Beyond 'Me'

 

If a man gets whatever he wants and every thing falls in place for him, will he be happy all the time? 

I google 'life is smooth sailing' to see whether anyone shares the feeling or experience of having an easy life. I only found one person who deems his life as smooth sailing amongst multitude postings of 'my life is never smooth sailing' or 'why is my life always a struggle'.

The young man who thinks he is quite blessed with supportive parents, financially secured background, good education and a good job, did also share about how he managed to overcome some challenges growing up as a person with high functioning autistic spectrum. He reckoned that his relatively smooth sailing life may not have trained him for tough challenges ahead. This young man comes across as a very positive and humble individual. Most important, as pointed out in many readers' comments, he is a person who is fully aware of himself and the circumstances around him and should well manage difficulties along the way.

'What's in the way is the way' as per the saying of one wise teacher.

One day I was meditating. Images,  memories, thoughts, plans, feelings jump in and out of my mind in fast succession. I watch them come and go as advised by teachers. In some brief moments I realise I have no control over all these mind flashes. Why? They are the make up of all that my senses and consciousness have encountered and accumulated, including that of the subconscious. I feel that much of me is beyond me. In a brief moment I loosen the grip of the ego Me.

'In the Way' does not only mean obstacles. They are all the stuff that come along the way, much are unexpected while much are also the product of causality.

Awareness will help to provide a clearer perspective of the way.

Time to live by what we are named

 What is a river? It is a name we give to a flow of water. It is in a continuously changing state, not even a fraction of a second the same or stagnant enough to be called an absolute object. In addition a river flows only because it is part of a natural terrain and we view a river in the totality of the water-flow together with its surroundings including the rocks/pebbles, the vegetation, the mist, the living and non living things in it ie. the entire landscape which we notice or not notice. Every tiny element of it is ever changing and yet every time we recall any river we have visited, we think of it as the same river we have last seen. 

A Buddhist teacher used the river as an analogy of 'self'. 

Reflecting on it I now think this may be what Einstein meant when he said:

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness".

If we adopt a paradigm shift departing from a separate 'self' approach and adopting more of a "being" approach, we may experience ourselves more as a 'flow'.

Mindfulness is one way to train our mind to be present with the flow. Meditation helps. When we focus on something say our breath, we are training our mind to be present. When feelings and thoughts arise we watch them come and go before calling our mind back to the focused point. We recognise our chattering mind, the feelings resulting from thoughts and vice versa. In some rare split-second moments we may understand the 'delusion' that Einstein and Buddha refer to. 

Apart from meditation there are also other ways to experience being in the flow eg. being absorbed in an activity such that you totally forget about yourself and are immersed in 'being'. 

Perhaps we should start living by what we are named, Human Being.

Walking does it

 

Well when you are stuck at home and travelling overseas is still a risk and a great hassle you have to look within your own country. Of course it is worse when you are living in an island state like Singapore with no hinterland; which is the reason why every holiday season will see a mass exodus out of the country. 

The recent weeks, with my husband being newly retired, we discovered a few nature walks which are quite refreshing. I didn't know Singapore still has many forested trails in addition to the coastal broad-walks, river and reservoir parks as well as botanical gardens. In the past I balked at the monotony of our manicured gardens, the blazing heat and the brow beating humidity which discourage one to venture outdoor. Thus walking has never been part of my exercise regime. Instead I attend air-cond fitness classes or swim in the late afternoons. The only outdoor exercise is my weekly Sunday 8-am taichi class when I have to pull myself out of bed so I wouldn't miss too much of it. 

With the suspension of fitness classes and quotas placed on the club's swimming pool I forced myself to walk, with a target of minimum 5000 steps per day. First I discovered much much more about my neighbourhood including small parks, a charming Japanese cemetery niched inside a residential estate, a broad canal/river just half an hour walk from home and quaint houses a few streets away. Of course I am still fussy over the weather choosing only cloudy days or timing walks after the rain.

Then I began to venture further from home taking a bus or train to forested places where I can do my nature walk even when it is sunny and hot. Where once I would never think of walking anywhere further than one bus stop , I now find walking no longer a chore and really quite pleasant especially when you are with nature. I have learnt to breach my 'comfort zone' and discovered lots of interesting places and gained new experiences. When walking alone I find myself more engaged with the world. The endorphins generated makes me comfortable after the walk and both body and soul feel restored.

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” -- Soren Kierkegaard (philosopher)

Training the mind

 

" Nothing can give you more support than a trained mind. Nothing can do you more harm than an untrained mind. " This is a paraphrase of Buddha's words: "I know of no other single thing, which brings so much pain as the untaught and untrained mind. Such incompetent mind carry much suffering."

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is one amongst many psychological interventions that align with the above theory. CBT tries to help patients identify unhelpful ways of thinking and aim to change their thinking pattern.

Letting our mind consistently roam and ruminate over some dissatisfaction or imperfections in life causes unnecessary unhappiness. Many untrained minds will allow this thinking pattern to persist. When told to think more positively many of us will blame it on an inherent constitution which inhibit any attempt to cease ruminations.  

It is enlightening to know that we can train our mind. "Neurons that fire together wire together"- neuropsychologist Donald Hebb expounded that pathways in the brain are formed and reinforced through repetition. Buddha teaches that our minds incline to what we habitually think and feel. 

