For my story telling sessions at the library I rely heavily on Western fairy tales. I find that fairy tales have a grip on the children and can hold their attention longer. Are fairy tales all that airy fairy as they seem? I remember when we were in school my elder sister who is Chinese educated condemned Western fairy tales as superficial and vain as compared to Chinese myths and legends. She opined that Chinese legends are steeped in moral teachings whilst western fairy tales always spin around prince and princesses and often end with them living happily ever after.
Contrary to being airy fairy, I have recently learnt that western fairy tales consist not only of moral teachings on a superficial level but also have complex metaphors which symbolize the common internal struggles in the journey of life. Whilst the fairy tale appears fanciful and unrealistic it is often true metaphorically.
Fairy tales can be very dark reflecting the aggressive and dark side in us. Children can relate to fairy tales because they are actually pyschologically fearful of their own aggressiveness and the dark side of their personalities. So when a princess or a maiden has to kiss a frog or an ugly beast to restore it to its original self, the story is telling us that we have to embrace and acknowledge the "ugliness" or shadow in us to become whole. The shadow is that part of us that we want to hide from others. Likewise the marriage between the royal household and peasantry symbolizes the unity of opposites.
Going on a long journey or travelling to a faraway land, a common theme in fairy tales, is really about life's journey. Many fairy tales also feature a descent into a well, a dark cave or a long narrow staircase. This is a symbol of going deep into our unconscious or deeper psyche to discover the truth. It may also symbolize a regression in our psyche like a depression or other neurotic afflictions. Often animals provide assistance to the traveller which is a metaphor of the need to connect with our primordial instincts and creativity or to listen to the wisdom of nature. An evil witch on the other hand may represent the negative mother complex whilst a fairy godmother that of a positive mother complex. An abandoned child or orphan in a fairy tale can very well relate to the feeling of abandonment or loss in a man's life when the mother-child unity phase in him has been severed too abruptly in childhood or when his development of a separate entity from his mother has been too quick or prematured.
Stories about old childless couples longing for a child give hints about the lack of growth and generation in our psyche. So too are those stories about retired or discharged soldiers returning home with nothing to live on. These tales could well represent people who have fought the wars in their life or retired from their career but find themselves lacking the psyche energy to live on. In almost all fairy tales the main character has to undergo several trials (usually 3 in number) before reunification or resolution takes place. Where resolution comes in the form of the overthrow of a king or death of an evil creature, it is a metaphor that renewal or change is required for growth and reconciliation.
Apparently you can find out quite a fair bit about yourself by paying attention to the fairy tale that engages you deeply. Pay attention to the affect ie. the emotions that it evokes in you as well as the turning points in the stories that pull you in. Incidentally, one of the courses that a Jungian psychoanalysts has to undergo is the interpretation of fairy tales! Amazing isn't it.
Well now when I prepare a fairy tale for my story telling sessions I can use some analysis for my own amusement. So whilst the children enjoy the fantasies and the magic I can tune in instinctively and metaphorically. Who knows maybe the children who have still not lost their primordial instincts can actually relate to them more intuitively than I can. No wonder they always draw nearer and nearer when the tale is told!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Knowing Yourself
If you really want to understand yourself better, try sitting down to recall, deeply ponder and answer comprehensively the following 5 questions suggested by the author of the book "Sacred Selfishness" (by Bud Harris):
1) Which emotions were you raised to think were good and bad?
2) Which behaviour, values and appearances were rewarded or discouraged?
3) What did you learn your self esteem depend on?
4) Did you learn the world was a supportive or hostile place?
5) Do you believe people are basically generous or out for themselves?
Take the first question. An example of what may be considered as a "bad" feeling in many families is anger. So kids brought up in such families may learn to hide/suppress their anger. In another extreme example a child caught laughing or being happy may be considered as selfish or unfilial by parents who think their children should share their misery in marital or financial woes. A child then grows up thinking the world is a sad place or it is safer to be or look moody.
