Unforgettable

Convocation at Columbia University (known as Commencement Week) was a two day affair. The first day was the School ceremony (ie. Business School, Lib Art College,Engineering School etc each held its own ceremony) where students filed pass the stage as their name was called. The second day was a combined ceremony for all graduates of the whole University. So in the huge open field between the library and the Admin Building (both with Roman columns) thousands of young men and women doning the light blue gown were seated in blocks according to their faculty near the steps of the Library . Parents of various nationalities were seated in the open field. Speeches were made and the jubilant graduates from the various schools pitched against each other with their cheers and mascots on a beautiful day with the finest weather. The ceremony ended with both graduates and parents swinging to the rythmn of "New York, New York" from the band. Various formal receptions also took place in the evening for parents of graduates receiving different types of honours. All in all, it was a most unforgettable experience for the parents, maybe all choreographed to make them feel that the money is well spent haha.

As the campus grounds is vast and has beautiful architecture, there was great fun in photo taking as well. Whilst trying to find yet another beautiful backdrop my daughter spotted her friend from Singapore on a high vantage point at the Admin building busy taking pictures with her parents. She ran up the steps to meet her whilst my husband and I followed. As we were nearing I heard a man shouting out to me "Hey, I think I know you". It was the Spore girl's father. He said we were from the same tutorial in University. I had completely no recognition of this guy and checked with him the year we graduated etc to verify his memory. As I acknowledged the accuracy of the statistics, I struggled to place a name and face of him in my class. I really could not figure out how this balding and rounded fellow, now in his late fifties, would look like as a young man of early twenties. We exchanged names and realised that he was actually in a tutorial group ahead of mine which was based on alphabetical order of our last name. He is now retired and we shared the justification of early retirement. Anyway I asked him "So, what did you do after you left school?" In a flash it occurred to me how irrelevantly outdated the question was, asking a retiree what he did after he left school. Maybe, this question is more appropriate to be exchanged by our children. Whatever path we had taken seemed to be of little significance now. Hence after briefly sharing our ex-career, we engaged more with exchanges about our family and our interests at retirement. We seem to understand what we value most at the end of the day. An unforgettable experience at the 2011 graduation ceremony in Columbia U is one of them.
(click on picture for better image)

Sunset vs Starting Out

Watched sunset at San Francisco beach. As the sun in its last brilliance dipped gracefully into the sea spreading an evening glow everywhere, the skies took on beautiful hues of orange, red, peach, green and blue for all to behold. It seems to be telling us that this is what life should be, a life which when gone will leave behind beautiful images for others to keep.

I can feel my daughter's dilemma over the past 2 weeks as she stuggled with some career choices. The common cliche "follow your heart" may not be as simple or useful for someone who is launching a career. Rationale battles the free spirit, structured path competes with a less trodden one (with its high risks and returns), and a more forseeable future at home versus a romantic dream abroad. My advice was no help as it too alternated between "follow your heart" and "methodically weighting the pros and cons of each alternative". In the process I also realised the first advice may come from an irresponsible part of me wanting my children to live my unfulfilled romanticism.

Yesterday on CCTV4, a professor in China spoke philosophically about knowing our true self using the analogy of a story. An official had to make a journey to a far off town to assume officious duties. He was also tasked to bring a monk with him. For the journey he brought a trunk bearing food and necessities and important official documents. One night whilst the official was sleeping, the monk shaved the official's head and swapped clothtings with him and stole away. The official woke up the next morning and the monk was nowhere to be seen. He promptly checked his belongings. His trunk was intact (material stuff) and his documents were safe (duties and responsibilities) but he did not realise he had lost himself.

I guess no matter which part of the journey we are at, it is always important to be aware of our inner self and what for us is our own centre of our gravity.

A chapter and a book

About 4 years ago in 2007, there were many farewells for me. I resigned from the company which I worked for almost 30 years, bidding goodbye to many close colleagues. In the same year, my daughter left home for college education in the states. My maid for more than 12 years went home to Sri Lanka. My neighbour who shared the same backyard fence sold her house; whilst the neighbour on my left who is a diplomat was posted to Laos and moved there with his entire family. I can still remember waving to his adorable 5 year old son when the car left for the airport.

This diplomat neighbour has returned after a 4 year posting and is moving in next week after renovating his house. Tonight I am going to the States to attend my daughter's convocation. If she decides to accept a job offer in Singapore, she too would be back. In a flash, I think of this 4 year period like a chapter in a book. During this period I had to struggle to re-establish a new identity within myself. There was lots of time for reflection and letting the real needs surface. Though I can't say that I really know myself now, I think I am at least a bit closer to my inner self than before.

Also in a homecoming of sorts, I have in my book shelf amongst many old and brownish looking books one titled "Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoyevsky. When I was reading a book introducing existentialism a few months back, there was mention that Dostoyevsky, the Russian writer is one of the early existentialists. Hence my interest was stirred and I picked up the book by Dostoyevsky to read "again" with very little recollection of having read it before. The first page on the left upper corner was my signature and the date "7-6-76". I bought the book some 35 years ago! The book has 382 pages. To help me appreciate the book better I also surfed the net for some critical analysis and was surprised when someone mentioned that the book has 900 pages. Perhaps the guy had one with large fonts because mine has really very small font. However when I was about 50 pages to the end I became puzzled that the story was no where ending. I then scrutinized the faded cover only to discover there was a faint and almost invisible "1" after the title, denoting it to be volume 1. I told my son about it and he remarked that I set a guiness record for taking 35 years to read a book only to realise it is half way through. Somehow I feel it is also symbolic of me realising that I still do not know how my own story should be after 35years.

