Help needed for youths at risk

A writer in yesterday's forum page suggests that the government engages "at-risk" youths in sports or the arts. He quoted statistics on the increase of drug abusers in the Malay youths vs the decline in other races. He cited a possible cause being the increase in dysfunctional families and rising income inequality. He believes that engaging these youths intensively in either sports or arts will help not only to occupy their "unsupervised idle time" but give them a sense of achievement  in other area.

Having engaged with children and teenagers in a Children's home and a Girl's home for Malays I do agree with his views. The residents from the homes are from dysfunctional families, usually lagging in academic performance. Coupled with the desolate feelings of being abandoned they are at great risk of school failure and juvenile delinquency. During my initial engagement with them I was often taken aback by how far behind their English proficiency and mathematical skills were relative to their school cohort. What made things worse is the hidden anger and sadness within them which I feel consumes their inner energy resulting in listlessness and the inability to focus in school. In  a vicious cycle poor academic performance leads to low self esteem and greater vulnerability to delinquency and drug abuse.

Ironically, the Children's Home received many donations in kinds. Second hand pianos, electric organs, violins and all kinds of books lined the shelves. Unfortunately there are no volunteers to teach the kids to play these instruments. The Girl's Home on the other hand has the benefit of pro-Bono chefs, hair stylists and dancers who gave the girls lessons. The girls whom I engage often talk enthusiastically about these lessons. I guess they derive some sense of accomplishment from them. They however bemoaned the lack of volunteers who can teach them to sing.

Just last week I had a session with a 12 year old boy. As he entered the room it struck me that the boy has grown and is no longer the child I first met. Though his mannerism generally remained child like I noticed some teenager defiance, which could have arisen from the disappointment that his mother did not bring him home for a single weekend during the school holiday. It then struck me what a vulnerable position he is in and silently wish that things would turn out well for him.

Clearly a lot more needs to be done to help these children and teenagers.

The Bereaved and those with Hardened hearts

Caught the film ' Interstellar'.  The scene which affected me most was when Cooper, the pilot of the spacecraft rushed to watch the video recordings sent by his family after realizing he had lost 23 earth years when in actual fact he was only away from his spacecraft for 3 hours descending a wormhole in space to explore a planet. The video recordings showed his children growing into adults and his father aging, all wondering year after year when he will be returning to earth and if at all. There was very good acting when Cooper broke down grieving the years he missed out on his loved ones. His father had passed on too. The poignant scene brings out a sense of inevitability, the inability to control time fleeting past us and the feeling of being a helpless bystander in the lives of our loved ones. It also reminds me of the difficulty we will face when the time of our own departure arrives. Hence in Buddhism, when a person is dying, whilst surrounding him with love, his loved ones should give him permission and blessings to die so as to lessen his grasping and attachment.

Watching the news coverage on the carnage inflicted by Taleban terrorists in the Pakistani school massacre was heart wrenching. It is unimaginable how the grasping to a certain cause had hardened so much the hearts of the attackers to commit such a heinous crime against innocent children. The grief stricken faces of the victims' parents revealed the torment of their bereavement and brings to mind the sufferings from attachment. It would be  extremely difficult for the bereaved families to let go not only because the loss was sudden and unexpected but also its underlying brutal and cruel circumstances.

This incident, the Sydney cafe siege, the mindless sporadic killings of ordinary people everywhere leaves one feeling gloomy about our world. Yet we can only pray for the people who harbour such intense hatred in their hearts and for the bereaved that their pain can be eased.

 "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Good Life and Good Earth

Mingling with the crowd, dazzled by the Xmas decorations and walking from one Orchard Road mall to another I suddenly wonder whether there is another way to have economic growth and employment in our world without the need for consumer spending. I think of the excessive things an average family has at home, be it clothing, utensils, furniture, electrical appliances etc etc and at the great variety of brand and choices in every single  consumer product and how the limited world resources are depleted to feed this insatiable human desire of material needs. Just when I wonder whether some form of social awakening can allow our earth to heal and replenish I was confronted with the thought of high unemployment amongst youths in so many countries and how economic growth is vital to avoid a wasted generation. Is there another way out ie. economic growth without consumer spending?

I thought my question was miraculously answered when an article in yesterday's BT entitled "Low growth and the good life" caught my eyes. In it the question asked was "Is there a way of living with slower growth?" It then followed with this comment "The beginning of an answer is to recognise that economy should serve society, rather than the other way around. What this means is that the economy's social task is to provide the conditions in which people can lead good lives".

The article then borrowed Aristotle's concept of good life which encompasses the well being of both body and mind where health and material comfort satisfy the earlier and mind preoccupations with value, creativity, appreciation of beauty, intellectual curiosity and life's meaning the later. However  the growing loneliness and depression in developed countries "suggests that a materialistic-only philosophy is not in accord with human nature."

Sad to say the article ended in a clueless note. What a disappointment. It did mention the Green movement as a possible place to look for answers but also described the movement's futile efforts and ineffective suggestions amongst which is sharing work to solve unemployment.The article did however reminds that a "mindset that values the good life" is an essential starting point.

I guess my dream of a Good life and a Good Earth will remain just a dream for the time being.

Beware of disguised altruism

There is something about volunteer work that is sometimes tainted with self interest.

I was asked to try sandplay therapy with a few girls in a girls' home who are not responding to talk therapy and who are either difficult to manage or keep very much to themselves. The first few sessions were fine where the stories or symbols selected clearly reflected the problems the girls faced in their exterior world and some inner desires. However before they could go deeper and process their issues through sandplay therapy they declared they are bored with sandplay and treated the session like a free for all. They requested for art and craft and favours to download music etc.

This has caught me a bit by surprise because I didn't really have this problem working with children in  the children's home. Similarly I have gathered from books and videos that adults could unearth and process their issues through successive sandplay sessions, something which we too experienced whilst working with our partners attending the course. I had thought that the girls being older would be able to process better by verbalizing their issues through the symbols selected. Instead they expressed boredom after 2 to 3 sessions. It then dawns on me that unlike an adult who looked for therapy these girls were 'coerced' into therapy with no intention of helping themselves and sharing their deep issues with anyone.

So I played along bringing art and craft material, downloading and playing the songs which they requested and thinking to myself "what the hell am I doing here?" and "Am I actually a nanny or a therapist?" This is where self centredness sets in. Thoughts like " these sessions have no value for ME" started to surface. There wasn't anything concrete out of these sessions which I could document  in my case notes either. The image of myself more of an entertaining grandma than a professional therapist bothered me. "Am I deceiving myself that I am doing something worthwhile?"

Then my Buddhist training pulls me back to see how much self centredness is wrapped within these thoughts. Clearly I have to be wary of volunteering as disguised self interest.

So I continued as long as they want me to visit. It doesn't matter in what capacity I come. In one of the sessions I let my hair down closed my eyes and danced spontaneously to the hot music. I am sure I would made any "aunty" feel embarrassed for me. (Just like how I would sometimes feel at story telling sessions in front of the parents). The girl whom earlier on had thrown tantrum at the staff and who had come in hot and defiant eventually broke into smiles and laughter. I told her to join me and said it was fine to express our feelings through body movements. She didn't; but the wall between us has been torn down for she began to tell me and more about herself the following session onwards.