Learnt a new word today from a ST article. The word is "ageism" which basically means some form of stereotyping or negative connotations about older people. An example is the common perception that elderly employees are resistant to changes. The article suggests such negative stereotyping will perpectuate the fear of aging.
Let me tell you one fertile place to develop such an attitude is no other than attending a company AGM, especially that of a big blue chip company with loads of minority shareholders who are retirees. I usually prefer attending AGMs of smaller companies which analysts seldom cover and where you can crowd round the management during reception time to hear them talk about growth potentials and challenges. However I occasionally drop in on the AGMs of bigger companies as well because some of them give power point presentations. Some of these companies hold their AGMs in fully packed hotel ballrooms. If you go in late looking for a vacant chair, you pace down the aisle with rows of silver haired or balding people on each side. You plonk yourself admist "uncles" and "aunties" and blend in. If there isn't any power point presentation you hope that amongst the crowd there are people who query about business strategies and directions. Otherwise you cringe at old men badgering the company chairman/CEO about directors' fees increase, imploring for more dividend payout, grilling management for the details of "miscellaneous expenses", commenting about venue of the AGM, compaining about the buffet spread and sharing funny and not so funny remarks. When the reception begins and the queue does not move due to people taking time to pile maximum amount of food onto their plates, you shudder and wonder whether attending AGMs is one of the highlights in a retiree's life. Is the animation in such trivality a mark of aging? It is scary and depressing.
You quit the queue and the buffet, get into a shopping mall and drop in at Forever 21 to feel more alive again. That is ageism even whilst you are both the subject and the object.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Meditation Retreat
Went for a one day meditation retreat at a temple recently. The program started around 8 am in the morning. It included 2 meditation practices in the morning (lasting about half an hour each) with a break in between in the form of walking meditation. A simple vegetarian lunch was provided and we were encouraged to rest or find a corner in the large hall to nap after lunch. More meditation sessions followed in the afternoon and a volunteer helped us with yoga stretching. The retreat then ended with a venerable sharing some Buddhist teachings and a feedback session.
We sit cross legged in a lotus or half lotus position on a mat and cushion when we meditate. When I signed up for the retreat I was rather worried whether I could sit in such a position for most of the day. My usual Buddhist class includes meditation practice of 20 mins and I normally get pins and needles towards the end. Will it be unbearable to do that several times throughout the day and for a longer duration too? Our teacher told us before hand to be aware of whatever we think or however our body feels without resistance. Hence we try to be a mirror reflecting the thoughts and feelings. Though we are to concentrate on our breathing, thoughts will inevitably arise and surface in our mind. We then have to notice these thoughts and refocus on our breathing. Likewise with the numbness and pain.
Towards the end of the second meditation practice in the morning, my legs grew numb and I felt the painful stretch of my thighs. My instant response was to shift my legs slightly which sent shots of pin pricking them. I was tempted to change me leg position further but decided to adhere to the teacher's advice. So like a mirror casting an image on myself, I told myself there was pain in "the" legs. They even trembled a little. I refocused on my breath and eventually the discomfort passed or perhaps I was no longer disturbed by it. It doesn't mean that the pain did not recur but each time it arose I used my "mirror" technique and it passed. The deep and slow breathing also helped to quieten the urge to react. This process works with mental agony as well.
Nowadays I try to squeeze in 25 minutes of meditation daily. I find it helps me to be more collected even on days when I feel distressed. In the words of T S Elliot it " Teach us to care and not to care".
We sit cross legged in a lotus or half lotus position on a mat and cushion when we meditate. When I signed up for the retreat I was rather worried whether I could sit in such a position for most of the day. My usual Buddhist class includes meditation practice of 20 mins and I normally get pins and needles towards the end. Will it be unbearable to do that several times throughout the day and for a longer duration too? Our teacher told us before hand to be aware of whatever we think or however our body feels without resistance. Hence we try to be a mirror reflecting the thoughts and feelings. Though we are to concentrate on our breathing, thoughts will inevitably arise and surface in our mind. We then have to notice these thoughts and refocus on our breathing. Likewise with the numbness and pain.
Towards the end of the second meditation practice in the morning, my legs grew numb and I felt the painful stretch of my thighs. My instant response was to shift my legs slightly which sent shots of pin pricking them. I was tempted to change me leg position further but decided to adhere to the teacher's advice. So like a mirror casting an image on myself, I told myself there was pain in "the" legs. They even trembled a little. I refocused on my breath and eventually the discomfort passed or perhaps I was no longer disturbed by it. It doesn't mean that the pain did not recur but each time it arose I used my "mirror" technique and it passed. The deep and slow breathing also helped to quieten the urge to react. This process works with mental agony as well.
