Sympathy needed

Today whilst taking a shuttle from SGH to the Outram MRT, a heavily overweight man got up from the National Heart Centre. I don't know his name but did recognize him as an ex-colleague. He looked very much older than when I last saw him 7 years ago and can certainly be considered as obese.  Instinctively I lowered my head to avert meeting his eyes as he occupied 2 seats in the small bus. Rightly or wrongly I thought he might feel embarrassed about his weight when meeting someone he knows . At the bus stop I was behind him whilst waiting for the senior people in front to take their time to alight. As he stepped down slowly one old man in the bus commented loudly "What a clumsy man". I was taken aback and gave the old man a dagger stare.

Of course the old man's behavior is not typical of the general public but I do get a feeling that most Singaporeans tend to be sympathetic only with people who are afflicted with physical illnesses (which they too may succumb when bad luck strikes) and less with people afflicted with mental disorder, addictions, differing sexual orientations or physical appearances out of the norm.

Not long ago at a gathering of friends the conversation turned to another friend who is suffering from depression and who did not show up. A remark was made by someone that if the depressed person chooses to be so inward looking and does not help himself by being more active socially no one could help him. Another person in the group was puzzled as to why someone can suffer from depression without a circumstantial trigger,ie. when things seem fine for him.

Generally there is a lack of sympathy when one is deemed to be not making sufficient effort  to get better when it is within one's perceived ability to do so. Unfortunately  this attitude is increasingly extended to physically ill people who may be accused of not having the will to fight the disease when they turn down more aggressive treatment options.

I guess the least we can do is not to be judgmental and if possible be patient and just be there for them. I should have acknowledged my ex-colleague with a smile.