An Imagined Story of 2 Kids

After watching a documentary on Discovery Channel on the coronation of the Sultan of Perak, I was curious that his consort and two children are so young. So I did some googling and found out that Sultan Nazrin aged 59 has an impressive academic record, having graduated from Oxford and attaining Phd at Harvard. He married at 51 and have 2 children aged 7 and 4. However what intrigued me more is Sultan Nazrin's father, Sultan Azlan Shah.

When my father left his apprenticeship in Singapore for Kuala Lumpur in 1957 he started off working in the men's-boutique department of a departmental store frequented by well heeled customers including senior government officials and professionals. The per-requisite of a well-tailored bespoke suit is a hand draft pattern of great precision. Based on the individual's measurements, a pattern is drafted like an engineering drawing involving a lot of precise measuring and calculation. This was the skill which my father excelled. He brought a lot of business to the store and in no time felt he deserved more than the meager salary he was getting. Thus whilst still holding his day job he set up shop which opened only in the evening in the flat which the family lived. Of course he charged much cheaper than what the department store charged. The flat was on the third floor and one had to climb 3 flight of stairs to reach the flat. Even then he drew away many customers from the departmental store. Perhaps operating in the evening also suited peoples' schedule. From my parents' conversation, especially because of my mother's great admiration for the well educated and professionals, I knew from a young age names like Lim Chong Yah (who was then teaching in the University of Malaya), Lien Ying Chow (who was then Singapore high commissioner to KL) and a high court judge of royal lineage was amongst the customers who heaved and peeved 3 storeys to seek a tailor to make their perfect suit. Now the high court judge was the one that I remembered most because on one of his visits he used a meter-long ruler to hit the false ceiling of the room (which was renovated as a shop) and teased my father about what he was hiding above. I learnt from my mother that the high court judge later became a sultan and much later the Yang di Pertuan Agong.

After much googling I realised the documentary was about the coronation of the son of that 'judge' whom we held in awe. This was our closest link with anything royal and famous. When one has the slightest brush with the rich and famous one starts to let imagination runs wild. Could we have met when we were young? You see when these people came to make their suits, they sometimes bring their children along, like in an outing. Sometimes these kids would sit on the rattan chairs at the balcony whilst waiting for their father who seemed to be taking forever to select the fabric and design. My role as a young kid was that of a doorman, unlocking and opening the door when customers were about to leave the flat. The door to the flat opened into the balcony. So I would be on standby at the balcony near the door. Could one of those kids whom I exchanged stares with be the present Sultan of Perak? I wonder.

I like the scene which I imagined. Two kids, one Malay boy and one Chinese girl staring at each other. The girl opened the door for the father and the kid. More than half a century later an old woman watched a documentary on the coronation of a King; 2 kids, 2 life trajectories.

"Ugly" is just as good

Interesting article in the papers about a startup named "Imperfect Produce" at the Bay Area of San Francisco. There you can buy produce at steep discount. Though equally tasteful and nutritious, the vegetable and fruits are "cosmetically challenged". So here you can find lobsided bell peppers, carrots joined at the limbs, crooked egg plants and other "ugly" and discoloured fruits and vegetables.

In a world where irregularly formed produce are discarded if they do not meet the consumer aesthetic standard, there is massive food wastage. Heapfuls of non-uniform produce piled up in fields waiting to be discarded.

To attract attention and acceptance, the store has coined labels like"Real food has curves" (alike women), "bite me", "my curves are good for you" and "more to love" (for an overly large lemon for example). Unfortunately trying to sell to supermarkets was an uphill task. Somehow there is this prevalent psychological perception that non-standard looking produce can be harmful. The supermarkets were unwilling to purchase quoting difficulty in selling to consumers.

What a pity! I was just thinking if supermarkets are willing to carry such irregular looking produce it would be good learning grounds for children to accept non uniformity and learn to be open minded and to embrace diversity. So a parent can walk down an aisle showing the kid that though a particular tomato is fat and bulbous or for that matter discoloured, it is just as nutritious as any other. On deeper thought however, even if supermarkets are willing to carry such imperfect produce, they will probably need to display them in separate trays selling at substantial discounts. How then can you explain to the child such inequality? Wouldn't it reinforce the inferiority of non normal looking produce?