Nowadays I try to squeeze in 25 minutes of meditation daily. I find it helps me to be more collected even on days when I feel distressed. In the words of T S Elliot it " Teach us to care and not to care".
Sunday, July 15, 2012
A Happening Place (but what is happening?)
Met this elderly Singaporean couple during my China trip who owns a few boutiques in Singapore one of which is located around Haji Lane/Arab Street area. She said I must go and recce this part of town to see for myself the changes. "It is a Happening Place," she remarked with hip boutiques, home furnishings, curios and cafes. It has apparently earned a name among the tourists as one of the places to see in Singapore.
Now if you drive into Sentosa and marvel at all the development taking place there (not the least Sentosa Cove and One Degree Club) and then drive home from Sentosa taking the ECP whilst feasting at the sight of Marina Bay Sand, Singapore Flyer, Garden at the Bay (not mentioning the Pinnacle at Duxton, the Sail etc) you certainly will feel you don't know your country well enough. Indeed you need the youngsters to enlighten you or bring you to see what's happening at Dempsey Hill, Robertson Quay, Mohd Sultan and more. Yes Singapore is full of "Happening" places.
Today in the Sunday Times there is an article written by Sharon Loh whom I think used to be a ST journalist now residing in the US. In the article she described how during her home visit she could not recognise Clementi and Holland V and noticed the changes even in HDB neighbourhood like Queenstown and Ghim Moh. She also described how sometimes driving through a familiar place "her memory will catch her offguard" and expressed how "That yearning for the places of my youth will always stay with me". Let me tell you if a relatively young person (braced for changes) like her feels that way how much intense that feeling is in a person of my age. That may account for my constant yearning to revisit KL over and over again just to walk the street where my flat remains in shabbiness even after half a century.
Yesterday in the ST there was an article which tried to analyse why Singaporeans are increasingly short tempered and seem to see red quite easily. The writer ascribed it to the jostle for living space, for foothold in train, for a place in university, for a seat in the food court etc. He observed that Singaporeans seem to be angrier and he asked "What is happening?" May I offer another probable reason. Perhaps there is in us a subconscious feeling of standing on shifting sand; and the helpless inability to recognise or hold on to your country of birth. Such loss and sadness when not resolved may also turn to anger. This may not be unusual with city living but in cities of countries with large hinterland the pain is lessened by that mountain, that river or that forest that stand there forever. For us there is only that hill that is fast turning into another hot spot for alfresco dining where lighted cabins hanging on cables swayed in and out like huge fire flies in the night.
Fortunately for me, there is an exit after a short stretch of the ECP that leads to the KPE. Once you enter it you drive inside a long tunnel. I live somewhere near the end of the tunnel which is called the Tampines exit. A 5 minutes drive from this exit lands me home at Hougang, the opposition ward where upgrading is painfully slow. Although some condos are also sprouting, the wet market is still there together with a row of shophouse still standing more than half a century. I used to lament having to move into this "kampong" area as my husband was a kampong boy. Only now I begin to appreciate this area as one of the last unchanging faces in the skillful act of 变脸 (bian lian) that is happening in our country.
Now if you drive into Sentosa and marvel at all the development taking place there (not the least Sentosa Cove and One Degree Club) and then drive home from Sentosa taking the ECP whilst feasting at the sight of Marina Bay Sand, Singapore Flyer, Garden at the Bay (not mentioning the Pinnacle at Duxton, the Sail etc) you certainly will feel you don't know your country well enough. Indeed you need the youngsters to enlighten you or bring you to see what's happening at Dempsey Hill, Robertson Quay, Mohd Sultan and more. Yes Singapore is full of "Happening" places.
Today in the Sunday Times there is an article written by Sharon Loh whom I think used to be a ST journalist now residing in the US. In the article she described how during her home visit she could not recognise Clementi and Holland V and noticed the changes even in HDB neighbourhood like Queenstown and Ghim Moh. She also described how sometimes driving through a familiar place "her memory will catch her offguard" and expressed how "That yearning for the places of my youth will always stay with me". Let me tell you if a relatively young person (braced for changes) like her feels that way how much intense that feeling is in a person of my age. That may account for my constant yearning to revisit KL over and over again just to walk the street where my flat remains in shabbiness even after half a century.