About behaviour and values it is quite obvious that good education, hardwork, responsibility, accomplishment are valued in most Asian families. Risk taking may be frowned upon. Keeping up appearances even when things are not going right may also be important in some families. I am wondering whether these values which we imbued on the younger generation have a part to play on yesterday's report in the papers about Singaporeans facing extinction. Apparently we have the lowest fertility rate in the world. The drive to be successful and accomplished has sidelined the need to have a family as the later is viewed as an impediment to the former.
Attributes of self esteem (3rd question) is heavily influenced by the family and social systems too. So some people are moulded such that their self esteem depends on external sources like body image, academic performance, status/wealth or approval/admiration from others. In other systems self esteem may be based on certain values like being morally upright, being spiritual or having certain character traits.
The family system, school environment and community behaviour help shape one's beliefs and answers to the last 2 questions. An environment where a lot of bullying happens or where the weak and the less privileged are viewed and treated condescendingly, a child grows up believing the world is hostile and unforgiving. They may also believe themselves as inferior or undeserving if they belong to the less privileged group.
If you do spend some time carefully answering the 5 questions and then reflecting upon them you will be able to uncover some of the driving forces in your life and how you are wired up. With deeper contemplation you may also realise the shadows which you suppressed or deny about yourself. Using myself as an example, I recalled that being useful right from early childhood ie. helping out as much as possible in the family business would win some affection or praises in a large family when one could easily feel ignored. This "utilitarian" quality dominates my life to an extent that makes me feel guilty if I have too much of fun loving activities. Also, I am not shy to admit that my irritation and disapproval of certain weakness in certain people whom I strongly dislike actually boils down to my strife to hide and deny that very trait in myself.
Well, this is just one small aspect. You can discover loads more about yourself if you do not mind spending time to know yourself.
1) Which emotions were you raised to think were good and bad?
2) Which behaviour, values and appearances were rewarded or discouraged?
3) What did you learn your self esteem depend on?
4) Did you learn the world was a supportive or hostile place?
5) Do you believe people are basically generous or out for themselves?
Take the first question. An example of what may be considered as a "bad" feeling in many families is anger. So kids brought up in such families may learn to hide/suppress their anger. In another extreme example a child caught laughing or being happy may be considered as selfish or unfilial by parents who think their children should share their misery in marital or financial woes. A child then grows up thinking the world is a sad place or it is safer to be or look moody.
About behaviour and values it is quite obvious that good education, hardwork, responsibility, accomplishment are valued in most Asian families. Risk taking may be frowned upon. Keeping up appearances even when things are not going right may also be important in some families. I am wondering whether these values which we imbued on the younger generation have a part to play on yesterday's report in the papers about Singaporeans facing extinction. Apparently we have the lowest fertility rate in the world. The drive to be successful and accomplished has sidelined the need to have a family as the later is viewed as an impediment to the former.
Attributes of self esteem (3rd question) is heavily influenced by the family and social systems too. So some people are moulded such that their self esteem depends on external sources like body image, academic performance, status/wealth or approval/admiration from others. In other systems self esteem may be based on certain values like being morally upright, being spiritual or having certain character traits.
The family system, school environment and community behaviour help shape one's beliefs and answers to the last 2 questions. An environment where a lot of bullying happens or where the weak and the less privileged are viewed and treated condescendingly, a child grows up believing the world is hostile and unforgiving. They may also believe themselves as inferior or undeserving if they belong to the less privileged group.
If you do spend some time carefully answering the 5 questions and then reflecting upon them you will be able to uncover some of the driving forces in your life and how you are wired up. With deeper contemplation you may also realise the shadows which you suppressed or deny about yourself. Using myself as an example, I recalled that being useful right from early childhood ie. helping out as much as possible in the family business would win some affection or praises in a large family when one could easily feel ignored. This "utilitarian" quality dominates my life to an extent that makes me feel guilty if I have too much of fun loving activities. Also, I am not shy to admit that my irritation and disapproval of certain weakness in certain people whom I strongly dislike actually boils down to my strife to hide and deny that very trait in myself.