Perhaps only in the Bay Area of San Francisco where people think out of the box, does Imperfect Produce manage to deliver boxes of their produce at offices of tech luminaries. Perhaps only these people can bring these less than "perfect" produce home and whilst sharing such food with their kids remark that "food grows in fun and funky ways- the notion that it is uniform is just a fallacy" and that "ugly" is really just as good.

Refused to be discharged

Today I went to the National Eye Centre for the annual review. I have kept the appointments alive by exaggerating a bit on the floaters that disturb my vision. This is because the centre will discharge you if you don't have any serious problem. Today after the tests and inspection, the young lady doctor told me apart from the floaters which shouldn't be of real concern, my cornea health is declining ie. the cells are degenerating. She explains this is part of aging and nothing much can be done about it. When pressed further she said my vision may become a bit hazy over time. I queried what is the worst that can happen (hypochondriac syndrome kicking in) to which she replied a cornea transplant if vision really deteriorates. Then she gave me a close look which kind of frightened me and in the next breath she said, "I am just thinking whether to still monitor you or discharge you". I was aghast and declared "I want to be monitored". She replied though not rudely that it was not for me to decide. I then asked her politely why my degenerating cornea condition doesn't need monitoring. She said it will be a slow and gradual process and won't be like I will lose my vision overnight. I remarked that surely the hospital should take care of ( I was about to say pioneer generation but stopped short realizing I didn't qualify) elderly people like myself. This time round she retorted "But madam, we have many many other elderly people to take care of too". She finally accommodated by saying she will go over to seek the consultant's advice.They finally decided to see me in 2 years time. At the registration desk, the clerk told me she will give me an appointment in 18 months' time and that it is better not to fix an appointment exactly 2 years from now. She said it was to give me some contingency should I need any postponement as there is a policy for automatic discharge of patients not seen for 2 years. To get myself re-registered I would need to go to a polyclinic for referral and a long wait of months for an appointment.

I reflect on the doctor's exasperated retort and the clerk's advice and begin to really feel the limited resources in public healthcare. In a way my own remarks pose a relevant question, "To what extent is my healthcare the government's responsibility?" It comes very naturally to me that the government should take care of my healthcare needs. However if I view it from the angle of  "limited resources a midst competing demand"  it may seem selfish of me to take up someone's slot. Still, it will take a really big heart to forgo public healthcare.

(By the way I feel these young doctors really have very little EQ, telling a patient her conditions is not so good and in the next instance telling her she is discharged).

Play

I have been mulling over a repeated theme played out by a little girl at the children's home (suspected to be physically abused by an adult in the family). So she wants me to be the wicked queen whilst she be the long suffering maid being bullied by the queen. This theme has been played for a couple of sessions now. When I show signs of kindness she will stop me in the act and instruct me to be harsh and rude. No letting out in ill treatment is allowed. Sometimes the theme develops into the queen being imprisoned repetitively by the police for the abuse, only to be released with the maid's help and resumes the ill treatment over and over again.  Now I know in psychology there is this behaviour called 'repetitive compulsive disorder' where a person seeks circumstances which allows him/her to re-experience the 'trauma' over and over again. A common example is the chronic dysfunctional relationships a person seeks in a partner where he/she will once again be the subject of physical or emotional abuse or neglect. Freud ascribes it to a dysfunctional relationship at childhood with a parent. Subconsciously the 'inner child' is trying to relive the experience with the hope that if he is good, smarter, more helpful etc he will win back the love and approval of his parent. It is a sort of defence mechanism which avoids the sinking into despair, hopelessness, anger and depression over the rejection. In rewriting history the inner child hopes to do it right 'this time round'.

A form of catharsis  involves the acceptance of the feelings ie. to swallow the bitter pill. So after 3 sessions of the long suffering maid seeking incessant misery, I revise my script a bit albeit to my client's displeasure. I passed remarks like " I don't want to bully you anymore because you are a good girl" and "you should not allow others to bully you, you don't deserve it". Whether by coincidence, at the last session, the behaviour of the 'maid' turned really aggressive and angry with her shouting " this castle doesn't belong to you" and "get out of my castle". You know sometimes I can not control my reflex reaction. "Whoa why are you so angry and fierce?", I remarked instead of the normal observation remark I should be giving which is "the maid is very angry with the wicked queen". The story ended with her using magical power to send the wicked queen trapped and blown away in a bubble.I wonder what is her next theme though.

One thing that really keeps me going is this opportunity to observe the children's themes at play, do some research on them and relate to their underlying rationale.