Remembering the grande dames

In celebration of International Women's Day, BT correspondent Jamie Lee paid tribute to her grandmother who passed away recently after being a shadow of herself with dementia. Jamie recalled the old lady's resilience bringing up 6 children working as a samsui woman; and in later years as the matriarch who constantly pulled the family together with the same "inspite of all" smile. Of the old lady's driving force in life, Jamie remarked " If only I'd have the same courage to put all my hopes in family, knowing that disappointments might come in ways that would not be within my control."

Reading Jamie's comment reminds me of a similar feeling I have after visiting my 90 year old aunt during Chinese New Year. A fall has made her wheel chair bound and she now depends on the maid to help her around. Unlike other old folks who may vent their loss of freedom on their maids my aunt was truly appreciative of her maid's support and dismisses the maid's tasteless cooking as trivial shortcoming. Such rationale and clarity of mind at 90 is a marvel. Reflecting on hers and other aunts' life journeys, I am reminded that the women of my mother's generation have only their family's well being as the principal life project. A quick scan on the life journey of my brood of over 30 cousins has dawned on me how much anxiety or disappointment our different scales of roller coaster rides would have brought upon our mothers. Yet these women who (unlike us) do not have careers to fall back as an alternative project, can only accept whatever the family chose to bring; be it joy, fulfillment, anguish, disappointment or pain- all have to be packed in and carried with stoic acceptance

It puts to shame the frustrations that we currently encounter over the first world problems that our children bear upon us. On this International Women's Day I become aware again how much we can learn from the spirit of these grande dames, though many of them are no longer with us.