Revived Curiosity

 

A question was posed to a religious teacher on how he will react when witnessing a person verbally and emotionally abusing another. The teacher replied that he would approach the perpetrator to ask "Are you ok? Do you need help?". Asking that of the perpetrator instead of the victim is kind of unusual but that is what the teacher termed "curious compassion" ie. to find out what affliction the perpetrator is suffering from that they have to vent it on another person. 

Instead of judging the perpetrator one has to find out what they are going through. In fact the perpetrator may be surprised by the question because they themselves may not know what's going on within themselves.

Similarly one should be curiously compassionate towards oneself. This morning I was peeved with the attitude of a bank's hotline customer service officer. I was so furious that I slammed the phone on her and felt bad afterwards. Remembering the term "curious compassion" I asked myself "Are you ok?" I replied "I am angry, I felt she didn't think me important". I then asked myself "Do you need help?" to which I answered "Yes, I need help with my constant need to be well regarded". 

Curious compassion acknowledges that there is a lot of things we don't know about another person or even our own self. In some sense it goes beyond the rational to judge and goes deeper to understand the emotions and the roots behind. For example a teacher who practices curious compassion does not just write off a student for being lazy for not doing his homework but instead is curious as to why he does not do so.

I guess not everyone are empathetic by nature but every person can be curious to start with. In the example of the "lazy" student, the teacher may be the " no nonsense " type but being curious and finding out more about the student may change his approach in some ways.

Well we were curious when we were kids weren't we? Let us revive it.

Harmoniously Together

Yesterday morning at Taichi class I was practicing in front of a tall slim tree with sparse leaves. Part of its thin trunk  is covered with moss. 2 stumps of wild grass sprung from its lower and upper bark. By itself , the tree with its exposed roots is far from beautiful and appears pathetically frail. The tree however is surrounded on 4 sides by 3 feet tall plants with purple flowers. Putting them together within a frame, I will name the picture "Harmoniously Together .

It was a cool breezy morning and as I moved my body in rhythmic alignment with my slow breath I kind of felt the energy flow, internally at first and then encompassing the the breeze and the surrounding including "Harmoniously Together".

The energy flow brought about a state of calm which made me more  patient and measured in speech when interacting with people during the day.

"There is a deep interconnectedness of all life on earth, from the tiniest organisms, to the largest ecosystems, and absolutely between each person."- Bryant McGill-Voive Of Reason

To be available for love.

 

A religious teacher gave an excellent example about relishing the moment and taking in the little joys. He shared that one of the best moments of his day is when his cat enters the room before he goes to bed, looks up at him, rolls on the plush rug and then plays with him. He describes it as warmth that exudes from the cats' "availability for love". 

This morning while in a car waiting for the traffic light to turn I noticed a cute little kitten hidden behind the pillar of a shop triggering a smile in me. It makes me think that cats really exist for a reason which is to make human beings a happier lot. It also makes me ponder why unlike cats human beings are so complicated and complex and are less "available for love". Humans don't usually begin life that way. As young children they were also quite "available for love" and emotionally available. However as they grow up they become more inhibited, guarded and complex with increased expectations and fears. Basically it means not trusting others to accept who they are, hence not allowing themselves to be known on a deeper level (wearing a mask all the time ) and for some eventually  not even knowing themselves. 

I think why cats are so adorable, apart from being born cute and pretty, is also because they are so authentic. When they need food they look at you with beckoning eyes, when they want to touch you they nose your feet, when they want to be left alone they meow fiercely at you. They can also be downright arrogant  but that's why we love them.

 As comedian Carol Leifer once said "Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that".  If only human can be like cats and be themselves all the time instead of pretending to be someone they are not, they will be as lovable as cats.

My Book

 

One morning during the Covid lockdown I woke up wondering how to occupy each day without the usual volunteering, social and fitness/keep-well activities. Then it dawned on me that given this opportunity of limitless free time if I didn't fulfill my dream of writing a Children's book, I never would. 

In early Dec 2020, 150 copies of the self published books were on my doorstep.

Having witnessed the emotional anxieties some children experienced in trying to meet their parents’ expectations of them, I wrote a story which I hope these children can relate to.  Using the analogy of a dog, the story is about how a dog feels when under pressure to perform clever tricks at a party.  It ends with a message that everyone has their own strengths and shines in their unique way. Also it conveys the idea that no matter how harsh the owner/parent seems, there is an underlying loving relationship.

I had intended for the book to be shelved by our national library and some of its regional libraries. I had always imagined a self written book among their shelves. Well, given that I had volunteered with them as a story teller for more than a decade, the librarian whom I know has promised to facilitate. Then someone suggested that I distribute among the schools. Was I overjoyed when the school counselor of the first  school I wrote to asked for 5 copies to be shared with other school counselors in her district as well. The same happened with the second school I wrote to whose counselor asked for 6 copies. I was truly happy to think that the book could be of use to them. This is an unexpected outcome.

Another surprise for me is the different interpretations or themes some adults read of the book. One dog lover was emotionally moved with her reading of the book as a criticism of animal cruelty. Her remark was " The story enraged me... I really believe the moral of the story was human needs to fuck off".  Most however read it as a warning for tiger mums and how their anxieties could impact the kids, very much aligned with my original intention. Yet there are readers who just like the twist of the storyline and the amazing illustrations (thanks to my good long suffering illustrator and the readers' politeness). The best part is when each reader when told of another interpretation is totally surprised of the different perception. 

It just made me think that if  a seemingly explicit story can be read in different ways, how much more multiple ways will a single situation or event be viewed depending on the onlookers' varied conditioning. It enhances my belief in human complexity.

All in all it was a good experience writing a moral story. Along the way my daughter (who helped immensely in its production) and I gained knowledge in the nuts and bolts of self publishing a book and the experience of working with an artist. She was truly amazing, really!!!