Not sure how many people in Singapore know about the humanities (humans) program offered in JCs. Students who have the literary flair can opt for this program where history, literature and economics are taught by expatriate teachers. These teachers groom the kids to aim for top universities in UK and US.
Maybe because of the interesting manner the subjects are being taught, quite a good number of humans students acquire a love for literature and history; and wish to major in these subjects in college. For those who are on scholarship, they are often "excused" for pursuing something so "impractical" because they are not spending their parents' money anyway. Not so when they are self financed.
Poor kids, even if their parents think that it's money well spent to pursue a liberal arts education abroad, they receive comments a plenty from other adults and even peers about being impratical and "wasting" their parents' money. Mind you these young people are only 18 years old or thereabout and may not have developed that kind of maturity and confidence to focus on their goal. Such comments coming from adults may cause them to feel guilty about overspending and not being practical;and they may truly wonder whether they have faltered in their choice. This is especially so when almost every one around them is pursuing business studies and law; and aiming to be an investment banker or lawyer and competing to make the first million.
Young people whose goal is to be rich have less of a dilemma. They just need to pursue an education that promises to meet the objective in the shortest time span, clearly straight forward. They also get lots of assurances from parents, friends and relatives who cheer them on and congratulate them for their wise choice.
But I salute all those students who dare to be different and pursue their own interests. Yes, it could well be that when they are older they may find that they were too idealistic once; and realise that money and status is still very important. They can still subsequently pursue education towards that end . But the fact that they dare to try something different from the main stream is most admirable. The world needs more of them . Else the whole society will just be on a mindless pursuit for wealth and status with their trappings of luxurious living and blinded ego. Some soulfulness is needed admist this sterile onslaught.
Here I would like to quote Prof Shih Choon Fong, President of NUS who himself was not able to enter NUS but remarked that studing overseas helped shape the way he now led NUS:
"I had the good fortune of meeting people who were enlightened, who understood education as really opening up the mind and encouraging students to think critically and independently and to pursue their passions......And so I brought that experience to Singapore and NUS".
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Heal thyself first
Every aspiring counsellor has to resolve his or her unfinnished business (if any) in order to function effectively.
In my case I suffer from anxieties that plague me ever so often. I worry excessively.The slightest physical discomfort would send me scurrying to consult the medical encyclopaedia or internet for illnesses that display such symptoms. If any family member has a late nite out and never calls I would never be able to sleep. In particular I worry when my children are troubled or feel lousey.
I have often suspected my uncalled for anxieties developed out of my childhood experiences. Ha, what a cliche but that's exactly it, common as it may seems . My parents fought every other day and as a child I counted each lucky day without an incident. We the children would always be on high alert and on a constant look out for triggers. There was always a feeling of impending doom. This may catch many of you who know me by surprise. I often appear to be so cheerful. Well, not all is lost with an unhappy childhood. You try to shake off the unpleasant past, substituting with humour as much as you can. Only this anxiety is like an albatross. It creeps into me becoming almost my second nature and a very bad habit indeed. What's more "worrying", my behaviour may rub onto my children.
So for my own sake and that of my family, I have to change. There is no use blaming my parents because they in turn were victims of bad experiences. Being aware of the roots of my anxieties helps me realise it is not my fault i.e. it is not self imposed. However that does not mean I do not have the responsibility to change.
To do so I am constanlty challenging my irrational thinking which give rise to my anxieties. It is not easy but I just have to practise and practise. Hopefully as I master more skills when I proceed to the module on "Counselling for Change" it will be easier.
In my case I suffer from anxieties that plague me ever so often. I worry excessively.The slightest physical discomfort would send me scurrying to consult the medical encyclopaedia or internet for illnesses that display such symptoms. If any family member has a late nite out and never calls I would never be able to sleep. In particular I worry when my children are troubled or feel lousey.
I have often suspected my uncalled for anxieties developed out of my childhood experiences. Ha, what a cliche but that's exactly it, common as it may seems . My parents fought every other day and as a child I counted each lucky day without an incident. We the children would always be on high alert and on a constant look out for triggers. There was always a feeling of impending doom. This may catch many of you who know me by surprise. I often appear to be so cheerful. Well, not all is lost with an unhappy childhood. You try to shake off the unpleasant past, substituting with humour as much as you can. Only this anxiety is like an albatross. It creeps into me becoming almost my second nature and a very bad habit indeed. What's more "worrying", my behaviour may rub onto my children.