Well, this is just one small aspect. You can discover loads more about yourself if you do not mind spending time to know yourself.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The tale of the 3 trees
Came across a book which was so meaningful but could not be used for storytelling because of the religious sensitivity. In the story there were 3 trees. One aspired to be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world filled with precious stones and jewels . Another longed to be a large and sturdy ship that could help a powerful king build an empire. The third tree wanted to be the tallest tree on earth so that its height would remind people of heaven. Eventually the trees were felled but their ambitions took rather different routes.
The wood from the first tree was made into an ordinary trough to hold hay in a stable. Soon a shepherd and his heavily expectant wife came. The wooden trough served as a crib for their newborn child. The wood from the second tree was carved into a boat whereupon some fishermen were in when a storm struck. One of the men in the boat calmed the sea. The third tree was felled much to its dismay. Its wood however was made into 2 beams, one long and one short to form a cross. A man was nailed on this cross.
The story is very Christian indeed but has so much values embedded therein. If I were allowed to tell the story in a non religious context I would say the love and comfort provided for the newborn babe by the trough of hay brought more joy to the first tree than any precious stones would. I would then describe how the boat which carried the fishermen had a bountiful catch and provided food to the villagers instead of the sufferings a conqueror's ship would have brought. Hmm.... what about the cross? Well maybe one can say that during a crucifixion the cross suffered as much if not more pain as the person being crucified, in particular the cross that held a person by the name of Jesus. Because of its compassion it too was reaching out to heaven.
Most important of all however is knowing that each and every one of us has a meaning to be in the world, no matter how difficult or seemingly humble the role may be.
The wood from the first tree was made into an ordinary trough to hold hay in a stable. Soon a shepherd and his heavily expectant wife came. The wooden trough served as a crib for their newborn child. The wood from the second tree was carved into a boat whereupon some fishermen were in when a storm struck. One of the men in the boat calmed the sea. The third tree was felled much to its dismay. Its wood however was made into 2 beams, one long and one short to form a cross. A man was nailed on this cross.
The story is very Christian indeed but has so much values embedded therein. If I were allowed to tell the story in a non religious context I would say the love and comfort provided for the newborn babe by the trough of hay brought more joy to the first tree than any precious stones would. I would then describe how the boat which carried the fishermen had a bountiful catch and provided food to the villagers instead of the sufferings a conqueror's ship would have brought. Hmm.... what about the cross? Well maybe one can say that during a crucifixion the cross suffered as much if not more pain as the person being crucified, in particular the cross that held a person by the name of Jesus. Because of its compassion it too was reaching out to heaven.
Most important of all however is knowing that each and every one of us has a meaning to be in the world, no matter how difficult or seemingly humble the role may be.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The Disconnect
If you are overwhelmed and bored with parliamentary debates on housing, education, transport etc look up the speeches made by 2 NMPs Laurence Lien and Faizah Jamal. The latter is a lecturer in Environment education and focuses on heritage and environmental preservation and education whilst the former focuses on "social realities on the ground". Laurence Lien's speech on "social recession" in Singapore is quite a good read. Mind you coming from a super wealthy background (he is the grandson of Lien Yien Chow)it is quite surprising that he can appreciate real social problems. But then he is the CEO of the National Volunteer and Philantropy Association and the governor of the Lien Foundation.
Faizah Jamal spoke of her surprise of how "disconnected" our students are with nature beyond perhaps the once a lifetime nature study project in primary school. She believes that nature study is in itself a "value based educator". She described how children feel the sense of "awe" and "wonder" during the nature walks that she conducts. This she believes will help inculcate a sense of love for the country. I remembered my son once suggested that his little sense of belonging to the country may be because we do not have a land mass. I dismiss this as pure nonsense as many cities in the world do not have land masses as well and yet the citizens feel for their countries. He counter argued that most cities however have a hinterland of their own to retreat to.
