Acceptance and Gratitude

 

ST article "Coming to terms with death" by prof Chong Siow Ann is a good read. He advocates that it is better for people to be prepared instead of avoiding thoughts about death, so that they can leave the world in peace. 

The article mentions a book "Talking about death won't kill you" by Virginia Morris where the author lists out the various fears relating to death which include:

-fear of body being dissected in a post mortem

-fear of being shunned and abandoned

-afraid there is no afterlife and only "unimaginable nothingness" 

-fear of not gaining entry to paradise

In addition there is the accompanying worry of loss of dignity and autonomy when dependent on others to meet basic hygiene and physical needs. There is also the fear of being a burden to family members as well as not having settled some unfinished business. 

The author thinks that those who live with the awareness of death and staying engaged in life for whatever time that remains have better outcome in the face of dying. In that respect the " 5 key tasks" that need to be carried out would be to say " I'm sorry, I forgive you, Thank you, I love you, Goodbye".

Personally I agree the most fearful is this "unimaginable nothingness". It's like some obliteration, some snap elimination from this world that has so much history. It's like I will never know forever how it will evolve. Hence the fifth task saying Goodbye is the hardest. This is often termed as existential death anxiety and is what make people turn to religion. 

A teacher once said that to be calm and peaceful at death, one should imagine either following a divine being or imagine immersing into the vastness of the universe.

The ST article ends with a quote from neurologist cum writer Oliver Sacks before his death "I have loved and been loved, I have been given much and I have given something in return...Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal on this beautiful planet, and this in itself has been an enormous gratitude and adventure".

The rich hinterland

 

During the last fortnight I have visited the Johor State of Malaysia twice, once to the Gunong Pulai waterfall and a few days ago to the beach at Desaru. What would a city state like Singapore do without a friendly neighbour hinterland , I mean where else can Singapore residents take a breather in the vastness of space and nature.

On an off peak week day it takes about 2 to 3 hours from home in Singapore to reach these 2 destinations in Malaysia. The small town vibe where you stop for coffee break reminds that life can be lived quite basically without the stress of a complex life that wants it all. 

As one enters the forested area of Gunong Pulai the chorus of calls from insects, birds, animals and the sound of gushing waters tugs at your soul. I sat on a rock with water splashing all over me. Feeling it with my palm I began to wonder how many years it took the gushing stream to smoothen the rock's once rough surfaces. We need to be patient to shape ours too. 

The Desaru beach on that weekday morning was deserted. Only one miniscule solitary figure was in sight when I casted my eyes furthest where the shoreline ends with a bend. At times the clouds hung so low they seemed to beckon me to jump and touch them. The scene together with the waves' rhythmic push and pull stirred reflective thoughts of the past and what best for moving forward to find peace and contentment.

I believe city dwellers need a hinterland, a vast space and deep connection with nature to pause and take stock of life, of what is consuming our mental energy and whether new values/directions are needed

First ever Happy Dental Visit

 

Last week I had the most pleasant dental appointment. Apparently the usual dental clinic which I visit has contracted a retiree lady dentist who works on a part time basis. She only does filling and cleaning/polishing. She did a filling for me earlier and last week I went back for review and cleaning.

In a throaty voice she dished out advice which I can only nod in agreement while she worked on my teeth. First of all she alerted me that two of my premolars which have turned greyish are not decaying but the discolouring was due to the metal filling inside changing colour tone. She warned me against listening to dentists who advise me to do root canal treatment and crowning for these 2 teeth. In between rinsing mouth breaks I told her that was exactly what some dentists had suggested and I was actually considering the procedure since it was not very nice to reveal the discoloured premolars when I smiled too widely. She then retorted that at our age it doesn't really matter and I should just avoid spending money unnecessarily and the pain.

She then went on to say that we can delay filling a small cavity in another tooth because to do so she would have to drill a bit more into the cavity. Other than that she remarked that my teeth are generally in good order with little plaque. We had a short chat about unprofessional doctors whose aim is to make money with me thanking her professional integrity before I left.

Well I don't really know whether her medical advice is sound but she is the first dentist I have come across in my life who doesn't frown upon my set of teeth or makes me embarrassed commenting on them. That is why many people dislike dentists, starting with fear from pain when young and developing into fear of pain, guilt and embarrassment including embarrassment displaying anxiety on the dentist chair.

I have a good laugh when I left the clinic thinking it has probably lost quite a bit of revenue by employing a retiree dentist to save cost.

It was the first time I walked out of a dental clinic feeling happy about my teeth!