So for my own sake and that of my family, I have to change. There is no use blaming my parents because they in turn were victims of bad experiences. Being aware of the roots of my anxieties helps me realise it is not my fault i.e. it is not self imposed. However that does not mean I do not have the responsibility to change.
To do so I am constanlty challenging my irrational thinking which give rise to my anxieties. It is not easy but I just have to practise and practise. Hopefully as I master more skills when I proceed to the module on "Counselling for Change" it will be easier.
Satisfaction- various kind
Had 35 children at my story telling session yesterday. Great fun! Gee never know I am quite good at slapsticks. So joyful when the while room resounds with happy, heartfelt, shrieking laughter. Felt good after that. Doesn't take much to be happy does it.
I have often said when I was working, that work achievement (eg.when a big project is completed) brought a lot of satisfaction. The sense of accomplishment, the sense of pride, confidence and the gush of "Hey ain't I great" feeling rushed up and you felt like you were on cloud nine. Used to be in Melbourne, it really felt good the day after the financial close and the signing ceremony. Instead of getting up late I would go to Victoria Market early in the morning to buy snacks etc to bring home. I felt as if I was walking on air, feeling very "lia bu qi".
It is yet another feeling when you make children happy. I had a bit of success with a young teenager. Got him to finally engage his mother for a heart to heart talk and resolve some inter-personal issues. At our last session before the school holidays, his visible good mood affected me. That day I walked around town not on cloud nine. I don't know why but I had this very earthly feeling. How do I put it? It is a contentment of a very different nature, not elated or shouting out for joy kind. I walked very slowly (not floating) and every step I took I felt a connection to the world (Don't laugh), a quiet peace within me, if you may.
Yesterday's story telling session was yet a different experience. Simply put you just have a heartfelt laughter every time you recall their childish joy and laughter.
I have often said when I was working, that work achievement (eg.when a big project is completed) brought a lot of satisfaction. The sense of accomplishment, the sense of pride, confidence and the gush of "Hey ain't I great" feeling rushed up and you felt like you were on cloud nine. Used to be in Melbourne, it really felt good the day after the financial close and the signing ceremony. Instead of getting up late I would go to Victoria Market early in the morning to buy snacks etc to bring home. I felt as if I was walking on air, feeling very "lia bu qi".
It is yet another feeling when you make children happy. I had a bit of success with a young teenager. Got him to finally engage his mother for a heart to heart talk and resolve some inter-personal issues. At our last session before the school holidays, his visible good mood affected me. That day I walked around town not on cloud nine. I don't know why but I had this very earthly feeling. How do I put it? It is a contentment of a very different nature, not elated or shouting out for joy kind. I walked very slowly (not floating) and every step I took I felt a connection to the world (Don't laugh), a quiet peace within me, if you may.
Yesterday's story telling session was yet a different experience. Simply put you just have a heartfelt laughter every time you recall their childish joy and laughter.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A mother's anxieties
Often I feel helpless as a mother to console my own children when they are feeling lousy. There is a vast difference between sympathy and empathy.
Sympathy is really feeling sorry for the person. Being overly involved and affected cripples one's ability to help. The immediate response tends to be a rush for a solution to stop the hurt or solve the problem. Hence a lot of inappropriate advice may be showered.
Empathy is being aware of the issues and understanding how the helpee is feeling. Very often, they just need to be heard and be understood. That could be therapeutic in itself. When they have some blind spots, irrational thinking or unrealistic expectations, gentle challenges would then be appropriate.
However when the helpee is your own child, it is not so easy. One tends to be overly affected and then as usual the flight for safety behaviour surfaces and assessment of the situation is clouded etc etc.
Sigh. I often forget that I have my own share of strivings in my childhood, growing up, working,caring for the family and drifting into middle age.How then can I not expect that my children will go through these phases, the ups and downs. How unrealistic for me to want a smooth and trouble free existence for them.
Ah.... a mother's anxieties. There is something I hope to achieve, to shake off this persistent anxiety. A struggle, but will keep trying and learning.
Ironically, whilst posting this and feeling a bit moody, I tune on to a playlist comprising my favourites which was recorded by my daughter and stored in "itune" for me. It is now playing "Smile" by Nat King Cole.
"Smile, though your heart is aching....
When they are clouds in the sky, you'll get by"
You learn from the children, so much!
Sympathy is really feeling sorry for the person. Being overly involved and affected cripples one's ability to help. The immediate response tends to be a rush for a solution to stop the hurt or solve the problem. Hence a lot of inappropriate advice may be showered.
