Nowadays we were told to leave the doors opened at story telling sessions to address concerns parents may have about the content of the books read to the children (my own suspect is to ensure no religious influence). At the same time parents are allowed to sit in. At first I felt uncomfortable and played down any drama. I also become more conscious of my grammar just in case parents complain about my bad English. On the plus side, I can be quite encouraged by their amusement. There is this lady who seems so amused by my drama and is so easily tickled and laughs ever so readily. One of these days I am going to invite her to act as one of the characters in my story. Sometimes when I see the kids, especially older children or adults laugh at my jokes I break down in laughter as well appreciating my own jokes!
Yesterday a lady who remained ever so serious, sat at a corner of the room. She had a head scarf on, not worn in a fashionable manner, such that I wondered whether she is receiving chemeotherapy. She sat there reading unperturbed by the noise and laughter in the room. Occasionally she looked up and cast an expressionless look at us. She left some impression on me.
After each story telling session, I usually reward myself with a bowl of hot almond paste at a dessert outlet. Yesterday, there was this middle aged couple seated at a table next to mine. Their conversation was so interesting that I strained my ears to eavesdrop. Throughout, this guy kept asking intermittently the question "Why must he become a monk?", to which the same reply but in various forms "how I know", "you ask me I ask who" and " I wish I know" came from the woman. My curiosity was not satisfied as I never got further information beyond this exchange which I soon realised is more of self wonder and bewilderment by both. After a while there was a new slant when the woman exclaimed in exasperation " If he had said he wanted to be a doctor or lawyer would you have asked why". I sat there eating and thinking about the sick (my guess) woman who sat in at my story session and this couple. If this couple were given a choice between having a child who is sick and a child who wants to be a monk, which would they have chosen.
I also recalled my daughter relating to me the circumstances about one of her friends. Before this girl left for UK under a scholarship she had a boyfriend whom her parents disapproved of. Why? Because the boy was not good enough for her. It was something like the boy is pursuing a course which is not law, nor medicine nor business at a local U and is not ambitious enough or something. Subsequently they broke off and the girl fell in love with a Pakistani Muslim in UK from the same college. The parents being Christians are devastated and when she comes back for summer holiday encourages her to reconcile with the former boyfriend.
No matter how slow you take to finish a bowl of almond paste you can not pretend to linger on for long. As I left I just thought about the things we can learn just by reflecting what we see and hear, "be thankful" is just one.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Learning to be Alive
In an article in Mind your Body entitled "Put anxiety into words", Dr Douglas Kong, consultant psychiatrist at Mt E, explained that due to socio-cultural factors we are not expressive of our own feelings or do not have the vocabulary to express them. As such anxieties may surface through physical symptoms such as palpitations, breathlessness, insomnia etc. Thus people seek to reduce the symptoms by resorting to drugs, which only help in the short term.
In his book, "Man's Search for Himself", Rollo May, exixtential psychologist, talked about how people try to overcome anxiety through activity. "Many people keep busy all the time as a way of covering up anxiety; their activism is a way of running from themselves. They get a pseudo and temporary sense of aliveness by being in a hurry, as though something is going on if they are but moving, and as though being busy is a proof of one’s importance."
He goes on to advocate how we should try to be more in touch with ourselves and to have more self awareness in order to be really alive, "Along with rediscovering our feelings and wants, is (the need) to recover our relation with the subconscious aspects of ourselves". "Self awareness.....brings back into the picture the quieter kinds of aliveness- the arts of contemplation and meditation. It brings a new appreciation for being something rather than merely doing something".
He then goes on to quote Robert Louis Stevenson, "To be idle requires a strong sense of personal identity.”
I feel I can relate to the above, ie. how I occasionally fear being alone doing nothing because of some unexplained anxieties creeping up in me. I would then busy myself to avoid such feelings. I ascribe this to our upbringing where inactivity is perceived as uselessness and lack of importance; and the belief being subconsciously ingrained in us from young that we must work hard to survive (because as a small country we lack resoureces bla bla bla- hahaha blame the government for all your little ills).
I feel it is important for our young people to be given the chance to be creatively idle. It is sad that subjects like Art and Literature are not encouraged by some schools because they are subjects difficult to score. Somehow I am just worried our young people are too busy, multi tasking, balancing heavy workload (be it school or work) with clubbing and other pleasures, sacrificing even sleep to maximise each available hour of the day.
As for me, I am slowly learning to enjoy being myself. For instance I went swimming in a deserted pool yesterday. The touch of water against my body never felt so good.
