Never Say Never

If I were to use a phrase to describe the course of 2008, it has to be "Never Say Never".

When oil started to drop from its peak of $150 and someone mentioned a $50 number, my son laughed and said oil will NEVER fall that low. He lost his bet.

When both my children thought Obama stood a good chance to become president, way before defeating Hilary Clinton, I said US will NEVER vote for a black president, at least not this election. I lost my bet.

When the banks sold the Lehman Minibonds to retail investors, they thought Lehman will NEVER fail. They got into deep trouble as a result.

When people thought a prisoner can NEVER escape from a Singapore prison, the most wanted person in Singapore did.

And so the list goes on and on. Out of all these shocks, a form of mental preparedness arose. The mind now learns to think that even the unimaginable can happen. So whilst some believe the financial crisis is far from over and may plunge into a depression, very few analysts dare to boldly declare NEVER. Vice versa very few analysts dare to boldly disagree with others who opined that a stock market rally is likely to occur in the last quarter of 2009. All have learnt to think NEVER SAY NEVER.

On a personal front I have my fair share of perceived "nevers" that eventually hurt. Nevertheless there is also one that brings unexpected delight. I used to think I will NEVER keep a cat as a pet because cats love comfort and take advantage of their owners. Then a cat walked into my home and from thence on I have often said with a twinkle in my eye "NEVER SAY NEVER".

Injustice to the mind

It is quite amazing that one can live past half a century and still fails to analyse things, what a terrible waste of the beautiful mind. During the last module of my course which is the Research Module, we practised critiquing research articles. At class we were asked to critique a certain research article in groups and made presentation later. With the checklist of things to look out for, most groups (if not all) gave rather positive comments, faithfully going through the pointers one by one. However the writer turns out to be quite a frivolous researcher who writes loads of research articles without depth. Fundamentally, we did not researched about him and the publisher.Of course we justified by saying we are layman who are not familiar with medical journals, bla bla bla.
However from this experience, I confirm my suspicion about a characteristic that I have (which hopefully does not apply to others of my age ), that being an innate trust in printed words. I have a naive acceptance of printed forms especially where the article looks stately or officious. I wonder whether this is a conditioning from the school education of my time. Those days education mainly took the form of passing examination which can be quite easily achieved as long as you know your facts through and through in the prescribed textbooks. Thus the belief in every word in print. Unfortunately this extends to the words of truth from the teachers' mouth. It is quite amazing that after all these years I still seldom question the delivery of most teachers, lecturers or trainers in whatever form (other than those bankers in my ex-job who try to educate me in order to sell their product, huh no way).

So equipped with the often preached principle in counselling that you do not tell your clients but must lead them to form their own conclusion, I met with quite a bit of frustration with some clients who may take a lifetime to develop some rationale (often those with less education). So even though I question the universality of this principle I try my best not to deviate. Fortunately after I feedback my feelings to my supervisor and colleagues, they tell me with certain clients I can be directive. See what I mean, only when others say it's OK, I believe it's OK, i.e. I do not trust my own judgement.

I just feel I have kind of done injustice to my mind all these years, never letting it develop. My mind has probably become stunted and very soon will hide either under the pretext of "dementia" or suffer the real onset of it.

Romancing the Unchanged

Took another makan sutra trip to KL over the weekend, gorging the finest char siew and the heavenly but sinful black KL Hokkien noodles amongst others and others.

Next year 2009 will mark the 40th anniversary of my return to Singapore. 'Return' because I am a Singaporean who spent 10 years in KL as a child and then returned to Spore as a teenager in 1969. A mere 10 years and it has a solid place in my heart; for this land often beckons. Those 10 years were not rainbow coloured blissful existence. Quite the contrary they were rough times of anxiety filled moments at home and rather miserable primary school days; but yet this land always beckons.Why?

Apart from indulging my palates, I get delight in recognising and remembering, recognising places I used to go as a child, remembering food I used to take and recalling events that happened. First of all the very block of flats where I lived is still standing, albeit extremely run down. So is the wet market where I used to watch live chicken's throat being slit and thrown into a deep barrel for their final kicks. So is this coffee shop, that old tree, this chinese book store, that kaya stall, etc etc. Get the drift? It is the permanence and the certainty, that no matter how long I am away, these places are there to great me when I return. Herein lies the value of things that last.

So whilst I now live in a country that values change and progress, I go back often to a land where that sorry looking state of the flat I lived in 40 years ago beckons and provides me a dose of stability and rootedness.

A Plumber and a Counsellor

Phew! After submitting 10 short essays and 2 long essays, can take a breather at least until next module. So I shall engage in silly banters.

