitutes a good life whilst type 2 parents may have failed in parenting by not giving proper career guidance.

I remember reading an article about one parent toying with the idea of giving a cash lump sum to an adult son for him to gain immediate financial freedom. The son was contemplating switching into a socially meaningful career but which will not support a livelihood.

Now my son is currently saving up every cent of his salary to fulfill an ambition to pursue post graduate studies in a field of humanities which colleges round the world are seeing a declining interest. Even contemplating an academic career is dicey as many universities are closing their thinly enrolled humanity programs. This is also partly due to lack of external funding as college education is increasingly viewed as vocational training.

So now I am wavering on a line held by the 2 set of parents whom I described earlier though the remarks made by Joseph Schooling's parents about trusting in your child's dream has moved me a notch nearer type 2 parenting.

As someone once said "You don't limit your child's horizons because of your own horizons"

1 for 1

An article entitled "Golden spending in the silver years" in the ST mentioned that research has shown that our life time spending habits has a "hump" shape, peaking at middle age and declining afterwards. Across products post-middle age Singaporean  spend less on apparels, dining, entertainment and services than their younger counterparts. The research also shows that older Singaporeans spend more on food at fresh market and store brands, suggesting a substitution for cheaper alternatives with the reduction in disposable income.

It certainly is happening in my household where the husband is in charge of supermarket shopping. Imagine my irritation when I found bottles of Fairprice light soya sauce in the kitchen cabinet. I have tolerated Fairprice Hainanese Kaya and fine with Fairprice kitchen towels, toilet rolls, cleaning detergents etc, but what a poor cook like me needs is better quality sauces no matter how slight the difference may be. 

Now I think what the researchers have missed out is the psychological aspect of thrift in older people, when ascribing the lower spending amongst older people solely to lower disposable income. Amongst friends I have noticed an increased discretion for value meals when eating out even amongst those who are known to be quite wealthy. Perhaps that's the reason for the huge proliferation of one-for-one dining offers, "second piece at 50% discount" and "2nd person travels at $10" marketing strategies to grab the baby boomers' consumer $.

As for myself, I find that I am gradually losing excitement in shopping. I don't know whether it is an age thing or due to attending Buddhist class where the teachers always remind us against craving and about the impermanent nature of life. Thus when I am at the shopping malls the thought of a wardrobe full of clothes which need to be discarded by someone someday when I am no longer around deters me from buying. It is also rather strange but merchandise in general do not seem as appealing as they used to be and it is becoming hard for me to fall in love with a piece of clothing, accessory or bag. Maybe you can call it consumer fatigue. On the other hand my expenditure on personal well being has certainly increased. So a high proportion of my monthly expenditure includes facial, hair treatment, massage, bone building exercise, not to mention medical insurance premium.

So between my husband and me apart from travelling expenses we don't really contribute much to the economy through our spending habits. In fact a lot of our purchases of short durables are made outside Singapore like in Johor, Indonesia, Thailand and London's Premark that sells Ts at 2 GBP. However it will be expected that as we age medical expenses will definitely be the big ticket item. My only hope is that my husband's thrift and obsession for value will not make him force me to go for some extensive health screening when hospitals start to offer one for one packages.