Hence we have to make an effort to break bad thinking habits and discipline our mind. Well this is certainly good advice for people like the character Antonio in Shakespear's Merchant of Venice whose famous lines are " I hold the world but as the world, a stage where every man must play a part, and mine a sad one....In sooth, I know not why I am so sad...". 

It's a bad habit Antonio, that's why. The good news is you can start firing new neurons!

Dreams and the possibility of past lives

 I am now following the exciting Netflix series Money Heist. Of late I have been having quite extraordinary dreams. It is quite queer that dreams seem to incorporate various impressions, thoughts, small experiences, feelings and mere associations during the day and then roll them into a story in our dreams. For example during the day my sister's suggestion to pay respect at my deceased mum's niche, my husband's attempt to allay my fears about travelling again and watching Money Heist before bedtime created a dream about me and my mum being in a fix at a travel destination.

Sometimes when you wake up momentarily you recall vividly the story and try to register in your memory; and if it is something interesting you kind of will yourself to sleep and carry on with it. Most times the story doesn't continue and when morning comes your memory provides no clue to the story you tried so hard to register.

Some Buddhist teachers have described past lives like dreams which we can never recall. 

A thought came to me relating to this. If a dream comprises of various elements as I have mentioned above, it could very well be that our present life is a melting pot of the multitude of energies experienced in previous lives (if you consider rebirth a possibility). Just like you can recall certain tracks of your dream because of the intensity, I believe events most impressionable during past lives or imprints create energies that prevail and is carried forward to the present life, hence the make up of our body constitution and character including some deep underlining inner feelings and instincts. 

In this respect one should try to create more positive energy in this life. To do this I guess we have to be constantly aware of how our thoughts, actions and feelings (which are inter-related) will create the energy field that surround us now and carry forward to be spent in other lives. Our present approach and view of life may likely also be the lens we wear in future lives.

Plant Craze

 

There used to be a few 'nurseries' (or more like plant wholesalers) near my home where I go to get potted plants and garden supplies. Recently they were all evicted as the huge plot of land is earmarked for housing development. One of the 'nurseries' rented a shop space that used to house a bank. When it opened its door I was awed because it was a far cry from the sprawling damp and dirt tracked shop it once was. Instead the decor of the new outfit was quite avant garde with arrangement of plants in stylish pots that provide creative ideas to decorate your garden and home. Needless to say the pricing has also gone upmarket although they also brought in many new varieties.

Today's BT features the rise of 'boutique plant retailers' with the introductory paragraph "The latest must have item for the home isn't iconic designer furniture, but potted plants....Instead of spending money on new bags and shoes, shopping for plants has become the latest fashion accessory". Haha I laughed to myself , for once I can be considered cool and in vogue because I have a whole garden of potted plants. However when I read on and learnt that someone paid $40,000 for a "rare and exotic Philodendron Spiritus Sancti" I realise they are talking about another customer league altogether. I always think people who buy bags costing thousands are nuts but a single plant costing tens of thousands is madness. What if the plant dies after a few days?

Curious I google to see how exotic the plant is.

  Oh my. This $42K?

OK maybe this is a much better version. 

Apparently a new plant craze is raging led by 'plantfluencers' showcasing their rare plant collections and millennial collectors forging 'emotional connections to their plants going as far as naming them'.

Doesn't this again tie in with the millennials' pursuit to be unique and extraordinary and to stand out. What a hype. 

As someone puts it "A gardener learns more in the mistakes than in the successes". How many thousands of dollars will these new breed of gardeners have to splurge? As for me nothing is more satisfying than propagating new plants from old and being surprised when with patient nurturing, a half withered plant springs back to life. That is the true emotional bond.

Face the 4 walls at home

 

The government keeps reminding seniors above 60 to stay home, avoid going out unless it is to purchase essentials. Today's Straits Times published comments made by some seniors who seem to ignore the advice. Most of the comments seem to highlight the stifling boredom and being unhappy  staying at home the whole day. Another prevalent feeling is finding it hard to pass time or as one man puts it "At least when I am outside, time passes more quickly".

Wishing for time to pass more quickly sounds rather sad to me. It gives the impression that time on earth is a drudgery to be rid off. The feeling that time passes too slowly probably stems from boredom, unhappiness, purposelessness and not being engaged with something pleasant or interesting.

It scares me a bit to think that we depend so much on external stimulus to make life worth living. As we grow older the final reckoning is when body frailty and incapacity confines us at home. How do we then find meaning and purpose to live on when (as described by these senior) we have to "face the 4 walls at home"?

The first strategy is of course to delay such a situation as long as possible by staying healthy and keeping fit. The way I see it, the next best step to is to begin looking inward, to connect with our inner self and learn about 'Being'. Perhaps you can call it solitary spiritual pursuit sans group participation or having your own quiet time with God, the supreme being or whatever that can or cannot be named. The whole idea is to reconnect with some universal energy and mimimise dependency on our senses which continuously need stimulation to make us feel alive. This second strategy is best carried out when you have to "face the 4 walls at home".

Being forced to pursue this is perhaps another disguised blessings from Covid.