Beware of Frivolous speech

Gosh I can't believe that our police is carrying out further investigations just because a 20 year old lad expressed on Facebook that he felt like throwing an egg at a certain minister! Another person who commented on the lad's posting providing information on the minister's meet-the-people session is also being investigated for inciting violence!!! The poor lad now admits it was a joke.

Honestly it is no joking business. The police better educate the public on what kind of acts will constitute inciting violence or breaking the law. What normal people perceive as joke can now be interpreted as intention to cause harm. What about jokingly throwing eggs at your neighbour online? Can your neighbour now lodge a police report too or does this right belong to certain people only? Further, will Facebook and other social media companies be expected to include 'the threat to throw eggs' as a direct threat of violence in Singapore and which under the media company's inhouse rule has to be removed.

To reiterate it is no joking business we have to be reminded that even a private comment on Facebook by the PM's nephew residing overseas resulted in him being taken to court. He had opined in a private Facebook posting saying that the Singapore Government 'is very litigious and has a pliant court system'.

Therefore instead of pretending to uphold freedom of speech the police should just directly come out with a list of 'Forbidden Speech' or 'Silly Words which may land you in Jail' for the benefit of clueless netizens who may not be aware they are on the wrong side of the law with frivolous speech.

Japan train travel

Just came back from a trip in Japan covering 4 places by train. If you want to stave off dementia for a year or two, stay in Japan and navigate their rail transport which can be quite overwhelming.

First of all there are more than 100 private companies providing rail transport in Japan including the 6 companies under the JR (Japan Rail) Group and 16 other major regional companies. Intercity travel and subway travel crisscross in many stations. My husband and I were confused and groping around at a transfer station because the same location has 2 different station names depending on the line you are taking.

For intercity travel you must be familiar with the name of the train and their pattern of stopping. The local train stops at every station, the 'limited express', 'express' and 'rapids' stop at fewer stations in variation. If you get into the wrong train you will panic when the train whiz pass your destination. To get to any destination you must first of all do some homework to see which lines get you there  fastest and with the least transfer. At the major stations you must hunt for the signs that lead to that line. Not only must you look above you must also look below as some of the signages are on the floor. Then you must look for the platform and the time of departure. Here one must also be careful because the same platform can also serve different lines. As the trains whiz past at frequency of minutes to different destinations you must glue your eyes to the electronic signage for the exact timing of departure to your destination.

Next you must also cast your eyes downwards. There are spots on the floor of the platform that show where the train doors will be when the train stops. As different types of train have different number of carriages, the electronic signage will also indicate the type of train you will be travelling on. You must then follow the spots on the floor belonging to that particular type of train. Otherwise you may be waiting at a spot where a shorter train may not stop.In addition for intercity travel where your ticket does not come with a reserve seat you must be familiar with the car or carriage numbers of that particular train that are meant for free seating. Once we had to drag our luggage from the front car  to the third last car when the train was moving because we hopped onto the car for reserved seating. Another lesson learnt for not being mindful of our feet was when a soft spoken Japanese lady politely pointed at my husband's feet. On the floor was a pink sign which says "women" indicating it was meant only for ladies.

Nevertheless I am always thrilled when the intercity trains with its long sleek nose approach the platform. Moreover once you are comfortably seated after the great hustle you begin to enjoy the  smooth train ride admiring its punctuality and efficiency. Just an hour or two and we are transported from a bustling mega city to scenic country sides and mountains. Working the mind to enjoy the quiet is just perfect for a retiree.

She ain't heavy

There is a recent news report about a 12 year old girl in China who died when she laid on top of her younger sibling while a fire engulfed their house. The girl was apparently the caregiver as her parents were often not around. This made me recall a session I had with a pair of siblings at the Children's Home, an 8 year old boy and his 6 year old sister.

The boy was recommended for play therapy as he had increasingly been throwing tantrum. For several sessions the underlying theme about his stories at play was the need to be safe, secure and protected. Hence he would build a nice home with  toy beds and furniture for the little toy children  but also ensured the home was well barricaded such that no one could attack the children. He even had fierce animals guarding the gates.

Of late his play has a more nurturing theme (eg. cooking and feeding). This is a good development. Soon he requested that his younger sister joins in the play therapy. With the social worker's approval I now work with both siblings together. During the first session I had the impression the boy was often bossing his sister around, occasionally shouting at her and making her wailed in tears. I then told him to be more gentle and loving.

At the recent session, the second I had with them, I discovered more about his predicament. The session started off badly with the sister cutting her foot as she rushed barefooted to the therapy room. When the staff sent her to my room after dressing the bruised foot, she was already in a crying mood. Throughout the session she would start wailing when she did not get what she wanted. I noticed when the girl started to cry the boy would get very agitated. He would shout at her to stop crying while trying to accommodate her wishes. He told her he would only give in on condition that she stopped crying immediately. However his shouting only made her wail louder and he seemed so emotionally overwhelmed when she continued wailing and shrieking. Even when she got what she wanted she still sobbed continuously remarking that the brother was still angry with her. I then made him hugged her instead of shouting at her which worked for a short while. When the sister started to cry again over a toy which was out of battery, he was visibly distressed again. I pulled him aside and told him it is alright to ignore her crying and leave her alone when her demands are unreasonable. He looked a bit surprised when I told him that and he played on his own before another episode started again.

It is quite heart breaking to see this pair of emotionally co-dependent siblings trying to survive in an institution away from home and their parents. I can see that the boy feels responsible for taking care of his sister but is often overwhelmed and does not know how to handle the shrieks of a 6 year old. His inability to calm her down makes him panicky thus resorting to shouting at her. We must not forget that he himself is only 8 years old and is feeling insecure himself as indicated in the theme of his sandplay. I have a feeling that her cries may also remind and surface his own inner fears and sadness. The sister is evidently dependent on the brother for emotional support hence sobbing often about his anger towards her. I therefore have to teach him to set boundaries for himself while validating his care and concern for his sister.

Psychologists have often cited the negative effects of "parentification" which is a form of emotional distress when a child has to become the caregiver of a sibling. I think the emotional toll can be exacting. Apparently children who grow up parenting their parents or siblings are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

Immediately after the second session, I was considering engaging the siblings separately  in the coming sessions as it was quite challenging having them together. However now that I reflect on it, I feel the more I should be helping them interact, as in helping the boy develop some emotional boundaries while at the same time showing affections when his sister requires it.

Though "she ain't heavy, she's my sister",
"the road is long with many a winding turn"