Things to do now you're 40

Picked up a book titled "Things to do now tthat you're 40". Though more than a deccade too late, I was kind of curious what I have missed out and see whether I can do a bit of catch up. The book is not in prose form and really just lists out suggestions under 8 broad headings.

Leaving out the crazy, weird and sometimes irresponsible activities like "Do something scandalous that will shock your descendants" or "Play roulette in a casino and lose more money than you can afford" in the list, I find some of the suggestions rather interesting, doable and worthy of consideration. Under the various headings they include:

Challenge Yourself:

• Adopt an unusual, unexpected hobby; the more bizarre the better
• Put a message in a bottle and throw it out to sea
• Have a drink in a bar alone and chat with the bartender (hmm... so challenging ,wonder when I wll pluck up enough courage to do this)

Enrich your Body and Mind

• Make a conscious decision not to become a middle-aged slob. Even when you're not going anywhere, dress nicely and groom yourself. (Gosh ! I havent bought a lipstick for ages)
• Figure out the foods that make your digestive system work most efficiently
• Get up early enough to have a calm start to the day and include something nurturing in your morning routine

Go Back to Nature

• Strike up a relationship with an animal and make sure you understand each other ( I and Miao2 are still happily trying to understand each other)
• Watch a sunset from a cliff looking out over an ocean (Just did that at Uluwata temple in Bali, a beautiful experience indeed!)
• Plant a tree in your backyard and watch it grow (my husband's source of enrichment which I must learn)
• Find the landscape that speaks to your soul, whether it be mountain or ocean, desert or forest
• Take a moment to count all the different shades of green outside

(Indeed the list is very long under this category especially if one has the luxury of living close to nature)

Review your achievement

• Think about what you used to want to do when you were growing up. Have you done it yet?
• Get something you've written in print. If all else fsils, write a letter to your local newspaper.
• Reread your resume. Sit back and feel pround of your achievement
• Nurture your intellectual curiosity. When you don't know something, look it up.
• Make one major life change in your fortieth year.

Celebrate your Creativity

• Start writing your thoughts, observations and feelings in a diary (got to do more of this)
• Develop your own eccentricities while you're young, so that as you get older people don't think you'r going gaga (hmm... it's a bit late for me, people will start using the 's' word (senile) if I begin now)
• Read all the Pulitzer Prize winning novels of the last ten years (wow with my slow reading pace that will be my retirement job)
• Stretch your brain cells, read difficult books and watch documentaries about complex subjects
• Take singing lessons, even if you're tone deaf. Singing is good for the soul ( can seriously consider!!!)
• Use your best china every day-don't wait for the perfect moments that never arrive
• Design and create a garden of your own (and get your husband the gardener to do the rest)

Upgrade your Attitude

• Get over sibling rivalry, or friendship rivalry, or any other kind of unhealthy competitiveness
• Be sure you have a healthy way of dealing with stressful situations, whether it's exercise, deep breathing, meditation or hugging a pet
• Spend your time the way you want to-   it is the hard currency of life. Don't let other people spend it for you

Refresh you Soul

• Remember, only quiet waters give an undistorted reflection and only quiet minds see the world as it really is.
• Give yourself permission to change your mind about everything

Re-evaluate your Relationships

• Learn how to listen well and to hear what is not being said

but at the same time...

• Separate from your family enough to become yourself

I have left out loads of suggestions in the book which are very cliche in nature and too often mentioned. Most of the items listed above are not impossible to carry out although some of them call for a bit of imagination, courage or madness on our part. As Robin Williams once said " You're only given a little spark of madness. You musn't lose it."

A Wish for Higher Dimensional Thinking

An interesting article "Rewire our brains....save our world" by Mark Buchanan in the Washington Post appeared in today's ST. The gist is about the need to innovate differently in  a finite planet and how humans are unable to know the real truth behind what they do ie. their thinking falls short of reality. One professor calls it "low dimensional" thinking whereby our engineers and scientists at best only consider "a few of the true pathways of cause and effect" whilst ignoring the "complexities" of  a "multi faceted" world. An example is given in the building of a dam whereby many effects are ignored other the major ones like the impact on the estuary and the obvious surroundings. This is because the human mind is unable to "capture" the vast number of dimensions our actions have on the environment.It then remains to hope that advanced technology can increase brain capacity to fathom these dimensions.

2 things strike me after reading this article:

• How deep do humans care even on a basic level, not to mention from a multi faceted perspective
• The idea of cause and effect across all aspects of life

In our pursuit to satisfy our sense pleasures we don't really care, do we? For example do we honestly care if industrial logging and industrial agriculture for biofuel and bio-energy bring about climate change and cause increase in food prices. I think we are more interested in how cheaper fuel can lower the price of a budget-air ticket. Yes it is hard to talk about caring for the future environment when that pleasure to be had is so immediate. Talk about sense pleasure, today's BT about the opening of W-Sentosa Cove has a picture of the lighted cone shaped outdoor wet bar , an absolute picture of style and trendiness that thrill your senses. So this onslaught of beautiful pleasures clobber your guilt into numbness.

