Child Fantasies

For awhile I was rather disturbed by my client’s imaginations and fantasies. For several sessions he described with fine details how he drove his car from point to point, how he engaged his gears and where he parked his car. It started a couple of months ago when at one session he raved non stop about receiving driving lessons from a coach whom his uncle got for him. As the weeks went by his enthusiasm for driving raged as he shared with me how he controlled the wheels and outraced even his uncle.

He is a primary 3 boy abandoned by his mother and was physically abused by his step father when he was a toddler. At first I suspected that his wild fantasies might have arisen from visiting the arcades and playing with car racing games. However when his stories became more vivid I imagined that his uncle might have brought him to some simulation driving centres. I then called his guardian the grandmother. She laughed and told me that his uncle sometimes let him sit in the driver seat and did explain to him the way to drive a car. She told me that he is similarly obsessed talking about his driving skills at home. I suspect that the child gets a sense of control and security from his fantasies of mastering a car; and I allowed him air time with me about his car driving antics.

On my visit to New York I bought ( for a steal ) from “The Strand” (A huge bookstore buying and selling new and used books) Melanie Klein’s The Psycho-analysis of Children. Klein discussed how children find relief from internal and instinctive anxiety by projecting onto external objects. In very small children it is through play where the child is able to master the anxiety through control of the toy. So for example, a major anxiety in early childhood is missing someone who is longed for, the mother in most circumstances. Hence you find that small girls love to play with dolls as they are able to assure themselves of the presence of a loving mother when they nurse and care for their own doll. During the latency stage (between school going age and puberty), obsessive activities may take over as a source of projection. For instance a boy’s obsession to beat his rivals in games is the masculine way to deal with internal anxieties. Achievement in their games or sports is a mastery over their internal anxieties. “The small child’s play activities, by bridging the gulf between fantasy and reality, help it to master its fears of internal and external dangers”.

I believe my client’s obsession and fantasy with cars is his modus operandi to help him gain mastery over his anxiety of losing his mother. More than that I can now understand him better, how much he longs for her and how helpless he must be feeling about the whole situation.

NLB

Attended a gathering of volunteer story tellers last Saturday at the National Library. They treated us like kids feeding us with party food, ice cream and popcorn.

The Director in charge (who shared that she has just received her 35 years long service award) gave a short speech about the library's initiatives over the years in promoting a nation of readers. Her personal account of her career in NLB was equally interesting. I believed she was a scholar because she mentioned that upon her return she was offered 2 jobs, one with the library and another with PA (People's Associations). Thinking that working with PA would involve lots of overtime she chose NLB. Little did she know she ended up spending much personal time in NLB spearheading various activities out of love for the job.

Some 20 years ago whilst attached to the Ang Mo Kio branch, she took it upon herself to conduct story telling sessions outside her working hours for the love of it. It became quite popular such that she had to conduct it at the theatrette. She invited the parents in as well with the objective to demonstrate to them the way to instil the love of reading in their children. Hence she was strict with parents and would ask those who stayed at the back and read newspapers to leave. The library received a complaint against her but her boss supported her.

This is not the first time I attended such event. A few months ago there was an appreciation event for "Friends of Library" (mainly all kinds of volunteers). The Dy CEO spoke during that function. What struck me as a commonality not only between both these senior officers but amongst a few supporting officers as well is the passion for their job.

Coming back to last Saturday's event, the Director took her leave after awhile and said she had to rush to AMK library to facilitate discussions at a Chinese readers club formed by taxi drivers. Apparently a couple of readers' clubs have been formed where readers meet say monthly or bi-monthly to share their thoughts about a book. Before she left she encouraged us volunteer story tellers to form our own book club and suggested the library officer in charge of us to facilitate.

Anyway my blog today has a mission. The NLB also conducts a reading programme known as "kidsREAD". It recruits volunteers from community self‐help groups and individuals to engage in reading related activities with children aged 4 to 8 years old from low‐income families. This nation wide reading initiative was launched in April 2004 and aims to promote the love of reading and cultivate good reading habits among all young Singaporeans, in particular children from low‐income families. We were told to spread the message that volunteers are still needed for this programme. By the way a lot of activities including story telling sessions at the libraries are conducted during weekends so working adults can volunteer as well. However as this kidsREAD programme involves the same group of children every week, it is preferable that a volunteer can commit for at least 6 months to build the rapport. Ah another message, Chinese and Malay storytellers at various libraries are lacking as well. So if anyone is interested do go to NLB website to register and find out more.

Spiritual thoughts

The MET (Metropolitan Museum of Art NY) has a segment which is offsite in uptown Manhattan amiss a park and atop a hill overlooking the Hudson River. It houses beautiful works of Medieval Art. It is named The Cloisters because of its vaulted archways and re-created gardens of the Middle Ages.