In his book, "Man's Search for Himself", Rollo May, exixtential psychologist, talked about how people try to overcome anxiety through activity. "Many people keep busy all the time as a way of covering up anxiety; their activism is a way of running from themselves. They get a pseudo and temporary sense of aliveness by being in a hurry, as though something is going on if they are but moving, and as though being busy is a proof of one’s importance."
He goes on to advocate how we should try to be more in touch with ourselves and to have more self awareness in order to be really alive, "Along with rediscovering our feelings and wants, is (the need) to recover our relation with the subconscious aspects of ourselves". "Self awareness.....brings back into the picture the quieter kinds of aliveness- the arts of contemplation and meditation. It brings a new appreciation for being something rather than merely doing something".
He then goes on to quote Robert Louis Stevenson, "To be idle requires a strong sense of personal identity.”
I feel I can relate to the above, ie. how I occasionally fear being alone doing nothing because of some unexplained anxieties creeping up in me. I would then busy myself to avoid such feelings. I ascribe this to our upbringing where inactivity is perceived as uselessness and lack of importance; and the belief being subconsciously ingrained in us from young that we must work hard to survive (because as a small country we lack resoureces bla bla bla- hahaha blame the government for all your little ills).
I feel it is important for our young people to be given the chance to be creatively idle. It is sad that subjects like Art and Literature are not encouraged by some schools because they are subjects difficult to score. Somehow I am just worried our young people are too busy, multi tasking, balancing heavy workload (be it school or work) with clubbing and other pleasures, sacrificing even sleep to maximise each available hour of the day.
As for me, I am slowly learning to enjoy being myself. For instance I went swimming in a deserted pool yesterday. The touch of water against my body never felt so good.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Life's Progress
Next week looms gloomy. Daughter just flew back after summer holiday and son in camp. School breaks for a week. At times like these, with the whole week at one's own disposal, one should be feeling really free and lucky. The choice is unlimited, you can spend the whole week reading, following a exercise regime, shopping, visiting relatives, going for shows with your sisters, catching up with friends, blogging, planning for winter holiday, tidying up the house etc etc. When I was working I would have cried for joy, not only for the break but also for the lack of a work-burdened mind. The contemplation of a week alone does not seem so inviting to me now. Somehow I prefer company.
Looking back at my life, when I was an adolesccent I did not like company. I forced myself to join in activities with whichever close circle I happened to be in at every stage of my early life and did not really enjoy it at all. I moved with each circle just not to be deemed as being aloof. As Rollo May says in his book Man's Search for Himself, " If a person is alone very much of the time, people tend to think of him as a failure, for it is inconceivable to them that he would choose to be alone...."
But strangely as the years go by and I gain more independence of what I want out of my life and less interested in what people perceive of me, I feel more and more the pleasures of interacting with people; from the exchange of ideas and experiences. This warmth is more pronounced when I show concern and interest for their welfare like when I chat with parents of my young clients. In the early days after I resigned from my previous corporate job, I felt a bit disappointed when people abruptly dropped me from their mind once I was of no use to them (like a banker whom I thought was almost a friend but called not to bade me farewell or wish me well but to get tips to clinch a deal before I left). Now I respect different individuals as pursuers of their own goals and destinies and are of no consequence to me if we do not bond.
This then perhaps is what we call progress and growth, from a lone individual struggling to fit in with the crowd to one who is in the process of finding a centre within, which can support meaningful and warm interaction with others.
Looking back at my life, when I was an adolesccent I did not like company. I forced myself to join in activities with whichever close circle I happened to be in at every stage of my early life and did not really enjoy it at all. I moved with each circle just not to be deemed as being aloof. As Rollo May says in his book Man's Search for Himself, " If a person is alone very much of the time, people tend to think of him as a failure, for it is inconceivable to them that he would choose to be alone...."
But strangely as the years go by and I gain more independence of what I want out of my life and less interested in what people perceive of me, I feel more and more the pleasures of interacting with people; from the exchange of ideas and experiences. This warmth is more pronounced when I show concern and interest for their welfare like when I chat with parents of my young clients. In the early days after I resigned from my previous corporate job, I felt a bit disappointed when people abruptly dropped me from their mind once I was of no use to them (like a banker whom I thought was almost a friend but called not to bade me farewell or wish me well but to get tips to clinch a deal before I left). Now I respect different individuals as pursuers of their own goals and destinies and are of no consequence to me if we do not bond.
This then perhaps is what we call progress and growth, from a lone individual struggling to fit in with the crowd to one who is in the process of finding a centre within, which can support meaningful and warm interaction with others.
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