Beware of disguised altruism

There is something about volunteer work that is sometimes tainted with self interest.

I was asked to try sandplay therapy with a few girls in a girls' home who are not responding to talk therapy and who are either difficult to manage or keep very much to themselves. The first few sessions were fine where the stories or symbols selected clearly reflected the problems the girls faced in their exterior world and some inner desires. However before they could go deeper and process their issues through sandplay therapy they declared they are bored with sandplay and treated the session like a free for all. They requested for art and craft and favours to download music etc.

This has caught me a bit by surprise because I didn't really have this problem working with children in  the children's home. Similarly I have gathered from books and videos that adults could unearth and process their issues through successive sandplay sessions, something which we too experienced whilst working with our partners attending the course. I had thought that the girls being older would be able to process better by verbalizing their issues through the symbols selected. Instead they expressed boredom after 2 to 3 sessions. It then dawns on me that unlike an adult who looked for therapy these girls were 'coerced' into therapy with no intention of helping themselves and sharing their deep issues with anyone.

So I played along bringing art and craft material, downloading and playing the songs which they requested and thinking to myself "what the hell am I doing here?" and "Am I actually a nanny or a therapist?" This is where self centredness sets in. Thoughts like " these sessions have no value for ME" started to surface. There wasn't anything concrete out of these sessions which I could document  in my case notes either. The image of myself more of an entertaining grandma than a professional therapist bothered me. "Am I deceiving myself that I am doing something worthwhile?"

Then my Buddhist training pulls me back to see how much self centredness is wrapped within these thoughts. Clearly I have to be wary of volunteering as disguised self interest.

So I continued as long as they want me to visit. It doesn't matter in what capacity I come. In one of the sessions I let my hair down closed my eyes and danced spontaneously to the hot music. I am sure I would made any "aunty" feel embarrassed for me. (Just like how I would sometimes feel at story telling sessions in front of the parents). The girl whom earlier on had thrown tantrum at the staff and who had come in hot and defiant eventually broke into smiles and laughter. I told her to join me and said it was fine to express our feelings through body movements. She didn't; but the wall between us has been torn down for she began to tell me and more about herself the following session onwards.