A Confluence of Factors

When you watch a bunch of sticks burning have you wondered who the fire's parents are? The sticks and the matches probably because they created the fire. How about the wind that flamed the fire or the person who started the fire? If the fire spread to nearby vegetation causing a forest fire who bears the blame? How about the arid condition of the forest itself?

Watching the video clip of the tragic ferry disaster in South Korea is quite heart wrenching, especially how the students could have been saved had the situation been managed differently. Another needless tragedy was the suicide of the vice principal of the school who felt responsible for the death of the high school students for he had pushed for the field trip to Jeju and was saved from the ferry. Upon further reflection various factors have been discussed, one being the Korean culture of respect for elders and authority. It has been wondered had the students been a bunch of American kids would they have ignored the instruction to stay in their cabins. I think it is not just about obedience but of respecting that the authorities would know what is best for the good of everyone, in this case an orderly evacuation. The video clip showing the captain climbing out onto a rescue boat before his crew and other passengers has drawn public anger but also explanatory comments that it is common for Koreans to let their elders and higher ranked colleagues priority when evacuating in a dangerous situation. In the light of comments about how the Korean culture has partly to be blamed for the disaster, parents who lost their children may even blame themselves for instilling strict unflinching obedience in their children.

Alas this blaming game will certainly bring about immense pain and guilt. If the vice principal could see that his approval/pushing for the trip was just one condition out of many many factors that contributed to the disaster he might feel less afflicted. Like the metaphor of the fire that I described above, he alone could not have brought about the disaster, so many conditions happened together gave rise to it like in a confluence of rare factors that causes a perfect storm.

In fact even in our everyday life we are so inclined to blaming and often suffer from being blamed. The most toxic habit is of course blaming oneself endlessly. I think we will have more peace if we remember that in any one event so many factors often beyond one's control or even in one's knowledge are at play.

Even if we are the match that strikes and builds the fire, we certainly have no intention nor power to singularly cause a forest fire.

不要想太多

Have you ever been troubled and people advise you 不要想太多(don't think too much). Tall order isn't it. Surely if you can you wouldn't be troubled in the first place. Such advice is as useless and unhelpful as telling a bereaved person not to feel sad. Especially for a person prone to worries the tendency to ruminate could have become a habit over the years.

What can be more helpful is either teaching the sufferer techniques on how not to ruminate or better still explain the logic behind the 不要想太多advice.

So under the first method you share with the person ways to literally block the ruminations, like being engaged with some activity that requires total absorption eg. gardening, reading, exercise, chanting, meditation or whatever hobbies a person is passionate about. Being immersed in such activities hijacks the person's bewildered mind and provides relief and a feel good effect. It may then dawn on the person that problems can co-exist side by side with states of well-being in life.

A more steadfast solution could be to cultivate the habit of being aware of one's thoughts and emotions, although this needs hardwork and commitment. Observing one's thoughts and emotions first recognises that they exist before being lost in them. Like a bystander watching the relentless flow of thoughts rising and receding, one notices how the thoughts affect the emotions and vice versa in a witch dance. The conditions giving rise to them like certain self beliefs and social / cultural conditioning then become evident. One then understands why thoughts can creep up without  effort and how they can likewise just fade away if one does not attend to them. It also dawns on one that the world created inside one's head is unreal and changes with different thoughts and emotions. If one does not think 'that' way, 'that' world does not exist. Given how thin and tenuous the world created by thoughts is, one should therefore Not Think too Much 不要想太多.

The Lazy Investor

I am an awfully lazy investor. Every year around this time  I will stack up all the hard copies of new company annual reports received through the post. I then remove the pile of untouched old AR from the cabinet and replaced it with the new stack. This has been repeated year after year. I suppose I go through this meaningless routine each year believing I will find some time to know a bit more about the companies I have invested in, or rather find the interest to do so. (Maybe you can call it professional fatigue but I don't enjoy reading financial statements now).

I usually attend the Annual General Meetings of the smaller companies which are not covered by analysts as well as companies which I contemplate gaining or reducing exposure. At these AGMs when people ask the management very detailed questions often beginning with "Can I refer you to page XX of the AR" I will inevitably  tell myself I need to be more diligent and more informed on what I am investing in. Lazy investors like me who hope to be enlightened at AGMs can only pray for more questions being raised and a good buffet spread as an icing.

In particular I will be most delighted when youngish investors ask very in-depth questions. I have a feeling some of them are full time investors. At times I see the same faces of these 'serious investors' at different AGMs. Spotting them gives me a little comfort that I share the same investment they have decided on after doing their detailed homework. It is a bit like a lazy student copying the work of a diligent one, although Warren Buffet's golden rule is never invest in anything you don't know well.