Empathy is being aware of the issues and understanding how the helpee is feeling. Very often, they just need to be heard and be understood. That could be therapeutic in itself. When they have some blind spots, irrational thinking or unrealistic expectations, gentle challenges would then be appropriate.
However when the helpee is your own child, it is not so easy. One tends to be overly affected and then as usual the flight for safety behaviour surfaces and assessment of the situation is clouded etc etc.
Sigh. I often forget that I have my own share of strivings in my childhood, growing up, working,caring for the family and drifting into middle age.How then can I not expect that my children will go through these phases, the ups and downs. How unrealistic for me to want a smooth and trouble free existence for them.
Ah.... a mother's anxieties. There is something I hope to achieve, to shake off this persistent anxiety. A struggle, but will keep trying and learning.
Ironically, whilst posting this and feeling a bit moody, I tune on to a playlist comprising my favourites which was recorded by my daughter and stored in "itune" for me. It is now playing "Smile" by Nat King Cole.
"Smile, though your heart is aching....
When they are clouds in the sky, you'll get by"
You learn from the children, so much!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Intense feelings -savour it
It is common for adolescents and teenagers to feel extremes of emotions. My lecturer calls it "awfulizing" and "I-can't-stand-ititus" (itus as in tonsilitus, an illness).
Awfulizing is exaggerating the negative consequence of a situation to an extreme degree.
I-can't-stand-ititus is low fustration tolerance, hence you often hear them comment on how they can't stand the teachers for example.
In addition wishes or preferences become demands and needs.
We have gone through this phase but most likely have forgotten our feelings then. Out of curiosity I dug out my diaries of 3 decades ago. My my, was I a moody teenager. I hated hypocrisy in people to the extremes. If my teenage self were to judge my present self now, the young me would have squirmed. Sigh! but that's the real world isn't it? How to reveal your true feelings all the time? Maybe the adults call it EQ and not hypocrisy.
But then again I wish I can regain a bit of that intensity now. So if your kids display these traits, tell them to savour it, hahaha
Awfulizing is exaggerating the negative consequence of a situation to an extreme degree.
I-can't-stand-ititus is low fustration tolerance, hence you often hear them comment on how they can't stand the teachers for example.
In addition wishes or preferences become demands and needs.
We have gone through this phase but most likely have forgotten our feelings then. Out of curiosity I dug out my diaries of 3 decades ago. My my, was I a moody teenager. I hated hypocrisy in people to the extremes. If my teenage self were to judge my present self now, the young me would have squirmed. Sigh! but that's the real world isn't it? How to reveal your true feelings all the time? Maybe the adults call it EQ and not hypocrisy.
But then again I wish I can regain a bit of that intensity now. So if your kids display these traits, tell them to savour it, hahaha
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Empathic responding
Ok when I come across useful things when pursuing my counselling course I would like to share with my friends.
I learnt about this Carkhuff rating scale that measures the empathy of responses rendered, when listening to someone describes an event which affects them. The higher the rating the deeper the empathy.
For example if a girl laments:
"Mum and dad are just too strict. I'm nearly 17, and I'm not allowed to go out at night, not even with girlfriends. My friends at school all go out and I can't understand why I'm not allowed to"
A 1.0 response eg: "Don't be like that. Your parents know what is best for you" diminishes her problem and will certainly stop the girl from talking further as she feels misunderstood. Self disclosure like "I was also controlled by my parents when I was a teenager" is also unrelated to her feelings and is rated 1.0.
A 1.5 response which gives advice too early eg. "why don't you have a heart to heart talk with your parents" is too quick without trying to understand the issue and doesn't convey empathy.
A 2.0 response just restates the content without describing her feelings, eg "oh so your parents are quite strict with you"
A 2.5 response empathises her feelings, eg. " So you are furious with your parents" . This remark will draw out more content from her and she will either affirm or clarify her real feelings.
A 3.0 response empathises her feelings and describes the content as well, eg. "So you feel furious because your parents controls your movement excessively" If an accuracy of feeling and content is achieved the girl will feel understood and will go on elaborating.
Responses that include a feeling are rated higher as acknowledging an emotion encourages the helpee to further explore her issues.
I often find myself giving 1.0 and 1.5 responses to my children. No wonder they sometimes stop short and refuse to talk further.
Hope above is useful, haha
I learnt about this Carkhuff rating scale that measures the empathy of responses rendered, when listening to someone describes an event which affects them. The higher the rating the deeper the empathy.