One of Faizah Jamal's statements rings in my head which reads as follows:
"More importantly I am struck by the impact this disconnect (with nature) has on their relationships with other people and the world around them, and what is worse, their relationship with their own selves". She then goes on to share about her own experience of how nature offered comfort and supported her and her daughters when they were undergoing some life challenges some years ago.
Jamal's speech hits a chord with my own experience with a client at school. I have a sandtray and loads of symbols and figurines in my counselling room where I use sandplay therapy with some of the clients. A boy whose presenting issue is stress/anxiety from meeting parents' as well as his own expectations used coloured marbles to lay 2 walking paths. The yellow marbles led to an apple farm which he enacted by hanging some small plastic fruits on a little plastic tree. (This boy frequently visits his uncle in Australia who has apple trees in his garden). He used some green coloured marbles to lay another path in the sandtray. The puzzle however was that the path did not seem to lead anyway ie. hitting one side of the tray. I asked him where the green path led to. He said it was to the jungle. He could have easily enacted a jungle with other trees and leaves available but he did not. He said he loved the jungle because it was filled with wild lives. I then wondered out aloud where the jungle was. His reply was "It is sealed" "You can never go in".
I wonder whether his inner psychic is expressing his longing to connect with nature and how it is "sealed" for him. Is this the "Disconnect" Jamal was referring to? "Impacting their relationship with other people, the world around them and even their own selves"?
Faizah Jamal spoke of her surprise of how "disconnected" our students are with nature beyond perhaps the once a lifetime nature study project in primary school. She believes that nature study is in itself a "value based educator". She described how children feel the sense of "awe" and "wonder" during the nature walks that she conducts. This she believes will help inculcate a sense of love for the country. I remembered my son once suggested that his little sense of belonging to the country may be because we do not have a land mass. I dismiss this as pure nonsense as many cities in the world do not have land masses as well and yet the citizens feel for their countries. He counter argued that most cities however have a hinterland of their own to retreat to.
One of Faizah Jamal's statements rings in my head which reads as follows:
"More importantly I am struck by the impact this disconnect (with nature) has on their relationships with other people and the world around them, and what is worse, their relationship with their own selves". She then goes on to share about her own experience of how nature offered comfort and supported her and her daughters when they were undergoing some life challenges some years ago.
Jamal's speech hits a chord with my own experience with a client at school. I have a sandtray and loads of symbols and figurines in my counselling room where I use sandplay therapy with some of the clients. A boy whose presenting issue is stress/anxiety from meeting parents' as well as his own expectations used coloured marbles to lay 2 walking paths. The yellow marbles led to an apple farm which he enacted by hanging some small plastic fruits on a little plastic tree. (This boy frequently visits his uncle in Australia who has apple trees in his garden). He used some green coloured marbles to lay another path in the sandtray. The puzzle however was that the path did not seem to lead anyway ie. hitting one side of the tray. I asked him where the green path led to. He said it was to the jungle. He could have easily enacted a jungle with other trees and leaves available but he did not. He said he loved the jungle because it was filled with wild lives. I then wondered out aloud where the jungle was. His reply was "It is sealed" "You can never go in".
I wonder whether his inner psychic is expressing his longing to connect with nature and how it is "sealed" for him. Is this the "Disconnect" Jamal was referring to? "Impacting their relationship with other people, the world around them and even their own selves"?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Leap Year Resolutions
Today is 29th Feb in a leap year. I do think 29th Feb is a good day to make some resolutions. Annual resolutions often fail because one year is really too quick to make things work, isn't it. The same can not be said for a period of four solid years. If you have just given birth, how you bond with the baby before the next leap year will affect his sense of trust and security. If you have a teenager just entering secondary school you have to become his friend or you will lose him by the next leap year. If you are a freshman in college, you probably need to think about your place in the workforce in the next leap year. If you are just into a relationship, you my need to decide on some form of commitment by the next leap year. And if you are approaching 60 you literally have only a handful of leap years left to live out your dreams (hopefully). So I think making some resolutions on the special day of a leap year is practical and probably more effective.