Last Saturday my kitchen floor was flooded. The pipe and the floor trap are choked with hardened fat from the kitchen sink. Even my very very DIY husband admitted defeat and summoned NTUC Plumber (gosh this NTUC should aim for best butler status!). A guy came in less than 45 minutes, carried out a less than half hour job and charged $85. If you count by the hour, he actually earns $170 an hour including $20 bucks he has to pay NTUC.

My school counsellor told me some schools are starting to engage part time qualified counsellors at $50 an hour. I thought "hmmm...not so bad" until I know what a plumber charges.

Of course the guy has to put up with all the grime, especially with every pull of the pump the grime and the filth gushes out at his feet. But so has the counsellor to put up with all the clogged material in the minds of the client too. See it all boils down to clearing the mind of misconceived notions and beliefs isn't it. At least for the plumber, the grime "gushes out". The plumber's feet may be dirtied but he can wash the dirt immediately (which he did in my backyard and my husband had to wash the backyard hahaha). His job is done in a jiff and he gets customer satisfaction instantly because I gave him a big smile of relief and happily parted with $85. In the case of counsellors however, they don't immediately wash the "clog" off their minds the minute the client walks out. They muse and reflect and think about the best intervention for the next appointment (at least for novices and those green on the job). Cases may draw on for several sessions whilst you look out for small progress (just like watching the water in your flooded kitchen ebbing ever so slowly). As one experienced counsellor/ writer puts it “Thus I may advise, argue, badger, cajole, goad, implore, or simply endure, hoping that the patient’s neurotic world view will crumble away from sheer fatigue". And the client doesn't give you a big smile of relief at the end of each session. Most times, they give you a faint smile at most especially after an emotional session.

So if you think of quitting your job or switching career, dont omit plumber whilst considering your alternatives.

Still Searching Phase 2

Is it time to move on to phase 2 or am I forever stucked at phase 1 haha?
A review is needed but to show some progress I just call it phase 2. Phase 1 saw me wondering about this and that; firstly did I make a stupid blunder in quitting my job and thoughts of retracking when opportunities still arose, feeling useless (especially when usefulness is measured by economic productivity or cash inflow), convincing myself of achieving satisfaction in other ways bla bla bla. Not that these dilemma is all over but probably going into a new year I may have a better idea what I don't want (spoilt hehe!) Hey that's some progress also, knowing what you can do without.

Ok I know I can not work again if it involves a lot of administrative details or justifying your actions or abiding with a lot of laid down policies (I know I know no one will employ me after reading this). That rules out social work. You see when I have to put up a report to seek financial aid for a client, I asked my colleague in exasperation "Must the client really fill up all these?" (refering to declaration and paper evidence of all assets, liabilities, payslips, CPF statements of everyone in the household, etc etc etc). My colleague answered me tersely, "They usually don't have much to declare lah". Oops of course but still. Sigh I never forget why I quit my previous job, too much bureaucracy and justification to do things. Well well that means I am a really poor candidate for employment. I also discover I am no angel to want to put up with these to help others.

However I discover something about myself this 1 & 1/2 years or so. I find children and teenagers like to talk to me and I enjoy talking to them. A few new found lady friends/acquaintances also share their very personal problems with me. I wonder whether it is because I am taking on a grandmotherly countenance? Flattering and NOT flattering at the same time. I have also been reflecting when I do tai-chi every sunday morning (although my master always says we should empty our mind and concentrate on the movements). As I am no saint I also covet for luxurious things. So I thought what will really give me pleasure is a luxurious home and luxurious travelling, no need for branded stuff and mingling with upper class. But living a life just soaking up such pleasures is also not good enough. So if I am given a choice I will have both luxurious living/travelling plus some activities that engage children and teenagers, some fulfilment in helping them or making them happy. Of course longer term I hope to have grandchildren but like in all things with my children, I am not pressurising and can only treat it as a bonus if that happens.

Such is my dream. The luxurious part, come to think of it is good to have but really is secondary to the fulfilment thingy. See, in the course of this 1 & 1/2 years I have also met clients, new acquaintances from my studies and practicum who live lives in different ways and that set me thinking too. I have met clients who just "huo zhe" (literally live on) and hope the next day will be better than today, childless couples who find so much joy just talking about their pets and generally people who do not reflect every weekend during taichi wondering what will make them happy(hahaha).

SO for the next phase I won't be thinking too much and reflecting less. I will continue with the school counselling activities, acquire more skills in this field, spruce up my home a bit, unclutter and decorate it a bit (to make it a bit more Bayan Tree like if at all possible) and will void my mind and concentrate on my movements during taichi class, i.e "huo zhe" at least during taichi class. And incidentally, a Siamese cat walked into my home and I feel like a mother of a toddler again!