Yesterday in the ST there was an article which tried to analyse why Singaporeans are increasingly short tempered and seem to see red quite easily. The writer ascribed it to the jostle for living space, for foothold in train, for a place in university, for a seat in the food court etc. He observed that Singaporeans seem to be angrier and he asked "What is happening?" May I offer another probable reason. Perhaps there is in us a subconscious feeling of standing on shifting sand; and the helpless inability to recognise or hold on to your country of birth. Such loss and sadness when not resolved may also turn to anger. This may not be unusual with city living but in cities of countries with large hinterland the pain is lessened by that mountain, that river or that forest that stand there forever. For us there is only that hill that is fast turning into another hot spot for alfresco dining where lighted cabins hanging on cables swayed in and out like huge fire flies in the night.
Fortunately for me, there is an exit after a short stretch of the ECP that leads to the KPE. Once you enter it you drive inside a long tunnel. I live somewhere near the end of the tunnel which is called the Tampines exit. A 5 minutes drive from this exit lands me home at Hougang, the opposition ward where upgrading is painfully slow. Although some condos are also sprouting, the wet market is still there together with a row of shophouse still standing more than half a century. I used to lament having to move into this "kampong" area as my husband was a kampong boy. Only now I begin to appreciate this area as one of the last unchanging faces in the skillful act of 变脸 (bian lian) that is happening in our country.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
放弃 vs 放下.
In class yesterday there was much discussion about letting go. When one lets go one is free from attachment to feelings and perception opening up one's mind to more wisdom and clarity. So 2 examples were quoted. One example is the expectation when bringing up a child. How often disappointment and unhappiness set in when the child falls short of such expectation. Another example quoted was when one is denied an expected promotion at work after having put in a lot of effort and commitment. We were told that hanging on to the disappointment just generate misery for ourselves.
I offered a comment. I told the teacher we have to draw a line. There are situations when we can't just let go. We need sometimes to put things on the right track or remedy an unfavourable situation.
The teacher replied that letting go does not mean throwing up your hands readily or giving up easily. She set us laughing when she mimicked a laid back person always citing "siu yuan 随缘 随缘" (let things take their own course). That is not what it means. She explained that if we are able to view ourselves including our thoughts and emotions in a reflective manner, we can gain more clarity and derive more wisdom in dealing with the situation. "What if wisdom is not forthcoming?" I asked half jokingly. The teacher explained that having done what we deemed best to rectify and the results are still not what we hope for, we will have to accept that the conditions are not ripe yet. Thus like the futility of banging your head against the wall, ruminating over the same thoughts or trapped in the same emotions, it is wise to Let Go.
After class one of my classmates thought what the teacher meant was the difference between 放弃 and 放下.
I offered a comment. I told the teacher we have to draw a line. There are situations when we can't just let go. We need sometimes to put things on the right track or remedy an unfavourable situation.
The teacher replied that letting go does not mean throwing up your hands readily or giving up easily. She set us laughing when she mimicked a laid back person always citing "siu yuan 随缘 随缘" (let things take their own course). That is not what it means. She explained that if we are able to view ourselves including our thoughts and emotions in a reflective manner, we can gain more clarity and derive more wisdom in dealing with the situation. "What if wisdom is not forthcoming?" I asked half jokingly. The teacher explained that having done what we deemed best to rectify and the results are still not what we hope for, we will have to accept that the conditions are not ripe yet. Thus like the futility of banging your head against the wall, ruminating over the same thoughts or trapped in the same emotions, it is wise to Let Go.
After class one of my classmates thought what the teacher meant was the difference between 放弃 and 放下.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
When no one is watching
"We want to put things right. But we know it's not enough just to apologise. We have to try to make sure that things like that don't happen again.
In part that comes down to culture.
It's a very personal thing, but throughout my career - from my time as a teacher, to my time as a banker - I have seen just how important culture is to successful organisations.
Culture is difficult to define, I think it's even more difficult to mandate - but for me the evidence of culture is how people behave when no-one is watching.
Our culture must be one where the interests of customers and clients are at the very heart of every decision we make; where we all act with trust and integrity."
(The above is an extract from a business lecture by Bob Diamond, the president of Barclays Bank in Nov 2011 making references to the aftermath of the 2008 Financial Crisis).
How pathetic the above speech is in the light of recent news about Barclays Bank being fined GBP 453m for manipulating the LIBOR (interbank borrowing rate). U.S. and British officials are considering criminal charges against individuals and British investigators are probing other major banks including Citigroup,UBS, HSBC and Royal Bank of Scotland. Investigations have revealed exchanges of emails amongst dealers promising each other treats and rewards when the interest rate fixing is assisted and one email from a more ethical dealer informing the big boys it is done though much against his will.
