Fight Flight Flow

Had a family get together yesterday.It was the first time I introduced my cat Miao Miao to my family.

My niece as usual brought her dog, Hammer, a mild mannered Schnauzer. When Miao2 first caught sight of Hammer, she exhibited a defensive alternated by flea behaviour, an instinctive Fight and Flight reaction. Only after sizing up Hammer, getting used to the new faces in the house and assured by our continuous presence, did she relax and warm up to the people around her. She ended up being a darling of the day. Her behaviour during the day can be best described as Flight, Fight and Flow.

One of my friends introduced me to the caption of these 3F words in Choice Therapy.In our life and in every threatened situation, these are the common approaches or attitude. Unfortunately due to developmental issues in life or some very deep imprints, many of us are stuck with either the Fight or Flight behaviour and find it difficult to move on to the Flow approach. Some people need to bulldoze, punish and control before they feel safe. Others seek to resign and submit at the distressed expense of own needs. To be in the flow requires an assessment of one's own needs versus those around you. Be aware and accept the fears inside us. We also recognise the fear that drive those around us to react. Having recognised these fears, reach for an agreement.

"Let go the belief that flowing is weak -- look at mighty mountains carved by streams.
Let go the fear that emotions will overwhelm you if you actually feel them -- look at the stone floating smoothly. (like those large stone balls floating on a cushion of water in fountains)
Let go the terror of being different -- look at the glorious rainbow of an ocean reef.
Let go your hurry to know it now -- look how long it's taking to find a cure for the common cold.
Let go the embarrassment of being wrong -- look at the stunning risks that have advanced human kind." - Joshua Freedman

If Miao2 had fled to hide or fought with Hammer, it would have spoilt the delightful moments we all had cooing and stroking it. Their advice to me "Go get another name for the cat. It deserves a better name". I thought about it and will go with the flow. Miao2 is fine because she responds with a sweet soft "meow..." when I call out "Miao2".

All About Emotional Intelligence from Six Seconds - Fight or Flow Part I: "Hit Back First"