Now for myself I hope (there I go again just "hoping")rather I will try to achieve the following ("try"...sigh):
1. Acquire more skills to work with children as I find this area very uplifting.
2. Learn and practise meditation to develop a sense of calm and quiet. The ultimate goal is to maintain equanimity in the midst of life’s inevitable turbulence.
3. To expose myself beyond the confines of our city state and its siloed structures. The best outcome would be to live part of each year in another country. This should help in broadening perspectives in how we view things.
And of course there is one or two other quiet resolves that can not be made public for their non accomplishment can be embarrassing. The objective of making known the above 3 resolutions is to corner myself to act on them after having made such public declarations brashly. Well, if I don't expire before the next leap year, I have 4 (not 1) years more to act, haven't I?
Now for myself I hope (there I go again just "hoping")rather I will try to achieve the following ("try"...sigh):
1. Acquire more skills to work with children as I find this area very uplifting.
2. Learn and practise meditation to develop a sense of calm and quiet. The ultimate goal is to maintain equanimity in the midst of life’s inevitable turbulence.
3. To expose myself beyond the confines of our city state and its siloed structures. The best outcome would be to live part of each year in another country. This should help in broadening perspectives in how we view things.
And of course there is one or two other quiet resolves that can not be made public for their non accomplishment can be embarrassing. The objective of making known the above 3 resolutions is to corner myself to act on them after having made such public declarations brashly. Well, if I don't expire before the next leap year, I have 4 (not 1) years more to act, haven't I?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Insight into Alzheimer
Caught the movie "Iron Lady" which depicts Margaret Thatcher in her current state afflicted with alzheimer; and with lots of flashbacks about her political career. Whilst Meryl Streep's acting is superb, many people opined that it is distasteful to make a film out of a person's sufferings even whilst the person is alive. Meryl Streep has put up a very strong performance which apparently portrays accurately the typical behaviour of an alzheimer sufferer. I am quite sure people of my age watching this movie will not help but feel a bit fearful of the possibility of ending up like her. Well, even an ex-PM with such a strong will is not spared.
In today's Sunday Times, Sumiko described her experience joining some nurses and care givers in a course on elderly care. They underwent simulated experiences of a person who has failing eyesight, is hard of hearing and is wheel-chaired bound. She walks away feeling more tolerant of the frequent noises coming from a male patient at a nursing home behind her house in the middle of the night.
As for me I do not need simulated experience to know what it means to be frail and old. I am already beginning to relate to some of their experiences. Scenes of the show that particularly draw me in are those when Thatcher feels very upset when she knows people are whispering about her forgetfulness and her loss of mental faculties. I find that I am also very sensitive about comments that may imply my lack of mental alertness. In fact I think it is a common fear amongst senior/pre-senior citizens that their memory and alertness is failing/weakening. In an unfortunate sense they also feel guilty and blame themselves for not keeping up with their mental health or feel somewhat irresponsible. To make matters worse they may also project the fear onto their partners. So it is not uncommon for old couples to call each other "blur" hence reinforcing their own irritation. Although amongst our friends and colleagues we have jokingly agreed to remind each other of weirdness in behaviour as we age, we must be mindful of how we do it given the sensitivity. The surest way to hurt the senior citizens' feelings is to pass frivolous remarks about them being forgetful, blur etc or implying they are useless. Instead we should encourage them to partake in activities that engage their mind.
Though the show "Iron Lady" may seem heartless to some it does give the audience a glimpse into the illness of alzheimer. It draws the audience's empathy and provides an insight into the patients' struggles, reminding us that the illness can afflict any aging person irrespective of gender and status including the "Iron Lady".
In today's Sunday Times, Sumiko described her experience joining some nurses and care givers in a course on elderly care. They underwent simulated experiences of a person who has failing eyesight, is hard of hearing and is wheel-chaired bound. She walks away feeling more tolerant of the frequent noises coming from a male patient at a nursing home behind her house in the middle of the night.