I underscore the particular phrase in the above speech that really disturbs me, "evidence of culture is how people behave when no one is watching". Gosh he is like a thief preaching about trust. Look what they have done precisely when no one is watching. Strangely enough the local Singapore scene also has episodes of corruption and fraud lately. Looks like news topics have trends too. Mind you these unethical stuff being discovered or made known is probably just the tip of an iceberg.
Perhaps true integrity is the way one behaves with no one watching except one's own Self watching.
Shakespeare wrote:
"To thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man"
Unfortunately, very often this own Self is either absent , denied, missing or forced to hide.
In part that comes down to culture.
It's a very personal thing, but throughout my career - from my time as a teacher, to my time as a banker - I have seen just how important culture is to successful organisations.
Culture is difficult to define, I think it's even more difficult to mandate - but for me the evidence of culture is how people behave when no-one is watching.
Our culture must be one where the interests of customers and clients are at the very heart of every decision we make; where we all act with trust and integrity."
(The above is an extract from a business lecture by Bob Diamond, the president of Barclays Bank in Nov 2011 making references to the aftermath of the 2008 Financial Crisis).
How pathetic the above speech is in the light of recent news about Barclays Bank being fined GBP 453m for manipulating the LIBOR (interbank borrowing rate). U.S. and British officials are considering criminal charges against individuals and British investigators are probing other major banks including Citigroup,UBS, HSBC and Royal Bank of Scotland. Investigations have revealed exchanges of emails amongst dealers promising each other treats and rewards when the interest rate fixing is assisted and one email from a more ethical dealer informing the big boys it is done though much against his will.
I underscore the particular phrase in the above speech that really disturbs me, "evidence of culture is how people behave when no one is watching". Gosh he is like a thief preaching about trust. Look what they have done precisely when no one is watching. Strangely enough the local Singapore scene also has episodes of corruption and fraud lately. Looks like news topics have trends too. Mind you these unethical stuff being discovered or made known is probably just the tip of an iceberg.
Perhaps true integrity is the way one behaves with no one watching except one's own Self watching.
Shakespeare wrote:
"To thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man"
Unfortunately, very often this own Self is either absent , denied, missing or forced to hide.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Mango Ego
Just forked out another $900 to attend Level 3 of Sandplay Therapy and Symbol Work. Got to pay another $900+ this December to go through Level 4 before obtaining a certificate from the Expressive Therapies Institute of Australia. To complete this course we, the Singaporean participants may have to travel to KL as the lecturer may not conduct Level 4 in Singapore if there are insufficient participants here. This institute conducts courses only in KL, Singapore and HK. In the class which I just attended there were only 11 participants out of which 3 are caucasians (counsellors from International schools here) and one participant from Bangkok. Incidentally the registration for Level 4 in KL (without including us) stands at 26 already! It seems that this course is not very popular with Singaporeans and the lecturer jokingly ascribes it to Singaporean's adversion to the word "Play" in the name of the course.
After going through 3 days of theories as well as practice on each other, many of us concluded that if not for anything just gaining insight into our inner psyche and the inner work/healing is well worth the $900. Treat it as money paid to a therapist and is most well spent. The most awesome experience for me was learning how with the help of symbols to understand our dream so much of my shadow is revealed. Integration between the unconscious and conscious is also brought about to some extent. To give a glimpse into what actually happened, we were asked to remember a dream or a scene of it and then select symbols (figures and miniatures) to recreate it in the sandtray. We then use active imagination to see how the dream will progress. We were also asked to imagine and assume being the symbols and role played with them (ie. let the symbols talk and express feelings). In my dream I was fighting with several people under my employ over some mangoes. I was terribly upset and furious that none of them could even spare me a single mango though they have several. I berated them for being ungrateful and fired all of them. Then I felt guilty (for firing them over a mango), upset and frustrated and in my dream I ended with a hollow laugh and remarked to myself "Mango Ego". In class, my partner and I laughed over such a frivolous dream and I doubted anything serious could arise from the exercise. Low and behold when I entered into the mango (can you believe being a MANGO!), loads of feelings and thoughts flowed. The mango craved for being popular, craved for love and enjoyed being fought over for. To cut the story short, resolution comes in the form of realising such craving is not really necessary.
Well this is just one exercise. Another very revealing insight is gathered when in another exercise we had to pick a symbol each representing the persona, the shadow as well as the 'thinking', 'feeling', 'sensation' and 'intuitive' aspects of ourselves arranging them in the sandtray.