Attending these AGMs sometimes makes me nostalgic too, especially when questions are raised about the company's financing plans. The standard and familiar answers are similar to responses I used to rehearse and prepare when participating in my ex-company's road shows. In addition spotting familiar faces in the panel of board directors sitting on the stage brings back memories of days when they were in my company's board; and how I struggled to answer their grilling queries on papers put up for approval. Then there are the supporting staff running around to facilitate the AGMs, probably staff from Corp Com or PR departments. They remind me of the extensive preparation for corporate events and it makes me feel like I have missed out on something after I have stopped working. Joining the long queue at the reception after the AGM can make one feel even more deprived lol.

Nevertheless in everything there is the pros and cons. With the knowledge that the company will be distributing consistent dividend I will feel recharged and top the outing with a shopping spree, diligently spending the returns as a lazy investor.

Worldly Winds

Read the shocking revelation about Narendra Modi, the Prime Minister contender in India, . It was when he declared himself as married  whilst filing his candidate papers that the public realised he has a wife. After the arranged marriage, he apparently convinced her to return to her parents' home to pursue her studies and then deserted her for 45 years ie. no contact. She, a retired teacher, is now a subject of media frenzy, used both as a pawn by Modi's rivals to tarnish him and at the same time by his supporters to boost his image for having an ideal Indian wife who is described as "obedient, dutiful, submissive and self-sacrificing". Apparently she is a very simple woman who fasts and prays for his welfare, owns only 5 saris, never demands anything and "accepts what comes her way".

To me this is a classic case of Fame and Shame, for both husband and wife,  depending on how people view it. Here lies the catch, the views are held by others, it is beyond one's control. Poor woman, I wonder how she is managing the unwanted limelight. I am sure she is not very well received by the young educated Indian women who have been protesting against gender inequality and disrespect since the Delhi rape incident. Will her husband end up blaming her if the situation dampens his chances?

Indeed Fame and Shame are just 2 of the 8 Worldly Winds that torment us. The other 6, usually mentioned in pairs include Praise & Blame, Gain & Loss, Pleasure & Pain. To abide by Buddhist teachings one should try not to be too affected by these winds which blow afflictions. Indeed a glance through the daily newspapers provide sufficient evidence,albeit of more severe examples. Today's news includes a senior banker who is accused of taking upskirt videos ( a case of lust for momentary pleasure, probably to distract some internal pain) and a divorced woman who is denied a monthly maintenance because she was already awarded close to $4m out of her husbands $10m assets (gain vs loss).Closer to everyday life, don't we all desire for praise/validation and are stabbed by blame at work and at home?

The 8 Worldly Winds blows all of us by varying speeds. Very often it comes and goes beyond our control. All we can do is be firm and avoid being uprooted in our mind.
It's a mind game.

A blessed day

Sometines luck comes in small ways. Due to a flight cancellation by Tigers Airway, we had to shorten our trip at Lombok, Indonesia to a 2-night stay. I was quite pissed to fly more than 2 hours for such a short trip. So we planned to do everything on the only full day we have which was a Saturday . After a super early breakfast we took  a walk to another beach. The rain overnight had cooled the otherwise intensely hot and humid weather (worse than Singapore) and a rainbow overhead promised a good start. The unspoilt southern tip of Lombok is really quite remote and looks very much like Trengganu 20 years ago. Cows are seen grazing everywhere and there is hardly any traffic. Back at the hotel by 10am the cloudy sky was superb for canoeing. It is always a battle when comes to canoeing with my husband on a double seater. He always insists to venture far out into the open sea but hello the high waves at these beaches are best for surfing! Nevertheless whilst watching out for the incoming waves we  spotted a one meter sea creature jumping up and disappearing into the sea. In a flash, the gray creature with white underside looked like a dolpin with a long rope attached to its tail. What a bonus! On further thought it was more likely a sting ray with a long tail and not a rope. Hmmm... sighting a rainbow and a jumping sting ray in one morning gladdens the heart.

In the early afternoon with ginger oil and pulp spread all over my whole body and my husband's quiet hissing snore from the nearby massage bed, I drifted into a trance. I wonder why I never get this effect with masseuse in Singapore, but very often these Indonesian or Thai masseuse, especially the matronly ones with their warm thick palms, make me feel so comfortable and at ease that I never fail to associate those healing touches with basic motherly love and care. "Yes a perfect mother is one who comforts and soothes away your troubles, that's all there is to it".