The second thing that strikes me is the description used in the article about cause and effect (in this case with regards to the environment) but which I increasingly can relate to many aspects of our life. The article talks about the often unrealised social and biological impact over the long term and how "We're unaware, until eventually we have the famous 'unintended consequences'." As I am now attending Buddhist class 'cause and effect' is of course often mentioned and discussed. This has made me more and more reflective on how my past behaviour and actions or even that of my parents have a chain of effects intended and "unintended".
How I prioritised my life which governed many of my decisions and directions have some unexpected results amidst expected ones. I do know what the writer meant when he wishes that our brain can have higher dimensional thinking  and capture more pathways of ttruth.

Wafts of American breakfast in rice fields

Spent 5 days with my children in Bali at Ubud and Seminyak, the first amongst the hilly rustic rice fields and the latter a trendy beach resort swarmed with white tourists, predominantly Australians.

The hotel room we stayed in at Ubud has a balcony view that overlooks a padi field. At night the frogs croaked as in a natural “a capella” choir in pitch darkness. In the morning the quacking of a duck alternating the call of either a frog or a fowl distracted my reading in the balcony. I watched with amusement a fat brown duck gave chase to either a frog or fowl along the tracks of the rice fields before disappearing amongst the rice crops. In the distance a farmer tended his field. The image of a peaceful, simple and idyllic lifestyle was punctured by wafts of pan fried bacon and toasted fragrance of croissants in readiness for sets of huge American breakfast. I was slightly irritated with this corruption of the Indonesian rustic ambience but then again why should I be disturbed when the farmer goes about his routine unperturbed. Indeed he is probably glad that the small boutique hotels in the area have offered jobs to his children and relatives raising their standard of living. Apparently the drivers and employees of the hotel live in the same Junjungian Village that the hotel is located. Budget airlines have changed lifestyle not only for travelers but also the livelihood of small town inhabitants who probably fail to comprehend what kind of magic their village offers.

In the trendy district of Seminyak there is a beach club known as Potato Head. Once in it you would have thought you are back in Singapore’s Tanjung Beach Club at Sentosa if not for the miles of endless beach. The shallow infinity pool with a pool bar and the continuous blare of hot music let people dance and frolic in mirth and drunked stupor. Well tanned bodies with sunglasses and straw hats basked in the afternoon sun on the day beds, pretending to either read or sleep amidst the noise and revelry. One young white man obviously very drunk was creating some commotion and was watched over by a few security guys wherever he sauntered. We stayed only to watch the sunset and I was very sure the rhythm and beat would have thickened and quickened when night fell and as more youngsters arrived in droves. It was a brilliant sunset as the crimson ball slowly sank into the horizon, spreading pinkish streaks across the sky. However it was the first sunset I watched without the usual awe about nature. The noise and the collective disrespect all around me have robbed the sun off its warmth and glory in its farewell bade for the day.

This was my first time in Bali and provided a good recce to plan a second visit with my husband. I now know what places to revisit and those to avoid. After all at our age there aren’t “infinite” opportunities to appreciate an authentic unadulterated sunset.

Fragrant sensitivity

In recent years I have developed an acute intolerance to artificial scent. It first arose when I found that the cheaper essential oils that I used to burn in the evenings just outside the house started to make me feel a little tight on the jaws and forehead. A while later it developed into an ability to tell when my neighbour’s maid was washing the backyard whilst lying on my bed in the morning 2 floors above. The faint pungent smell would turn into a suffocating intolerance as I advanced downstairs. Sometimes when the smell became too intolerable I had to close the windows in the kitchen to shut out the odour. I wondered what heavy duty detergent they were using but my family members retorted that they didn’t smell a thing.

The intolerance became more intense gradually and rounded up “culprits” like the “cheap” hair cream in the club’s toilet which I accused my husband of using excessively after his swim and my daughter’s “anesthetic” whiff of perfume which almost knocked me out in the brief minutes that she dashed down to grab a coffee before going to office. I had also to bar her from using Body Shop’s body butter which had fruity flavours in my presence. The most torturous experience no doubt would be when I have to breathe through a tissue throughout a journey in a heavily scented taxi. What is worse you can't really tell people about your allergic reaction because they will find it offending and will be defensive about it. You can't for instance tell the taxi driver "Uncle what car freshener you use ah? I am getting a headache smelling it". Instead most time you have to cover your nose with a tissue discreetly as if you have a cold and do not wish to infect him.

I never cease to wonder why I suddenly develop this allergy out of nowhere when I never had such reactions when younger. It is probably due to my body over-reacting to allergens, ie. my body is mistakenly wary of its danger and there is no way for you to tell your body otherwise. One remark from a highly sensitive person however leaves an indelble impression on me "Now you know what it is like to be sensitive". Yes very often it is tough to understand or empathize when people relate their allergies and sensitivities. At most you hear them but can not feel the same, at worst you think "what weirdness" or "how strange". Only when the taxi driver uncle over reacted and reiterated umpty times that his car freshener was not the cheapskate type bought from CK store and was actually bought by his air stewardess daughter from Australia, you know you should have kept your sufferings to yourself and bear them quietly. For God's sake the whole world loves this beautiful fragrance and what kind of crazy sensitive nose you have- that's perhaps what a more restrained guy is thinking if he is not the typical loud and straight-from-the-mind taxi driver.

For me it is another lesson on empathy and when there is a lack of it; a good lessone for counselling.