I visited on a weekday and as I had the luxury of time I tagged along 2 different groups of Arts Students led by the Museum tour guides. It was my first introduction to appreciating and interpreting art pieces and it was very enlightening. What really struck me is the very strong religious influence in these art pieces.

In the wee hours at night due to jet lag (back in Singapore), it started me thinking about religious influences in both Asia and the West for generations. It seems to me people are born with different realm of spiritual disposition. Some have more ability or need to reach for the inner self or soul. They find themselves in religion, art, music and nature.

I believe however that the way to spiritual growth can be accessible by every person on earth. It does not appeal to me then that any religion that is exclusive in nature (the one and only way to salvation) can be the universal answer to man’s deliverance. A simple housewife say in India or Vietnam should be able to find her spiritual self just as much as the renowned artists that produce those great pieces of art. The other way for the ordinary man and woman has then to be “love and kindness”, that is the ability to love, be it just within the family or beyond. To help ordinary people along, religions have therefore universally preached these virtues and selflessness.

Just like the rings that are added to a tree trunk over the years, I think a person’s spiritual life grows with engagements with one’s inner self. Also, just as trees have different thickness, so people are born with different spiritual disposition probably as a “passed down” from a previous life.

Exciting New York

Yes, it may be rather scary staying in New York (read my encounter mentioned in previous blog). However the city offers much to feast your senses including numerouus parks, a list of museums, nearby islands, beautiful bridges, gorgeous architecture and buroughs with different ethnic flavour. I also spent quite a bit of time having a cuppa whilst watching people go by. The city is very cosmopolitan. Once whilst travelling in the train I decided to take note of the ethnicity of the passengers in the car. There was a fair distribution of caucasians, blacks, hispanics,jJews, Indians, Chinese and people of other Asian origin. In some way you can feel quite at ease in New York because no one cares or gives you a second look.

Emerging from the subway at different stations is always a bit of a surprise because each burough has its own face and characteristics. My stay so far has been interesting including attending a show at a TV studio by courtesy of my daughter queuing up for hours to get the tickets. The show was "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart",(an American political satirist, television host, media critic and stand-up comedian). This was the first time I had been to a TV studio and I felt kind of awkward having to cheer, catcall and applaud with the Americans to reach a certain decibel as instructed by the facilitators before the entrance of the host. Most times I couldn't really catch the jokes maybe because the references were unfamiliar to me. Fortunately the show took on a more serious slant during the second half when the host kind of grilled the guest who is the Republican whip and has been a critique of Obama's policies. Still I was a bit worried that the camera caught me looking stoned when all around me broke into laughters hahaha.

Yesterday I went to the MET (Metropolitan Museum), my second visit since my first 3 years ago. I discovered that I have missed out so much during my first visit. The collection is really mind boggling and I am quite sure I will visit the MET every time I come to NY (hopefully there will be more chances of such).


Ok got to go and do a bit of cleaning now that my daughter has left for classes. See my stay here is also occasionally met with her black face when I nag about the mess in the room. She instructs me not to touch her things, but I can't stand it and will risk her fustration by sprucing up a bit. I guess the tiffs add to the excitement of my stay :)

Different people

The Berliners are incredibly helpful. If you just stop awhile and stare in bewilderment at the complex electronic train schedules above you, you will inevitably be approached by some German with "May I help?" in crisp English. Even at the bus stops when you and your partner argue over the right bus to take, some eavesdropping German will offer to end the confusion. My husband and I spent 4 nights in Berlin. It was a favourable experience, learning about German history (from the time it was Prussia to the Nazi Regime, to the division after second world war and until the reunification) and admiring the beautiful architecture. It came as a pleasant surprise to me that Germans are helpful as I always have the impression that they are serious and stiff.

After Berlin and UK I flew over to New York to bunk with my daughter at her college room, whlist my husband returned home to Singapore. On our fist day out after a full day of activities we took the tube home. It was past 10 pm and the train was fairly crowded. About 3 seats away from us a black man had a white sack between his knees. Out of a sudden, he pulled out a long sword from the sack and struck at the row of seats opposite us which was fully occupied. It didnt hurt anyone but the poster above the seats was torn. The woman sitting just beneath the poster screamed and dashed for the door leading to the next car. My daughter and I followed her. There was a commotion when people tried to rush to the adjoining cars. Whilst in the adjoining car the train halted and we could hear voices shouting "Get our of the train". The train remained stationary for quite a long time. After sometime we saw him leaving the train and leaning against the wall at the platform. The train doors however had difficulties closing. Those were tense moments as we feared he might re-enter the train. To our relief the doors finally closed and the train moved on.
However I wondered about the safety of other passengers at the platform or in the train that he might hop onto. This is my third trip to New York. I have from my previous visits already formed an opinion that New Yorkers are not friendly. Now I think I have to be more alert as well.