Covid makes me feel old

 

Gosh never have I felt so vulnerable being a person above 60 years of age. 

Everyday the Ministry of Health releases figures on number of new Covid cases , number of patients hospitalised requiring oxygen support and number of patients in ICU. It then went on to specifically mention the number of such patients who are above 60 hence highlighting that the "seriously ill" are mainly such elderly people. Just awhile ago the government again "strongly urged" people above 60 and those living with them to stay home for the next 4 weeks.

Suddenly it sounds as if 60 is the border once crossed signifies feebleness, frailty and vulnerability. It sounds as if the world outside your home is infested with virus and you are as defenceless as a lamb in a lion's den. Wasn't it not long ago when we boomers were leading a life full of zest, travelling to far off places, signing up for all kinds of classes, catching up with the youngsters on new ideas and trying to be 'woke'. We were made to believe that  60s is the new 50s or 40s. Overnight we become 'seniors' with weakening body organs unable to fight off the virus.

Now even if I had gone out to do an extra bit of shopping on top of 'essentials' or dined at a cafe, I would feel kind of guilty. Had I been irresponsible? I feel like a rebellious kid when stepping out of the house.

Honestly all these official warnings and reminders are driving me (if not us) crazy. As a friend puts it we have to stay sane too.

Child Play at Mid Autumn festival

 

Yesterday was Mid Autumn festival. Last weekend I saw a shop selling lanterns and intended to buy a new lantern to add to my collection. The shop keeper asked me how old my grandchild is so she can recommend a suitable one. She remarked that if the child is too young a lighter one with a cartoon image would be appropriate. My immediate response was to tell her I do not have grandkids but thought it would be either embarrassing or too tedious to tell her that I love lightening up various lanterns for my own enjoyment. As usual I had quite a bit of fun taking pictures of the lighted lanterns last night. 

This morning I thought about Carl Jung and how he loved to play even as an adult to connect with his inner child. Now I am thinking of buying the toys which I have always wanted as a child and play to my heart's content. For a moment I thought I am losing my sanity because of Covid. However considering that Lego has come out with adult Lego sets and with adult colouring books flooding the market, I begin to appreciate the virtue of play. Would it be weird though? 

I google 'adult playing children toys' and came across a remark made in Quora on a similar subject. The response says it is perfectly normal for adults to continue playing with children toys. The only abnormality is "an adult who just wants to play with toys sometimes, but feels ashamed of doing so to the point that he hides it, and does it secretly. He may have some kind of problem with self-image".

I try to recall happy childhood memories so as to relive them but don't seem to remember much. Perhaps a better alternative is to probe what I feel I have missed out. Perhaps I should buy a doll house and put little pieces of furniture and miniature figures in it or perhaps I should go to the library to enjoy pop-up books. Whatever it is, the idea is to recreate the sense of fantasy and wonder and to have fun unrestrained.

It sure would be a good way to beat the Covid blues.

Sun Bathing Moment

 

Looking at my cat sitting peacefully probably oblivious of her shadow, I am reminded of the  words of the Buddha- "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves"

Does my cat think? According to some experts animals do not think like the way human does or they do not have the capability of higher reasoning. They are thus spared from many a mental afflictions that we human often experience. 

When Buddha speaks of a 'pure' mind he is referring to a mind uncorrupted by defilement which are mainly greed, anger/aversion and delusion and which branch out into attachment, envy, jealousy, guilt,  shame and depression just to name a few.

When our minds think of something lacking in our life or think of getting rid of an unwanted condition, we are at odds with the reality of circumstances. My cat seems to be relatively free of such mental anguish. When the weather is hot she does not fret but just looks for the best shaded spot to snooze (often it's the toilet). When the weather is cool and windy she does not hope that it lasts forever, she just slumbers for hours on the sofa. 

She may have a sense of self and is territorial, warding off stray cats venturing into our garden. However I certainly don't think she is attached to an identity or even need to uphold or defend one. She just 活着.

Oblivious of the shadow that her form projects, she just enjoys the sun bathing moment.