As for me I do not need simulated experience to know what it means to be frail and old. I am already beginning to relate to some of their experiences. Scenes of the show that particularly draw me in are those when Thatcher feels very upset when she knows people are whispering about her forgetfulness and her loss of mental faculties. I find that I am also very sensitive about comments that may imply my lack of mental alertness. In fact I think it is a common fear amongst senior/pre-senior citizens that their memory and alertness is failing/weakening. In an unfortunate sense they also feel guilty and blame themselves for not keeping up with their mental health or feel somewhat irresponsible. To make matters worse they may also project the fear onto their partners. So it is not uncommon for old couples to call each other "blur" hence reinforcing their own irritation. Although amongst our friends and colleagues we have jokingly agreed to remind each other of weirdness in behaviour as we age, we must be mindful of how we do it given the sensitivity. The surest way to hurt the senior citizens' feelings is to pass frivolous remarks about them being forgetful, blur etc or implying they are useless. Instead we should encourage them to partake in activities that engage their mind.
Though the show "Iron Lady" may seem heartless to some it does give the audience a glimpse into the illness of alzheimer. It draws the audience's empathy and provides an insight into the patients' struggles, reminding us that the illness can afflict any aging person irrespective of gender and status including the "Iron Lady".
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tide of Madness
Carl Jung believed that the psyche always strive towards wholeness and that a union of both the conscious and unconscious is necessary. When a person ignores the unconscious and is completely ruled by the conscious or the ego, the psyche will alert the person of the disharmony through somatic symptoms or some mental disorders eg. depression or anxiety disorders. A person can get in touch with the personal unconscious through dreams, play, artistic, cultural/spiritual expression. As dreams is the means whereby our unconscious conveys messages, it is advisable that we should not deprive ourselves of sleep and also as far as possible try to recollect our dreams.
It is no wonder that children deprived of play or the space/freedom to express their creativity develop some form of disorders like anxiety or panic attack. It has been reported that some Singaporean parents are sending their children to see psychiatrists as the children are not coping with their school work. Some of these children are experiencing mental blocks.
I can't help but feel there is a tide of madness/quirkiness creeping over our society. In today's papers there is report of parents engaging tutors to do their children's tuition homework, mind you not school homework but tuition homework. This is because some prestigious tuition centres demand that the students keep up with the tuition homework or be expelled!!! Imagine the toll on the kids not only to cope with school and tuition curriculum but various enrichment classes as well. Have the parents gone mad?
Then there was the weekend report that civil servants including a vice prinicpal of a popular school are involved in an online prostitution ring. Could the stress from their children's education ontop of their own work stress be the last straw that drives some men to look for avenues for emotional release? There seems to be no stopping of this relentless fear of trailing behind others. The herd instinct is so powerful here that it encroaches all aspects of life. It could be that people feel safe as long as they move with the herd be it at school, at work, at play and at prayer. One takes on a persona most accepted by society and soon believes that persona is the real self whilst one's unconscious and shadow cringe in pain.
It is no wonder that children deprived of play or the space/freedom to express their creativity develop some form of disorders like anxiety or panic attack. It has been reported that some Singaporean parents are sending their children to see psychiatrists as the children are not coping with their school work. Some of these children are experiencing mental blocks.
I can't help but feel there is a tide of madness/quirkiness creeping over our society. In today's papers there is report of parents engaging tutors to do their children's tuition homework, mind you not school homework but tuition homework. This is because some prestigious tuition centres demand that the students keep up with the tuition homework or be expelled!!! Imagine the toll on the kids not only to cope with school and tuition curriculum but various enrichment classes as well. Have the parents gone mad?
Then there was the weekend report that civil servants including a vice prinicpal of a popular school are involved in an online prostitution ring. Could the stress from their children's education ontop of their own work stress be the last straw that drives some men to look for avenues for emotional release? There seems to be no stopping of this relentless fear of trailing behind others. The herd instinct is so powerful here that it encroaches all aspects of life. It could be that people feel safe as long as they move with the herd be it at school, at work, at play and at prayer. One takes on a persona most accepted by society and soon believes that persona is the real self whilst one's unconscious and shadow cringe in pain.
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