I went to the library to borrow the complete volumes and have just finished reading it. I realised that 35 years ago I abandoned the book half way which explained why I did not proceed to buy the second volume. In retrospect it was a good thing because I would never have appreciated the book as a young person of early twenties. Now with an additional 35 years of meeting, observing and engaging with various types of people, as well as my own self reflection, I can relate more to this epic novel about 4 brother who are each trapped in their own way, one a prisoner of passion and sensuality, one of intellect, one of spirituality and one of dire external circumstances. In a way my finishing this book after 35 years adds on to my recent feeling of homecoming.

Reformation

On the nite when the election results were being broadcasted, my daughter was having an election party with some friends in NY. I was trying to update her through email the latest news available at the various websites and CNA, when she called to say my news was outdated. She confirmed WP's victory in Aljunied, apparently from twitter sources, at just after 11 pm. I could hear a lot of excitment in the background. My husband and I then left for the Hougang Stadium to join in the jubilation. That probably was the first time in decades that I literally leapt up into the air and punched my fist.

My nephew-in-law made a comment on his facebook before election day that he was puzzled why so many people are angry with PAP. He then followed with a reminder of the great work that PAP has done. His comments drew an avalanche of comments from my other nephews and nieces and mine as well about the PAP's serious shortcomings. Sentiments and emotions aside, I am also quite puzzled at the spectrum of people against the ruling party, at least amongst those I know off. They range from my taiji classmates (a SME business man and woman, taiji coach, and even an ang moh retired teacher married to a Singapore man and who has taught in our schools before) to some colleagues in my school, to rich friends who live on passive income, to unionist secretly, to my husband's relatives who had been bullied and robbed off their farmland and livelihood as farmers and given pittance as compensation decades ago, to many young tertiary educated people and not to mention many overseas students. Many people have reminded me prior to polling day of the privilege I have to vote in Aljunied and trust that I would vote wisely.

I am glad I did my part. My only regret is that BG Yeo described as a man with IQ, EQ and CQ (cultural quotient) lost his minister post. I commented in the yahoo site that I respected him a lot but I had no choice. It was necessary to give strong signals to PAP to reform its modus operandi and attitude. It is quite frightening to see PAP's inability to draw good young people with passion into its party. I am really happy that the 6% drop in their winning margin will see some reformation in the Party. Hopefully a reformed and just PAP will start to attract the young again, without which one can hear the death knell of decadence in the distance. So, I am happy with the election results for it spells hope and renewal.

Cooling Off

Hmmm...I think I better practise Chinese calligraphy tonite prior to tuning in for the GE 2011 results to "cool off". Should WP fail to win Aljunied I would be so disheartened and vexed that I would probably punch the person nearest to me who is most likely to be my husband.

Release of my Repressed Anger

Haha I was asked why I have not blogged for days. As you could have imagined the past week I have been occupied with "national issues". I have acquired a new addiction of posting comments about GE 2011 on some websites including Yahoo Singapore.

It all started last Thursday. I was having a quick dinner at home with my brother and sister-in-law who have travelled all the way from Bukit Panjang to accompany me to the WP rally, when the door bell rang twice with no one in sight when I went to check. At the 3rd ring, a group of PAP people were outside the gate announcing the arrival of the PAP MP (the first 2 rings I supposed were pressed by the lackeys in preparation). The conversation went as follow:

MP: Oh you are having dinner?
Me: Ah yes, we are having a quick dinner and rushing off to attend the rally at Hougang Central
MP: Are you a WP supporter?
Me: Yes
MP: Are you going to reconsider?
Me: That's why we are going to attend the rally to see what they've got to say
One PAP lackey: Aren't you afraid your estate will be downgraded?
Me: Sometimes we got to sacrifice a bit what

I related the conversation to my children over skype and they could not believe that the PAP lackey was so dumb as to threaten voters. I told them the ministers are doing it too. Sure enough 2 days later, MM used the word "repent" for Aljunied voters who vote for WP (I am in Aljunied). Fueled by the sentiments at the rally I spent quite a bit of time at home visitng websites and venting my angry comments as well.

I find that I am especially emotional about the unfair play. So I have a comment which went like "I can not understand why anyone will support a party that not only cultivates personal self interest,but practices foul play in broad daylight (rezoning constituencies and using tax money to their political advantage)". I also have some comments about the party's haugtiness, arrogance, insensitivity etc. What surprises me is that whilst I write I am really very vexed and I feel hot and flustered.

Reflecting upon my emotions I suspect I may be projecting my repressed anger (over unfair play) on the PAP. As a child I received my primary education in a very prestigious school attended by many rich girls. Many teachers were obnoxious. They not only favoured those rich girls but also bullied the children from poor families who of course also never fared that well academically. A few of such hurtful incidents are still fresh in my head after almost half a century! Looks like the PAP is now offering me a chance to vent my long repressed anger and a chance for closure.