Mother's Day- Reflection

Yesterday my husband's extended family went out to celebrate mother's day. My "elder" sister-in-law (wife of my husband's elder brother who is actually a year younger than me) was busy chasing her grandson round the restaurant. My sister-in-law is from a very different background as me. In my generation, in many cases depending on the academic achievement, siblings from the same family can land up in vastly different segments of society. My husband's elder brother was not good in his studies and hence worked as a fisherman, construction worker amongst many other occupation. To make ends meet, my sister-in-law worked very hard to supplement the family income. She brought up her 3 sons well and they appreciate her struggles(because their father used to gamble his income away). Throughout the years, we often heard from my mother in law about the troubles in that family and how my sister in law held the family together. Now things are much much better. My elder nephew is a policeman whilst the other 2 signed on with the army.

Yesterday when I saw my sister-in-law running after her grandson and her joy when inviting us to the ROM ceremony of her second son, I felt she really deserved all this happiness.

I now cast the scene to my family. I of course married late and my children have not even completed their studies. But the difference is more than that. My children, especially my son caution me against transference and projection onto others. So I am reminded to look for fulfilment in my OWN life and not through my children, ie. I should not feel happy or fulfilled only when my children are happy or fulfilled. In short I have to "regain the experience of myself...as the creative bearer of my own life" (Eric Fromm).

Goodness me, what a grilling! I told my children many women, especially Asian women center their lives on their children. I am not alone in having feelings which highly correlate with that of my children. Isn't that part of MOTHER nature? Ha, apparently that is what my children hate ie. when I always say "many people are like that too". They say I need to have more focus and determination to be different and what the herd does is not an excuse for being lazy to change.

Reflecting on what they say it is not without logic. I think whilst being a good mother is to bring up children to be wholesome and happy individuals (to our best ability and knowledge, don't kill yourself if you don't have much haha), we should also look to our inner self to find our own fulfilment. However if fulfilment is running after your grandson like my sister-in-law, just be joyful about it.