Today is National Day and I shall be honest. I don't feel a thing beyond a small desire to go downtown this evening to watch the fireworks. Nothing can ever douse my fascination for fireworks; not even after experiencing the full impact at Athens on New Year's eve with the firework dust dropping into my very eyes. Now I forget who gave me all the opportunities that I can earn enough not only to feel secure but to be able to enjoy travelling to various parts of the world.
Hai! Yes I admit I am not a grateful person and much worse a great whiner too. Following the normal course of a whiner, I tried this morning to find an excuse for my lack of patriotism. Well I find comfort in the findings of a survey in Singapore that shows the elites are the least loyal in the country. Not to say I consider myself an elite but well there must be a external reason for this. Then I thought perhaps it is because I spent the best part of my childhood and early adolescence in KL. The school that shaped me was in KL and my alma mater focused on holistic education and was renowned for instilling the love of literature into its students. You may sense the alienation I felt when I stepped foot into Singapore with its very practical approach of turning out technocrats, eg. accountants and engineers in abundance.
Still becoming a technocrat relieved me from loads of worries about earning a living and helped build a reserve sufficient not only to feel secured but also allowed some small luxuries. But somehow, the heart still does not feel grateful, hai...
And then I would pursue the train of thought about Singapore being too utilitarian bla bla bla turning us into unfeeling robots bla bla bla...hence the voidness bla bla bla...
I have mentioned in previous blogs that I entertained thoughts of scaling down in Singapore and finding a second home somewhere else. I think that will somehow enrich my life. The only thing that holds me back is how to replicate in a foreign land the joy that I am experiencing now, engaging with our local children.
Perhaps there is still something in this land that tugs at my heart, the love for the little sons and daughters of its people.
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