Some reviewer in Tripadvisor has strongly recommended a trip to Tanjung Aan (TA) which is near to Novotel where we stayed. We almost missed it because one hotel staff misinformed us that it was just a 20 minute walk away and we thought we could leave it to Sunday morning before the return flight home. Luck was on our side and we found out quite accidentally that the hotel does organise a trek to TA every Saturday afternoon. So we and another couple found ourselves in a small van bumping its way over unpaved and steep country roads to TA which took 25 minutes. A magnificent panoramic scene awaits us at the top of the hillock looking down at a heart shaped bay, cows grazing on soft hills and foaming white waves in the distant sea, all stunningly beautiful amidst  the golden glow of the setting sun. Yet another blessing on a perfect day.

Culture, Colour and Chaos

Today's Sunday Times carries an article about Geylang, regarded by Spore police as potentially more dangerous than Little India, a hotspot for hooligans, hookers, gangsters and crooks. On the other end of the spectrum an expat couple living in a lorong 24A shop house, a lane next to the epicentre of prostitution, describes the area as one of culture, colour and chaos. I know where they are coming from because I have been attending Buddhist classes in this area for the last 2 years. Ironically Geylang is also a place with many temples, Buddhist institutions, clan associations, a mosque and lots of good eateries as well, and yes the Buddhist Library is at lorong 24A where the expat couple stays.

So if I take a bus from my home that deposits me at Lorong 18, I walk upwards towards lorong 24A where the library is located. At early evening around 7 pm the place is beginning to get crowded with Chinese and Indian workers going home to their crowded rooms or flats in old dilapidated shophouses and apartments. I have to avoid body contact jostling amongst the workers in the narrow corridors of the shop houses selling food, groceries, clothing, footwear, necessities and provisions that cater to their needs, I would imagine it a bit risky for a younger female to walk this stretch not to be "accidentally" taken advantage off. Some brave pedlars have started laying out smuggled cigarettes; and probably drugs will come into the scene later. I can also imagine some workers who are gobbling down a quick dinner hastening to some illegal gambling joints when night falls.

As I approach Lorong 24, even when the sky has not sufficiently darkened, females mostly in high heels and revealing or suggestive outfits have lined the road intermittently. However what startles me is when I notice some older women who are brightly though not indecently dressed and who look every inch like an ordinary Singapore aunty offering their services to male passers by as well. I was really shocked when I heard one neat and homely looking middle aged woman doing that. Often times I walk pass them quickly trying not to look into their eyes, lest their eyes dare me to disdain or sympathise with them or lest their eyes smirk at my 'better' life.

Admist the loud China-slanged hubbub and clueless Indian din, I descend on the Library, a beautifully restored shop house. Once inside the quietness becomes more pronounced. I take off my shoes and keep them amongst others neatly arranged in the hidden cabinet. Through the glass door to the partially lighted prayer room one can see the metre tall Buddha seated in the centre and a nearby oil lamp giving out an orange glow, a place of refuge. Another glass door leads to the actual library which shelved rows and rows of books. One can sit quietly in the rather deserted library to quiet down, reflect and contemplate. Occasionally, conversations of passers by outside can still be heard even in the air cond room; but they seem distant though not unloud whilst I find myself drifting into a silent prayer, " May their sufferings be lessened".

To the culture, colour and chaos I think Geylang also awakens our Compassion.

The Importance of Being Busy

Once when finding it hard to find a time slot for my next facial appointment due to my so called busy schedule, my therapist commented 你是大忙人 .  I beamed a tinge of satisfaction, a modern evidence of achievement perhaps.

Yesterday's ST carried an article about how leading a frenetic life has become a status symbol. As the writer puts it "busyness has become not just a way of life but a badge of honour" and increasingly "an exhausting everydayathon". Being busy implies importance and together with hectic multi-tasking connote a full life.

Now I reflect upon the real motives behind my own engagements. Since I do a bit of everything and  if people do ask me what I am busy with (after my retirement); and if I am all out to impress I can reply tongue in cheek in one of the following ways depending on who I am responding to:

• To impress someone who focuses on making money, I can say I spend much of my time trying to invest wisely
• To someone who is altruistic or believes himself to be, I can say I spend much time doing charity/volunteer work
• To someone who believes that life is an adventure, I can say I often travel
• and if one day I can be fortunate enough, I would want to say I spend a lot of time looking after my grandchildren to someone who believes life is all about family

The litmus test is what I would be busy with if there is no need to appear important to anyone.

After a bit of pondering I think I would still be doing a bit of all the above including the last if I have that fortune. Meanwhile I would include one more activity which is to keep dreaming or thinking of writing a book which will never be published, a book which will perish with me. Furthermore if I can silence the 4 types of people mentioned above, who incidentally live within me and are my biggest critique, I will likely spend a lot of my time just doing that. The biggest fan of such a project will be dreamers or what the world would describe as idlers.

One day the Idler in me will gain stature and I will want to appear important before her more than anyone else.