I truly enjoyed this course. Speaking to one foreigner who is the school counsellor in an international school in Singapore, she described how she used sandplay therapy intensively in her school and finds it so powerful. My own experience using it in school has also been heartening but there is too much restrictions in our school environment (like time and space constraint, focus on prompt behavioural change etc). I feel hampered. Maybe after I have obtained a full certificate I can seek out other places where people appreciate emotional and inner healing as the first step towards regenerating positive energies and "restoring the psyche to its natural functioning".
After going through 3 days of theories as well as practice on each other, many of us concluded that if not for anything just gaining insight into our inner psyche and the inner work/healing is well worth the $900. Treat it as money paid to a therapist and is most well spent. The most awesome experience for me was learning how with the help of symbols to understand our dream so much of my shadow is revealed. Integration between the unconscious and conscious is also brought about to some extent. To give a glimpse into what actually happened, we were asked to remember a dream or a scene of it and then select symbols (figures and miniatures) to recreate it in the sandtray. We then use active imagination to see how the dream will progress. We were also asked to imagine and assume being the symbols and role played with them (ie. let the symbols talk and express feelings). In my dream I was fighting with several people under my employ over some mangoes. I was terribly upset and furious that none of them could even spare me a single mango though they have several. I berated them for being ungrateful and fired all of them. Then I felt guilty (for firing them over a mango), upset and frustrated and in my dream I ended with a hollow laugh and remarked to myself "Mango Ego". In class, my partner and I laughed over such a frivolous dream and I doubted anything serious could arise from the exercise. Low and behold when I entered into the mango (can you believe being a MANGO!), loads of feelings and thoughts flowed. The mango craved for being popular, craved for love and enjoyed being fought over for. To cut the story short, resolution comes in the form of realising such craving is not really necessary.
Well this is just one exercise. Another very revealing insight is gathered when in another exercise we had to pick a symbol each representing the persona, the shadow as well as the 'thinking', 'feeling', 'sensation' and 'intuitive' aspects of ourselves arranging them in the sandtray.
I truly enjoyed this course. Speaking to one foreigner who is the school counsellor in an international school in Singapore, she described how she used sandplay therapy intensively in her school and finds it so powerful. My own experience using it in school has also been heartening but there is too much restrictions in our school environment (like time and space constraint, focus on prompt behavioural change etc). I feel hampered. Maybe after I have obtained a full certificate I can seek out other places where people appreciate emotional and inner healing as the first step towards regenerating positive energies and "restoring the psyche to its natural functioning".
Friday, June 15, 2012
风水轮流转
A few things left deep impression. The most spectacular for me was when the cruise ship sailed through the ship locks at the dam (the biggest dam and power station in the world). A ship lock allows a vessel to be raised or lowered when travelling through a change in river level across an obstacle (which is the dam in this case). It is like climbing steps to reach the top or to reach the bottom depending on whether you are sailing upstream or downstream. Each step is fringed by giant steel gates which when locked allows water either to be pumped in or drained out to raise or lower the water level. The ship had to pass through 5 locks like climbing 5 steps. The passengers were informed in advance of the time when the ship will pass through the locks. So we watched from the ship deck as the ship moved into a lock, the huge steel gates closed behind it and then felt the ship being raised as water was pumped in. What an engineering feat!
Another awesome experience was watching a musical at the open air theatre at Jiangjiejia. The open air theatre is at a valley and has the mountains as its backdrop. Limestone cliffs with hanging huts serve as props for a village. The story line is simple, a folklore about a vixen and a woodcutter; but the choreography, the visual effects, the lighting, the use of high tech props together with a cast of 500 people rendered it the most spectacular show I have ever seen. At times looking up at the dark sky studded with stars one could not tell whether they were supposed to be part of the props. At the climax of the show a 60-meter bridge forms across the sky at a height of 40-m which provides a dramatic setting for the lovers to meet. Some reviews I read rate this show above Zhang Yimou's Lijiang show.
At Chongqing the last stop where we took our flight home, I couldn't help but thought about the vast difference between what is happenings in China versus that in Europe which I visited last December. Where construction and modernisation is taking place in China, Europe (or at least Italy and UK where I was) seem to be sliding downhill judging from the infrastructure and construction activity as well as the retail scene. The van drove us to Chongqing airport and we were stumped when we saw how large Chongqing's Domestic Airport is. We were surprised when the van drove past the modern Domestic Airport and dropped us at a small oldish terminal which is Chongqing's International Airport. Yes China is like a continent with many countries and it can spin its own economy from its own domestic demand whilst Europe a continent of many countries struggles to bail each other. 风水轮流转 feng shui lun liu zhuang. It happens to countries too.
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