For example if a girl laments:
"Mum and dad are just too strict. I'm nearly 17, and I'm not allowed to go out at night, not even with girlfriends. My friends at school all go out and I can't understand why I'm not allowed to"
A 1.0 response eg: "Don't be like that. Your parents know what is best for you" diminishes her problem and will certainly stop the girl from talking further as she feels misunderstood. Self disclosure like "I was also controlled by my parents when I was a teenager" is also unrelated to her feelings and is rated 1.0.
A 1.5 response which gives advice too early eg. "why don't you have a heart to heart talk with your parents" is too quick without trying to understand the issue and doesn't convey empathy.
A 2.0 response just restates the content without describing her feelings, eg "oh so your parents are quite strict with you"
A 2.5 response empathises her feelings, eg. " So you are furious with your parents" . This remark will draw out more content from her and she will either affirm or clarify her real feelings.
A 3.0 response empathises her feelings and describes the content as well, eg. "So you feel furious because your parents controls your movement excessively" If an accuracy of feeling and content is achieved the girl will feel understood and will go on elaborating.
Responses that include a feeling are rated higher as acknowledging an emotion encourages the helpee to further explore her issues.
I often find myself giving 1.0 and 1.5 responses to my children. No wonder they sometimes stop short and refuse to talk further.
Hope above is useful, haha
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Oh just say housewife lah!
Yea just in case you walk away thinking I am on top of the world everyday (after reading the last post). First of all you may face an identity crisis when you are not holding a job.
See when you need to state your occupation, it has to be either housewife or retiree. I once put "investor". The guy processing the form asked me to fill in company name. "err...but i invest my own money" "Oh do you mind if I put it as housewife" I said ok but I muttered I don't spend much time keeping house.
It does not help with all the recent government propaganda suggesting it is better to die on the job than die bankrupt and tortured with dementia (if one retires too early i.e.). Gosh so sad, used to be in the seventies and eighties our ex colleagues retired at 55 gracefully and happily. Now you feel guilty and unsure if you don't stick to the statutory retirement age of 62 (or is it 67? lost count , keeps moving)
Yea and then there is media flooding about how medical cost can wipe out everything bla bla bla. So drab, can't even let people enjoy their last fruitful years. But of course medical insurance is a must lah.
SO, one way to avoid all these duress is to see whether a second career is possible, hopefully something you really enjoy doing.
See when you need to state your occupation, it has to be either housewife or retiree. I once put "investor". The guy processing the form asked me to fill in company name. "err...but i invest my own money" "Oh do you mind if I put it as housewife" I said ok but I muttered I don't spend much time keeping house.
It does not help with all the recent government propaganda suggesting it is better to die on the job than die bankrupt and tortured with dementia (if one retires too early i.e.). Gosh so sad, used to be in the seventies and eighties our ex colleagues retired at 55 gracefully and happily. Now you feel guilty and unsure if you don't stick to the statutory retirement age of 62 (or is it 67? lost count , keeps moving)
Yea and then there is media flooding about how medical cost can wipe out everything bla bla bla. So drab, can't even let people enjoy their last fruitful years. But of course medical insurance is a must lah.
SO, one way to avoid all these duress is to see whether a second career is possible, hopefully something you really enjoy doing.
Doing Crazy things?
Ok doing lots of "crazy" stuff like storytelling at NLB. Fortunately parents are not allowed in the room. Never believe I can unashamedly act out the characters of an elf, a wicked step mother, a giant etc. You will probably feel embarrassed for me, haha. But believe me it's really fun!
Other than that, have been volunteering at a school assisting them to run a program to counsel kids causing trouble in class. Also helped to follow up for some of the school counsellor's cases.
Found myself lacking in skills, hence am now pursuing a Master course in Counselling (Australian U)
Had such a wonderful time in class. Both fellow students and lecturers are such warm and great people. First time in my life that I readily read the prescribed reading material when attending a course.
But of course life is not always that rosy. Occasionally very moody. Will elaborate in next post.
Cheers!
Other than that, have been volunteering at a school assisting them to run a program to counsel kids causing trouble in class. Also helped to follow up for some of the school counsellor's cases.
Found myself lacking in skills, hence am now pursuing a Master course in Counselling (Australian U)
Had such a wonderful time in class. Both fellow students and lecturers are such warm and great people. First time in my life that I readily read the prescribed reading material when attending a course.
But of course life is not always that rosy. Occasionally very moody. Will elaborate in next post.
Cheers!
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