Since my maid left in Jan 2008 I have not engaged a maid. Neither have I made any cheese cake. The task seems really daunting with all the washing up (even though I am really talking about a very very basic cheese cake, i.e. no baking and just using biscuits as a base). So when my husband felt like eating he did it himself with my constant cautioning that I will not help.
OK yesterday I made one despite being quite drained after school, as a substitute for a birthday gift for my husband (haha did not make any effort to get something). When I was cutting the peaches into bits, I suddenly missed my maid. See, when she was around she would prepare all the ingredients, bring down the mixer from the top most shelve of the cabinet, clean it etc etc.(which can be really time consuming). When everything was laid out properly, I would then descend like a principal chef with my recipe note book and carry out the processes in as efficient a manner as possible before leaving the war torn kitchen to be cleared up by the maid of course. You can understand how easy it was for me to make cheese cake then.
But hey why I missed my maid yesterday was something more. On her last birthday in Singapore before going home she requested me to make one for her so that she could share with her friends on her off day. I obliged because it was no great pain right. Yesterday checking on the cake which was left in the fridge to form and admiring its "perfection" my thoughts was like "if only she was here to taste it". She was my greatest fan for cheese cake.
I never really liked my maid because she was often making hordes of silly excuses and testing my intelligence in believing her. But we lived together for about 16 years! My son often complained that she competed with him for the better chocolates,cookies and cakes and never touched stuff of lesser quality. Come to think of it her animosity with my son over good chocolates must have been quite bad because when she calls to say hello she never enquires much about him (haha). That's the thing. Since she left she called quite often, sent good wishes during festive seasons and even on our national day and said how much she missesd us. She called to enquire about my daughter guessing that she would be back for summer holiday. My son thinks she is trying to make a come back. But no that is not it, she is doing well renting out a van which she bought with her savings.I really think she misses the life in Singapore, the food, shopping and socialising on her days off. Most of all I think she is still struggling to adapt to a new lifestyle. Just thought with a tinge of forlorn how my decision to change my own lifestyle impacted hers.Yes I have resigned from my job for almost a year and a half now. There are still moments when I muse over the what ifs. Only my counselling training checks my feelings.
Hmmm... about the cheese cake, I actually wanted to sms her " Hey I make cheese cake today, how i wish you are here to taste it!". I did not.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Comic Relief
Well now that you are riding the roller coaster, hand over your face, peeping in between fingers and hoping the next drop will be the last, relax, look at the stars in the galaxy of the space mountain, haha. To help you along here are some comic relief (:
About Wall Street executives- Now that the market for his services has collapsed, he has time to go home and figure out which of the children roaming around the mansion are actually his- Bloomberg
Amongst the US$700 billion notional derivative contracts in Lehman's books, some is insurance sold by Lehman against the risk of other companies defaulting-Bloomberg. (Likewise with AIG. Wonder whether companies selling safes and vaults are booming? Time to draw cash and stash at home?)
Commentor's remark about Bush's 2 minute statement on the crisis after the decision to rescue AIG- "He didn't stay to take questions. It is so short you really need to read between the lines"
Until today (before the 2 minute statement), Bush had publicly uttered 160 words about the worst Wall Street crisis since the Great Depression- Bloomberg
Now I don't know about you, but I am definitely poorer. So I started to whine, which is my nature anyway. Then when I went to my school and asked one of my clients (14 year old student) to list out the things he wanted most (as in his dream world) so that we could then compare them with his real world and discuss how his actions are either helping or hurting steps towards bridging the gap, here they are in descending priority:
1) Family to be more healthy ( Real world- mother immobile with diabetes, father has asthma and stays home to take care of mother)
2) Family to be more happy if have more money ( Real world- family is sad cos no money and on financial assistance)
3) To be able to go out more with family and friends ( Real world- no money so can not go out)
Narrowing the great divide in society may possibly be something good?
(at least between the masters of universe (term for investment bankers) and those on aid)
About Wall Street executives- Now that the market for his services has collapsed, he has time to go home and figure out which of the children roaming around the mansion are actually his- Bloomberg
Amongst the US$700 billion notional derivative contracts in Lehman's books, some is insurance sold by Lehman against the risk of other companies defaulting-Bloomberg. (Likewise with AIG. Wonder whether companies selling safes and vaults are booming? Time to draw cash and stash at home?)
Commentor's remark about Bush's 2 minute statement on the crisis after the decision to rescue AIG- "He didn't stay to take questions. It is so short you really need to read between the lines"
Until today (before the 2 minute statement), Bush had publicly uttered 160 words about the worst Wall Street crisis since the Great Depression- Bloomberg
Now I don't know about you, but I am definitely poorer. So I started to whine, which is my nature anyway. Then when I went to my school and asked one of my clients (14 year old student) to list out the things he wanted most (as in his dream world) so that we could then compare them with his real world and discuss how his actions are either helping or hurting steps towards bridging the gap, here they are in descending priority:
1) Family to be more healthy ( Real world- mother immobile with diabetes, father has asthma and stays home to take care of mother)
2) Family to be more happy if have more money ( Real world- family is sad cos no money and on financial assistance)
3) To be able to go out more with family and friends ( Real world- no money so can not go out)
Narrowing the great divide in society may possibly be something good?
(at least between the masters of universe (term for investment bankers) and those on aid)
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Out of the country to lose my identity
Last weekend I made a short trip to KL (to feast). I don't know how to describe it. Everytime I am out of Singapore, be it crossing the causeway, the second link, at the airport departure hall (other than on business trips) or at the ferry terminal to Bintan,I have a very good feeling. I used to ascribe it to the promises of leisure and free from work routine. But even now that I don't work and don't suffer from work stress, the feeling is still good. I am trying to analyse why. So I try cognitive method, i.e. what am I thinking that is antecedent to this pleasant feeling. As the plantations roll on and on and the streaks of clouds seem to swirl like the tail of a pheasant against the body of the faraway hill, I wasn't thinking of anything. My mind was quiet. The funny music from the driver's hp that interspersed the soft drone of the coach engine does not disturb me. Perhaps it is the openess, the space that make me feel I am a small particle of this vastness. I have no need to fulfil any ambtition and no need to satisfy any desire to feel good about myself, ie. no need to feel purposeful in any way.
Ah but if nature inspires this type of feeling, how do I explain the good feeling even at the airport departure hall. Usually when making an overseas trip, everything already planned, all errands at home properly instructed and settled, the feeling of real freedom sets in.I guess then it all boils down to the suspension of care and worries. It is almost like losing your identity for a brief time. This perhaps also explains the drudgery when returning home, the drudgery of assuming the "ME". The "ME" that calls for maybe purposefulness or an image by which I am satisfied with and which I want others to hold me as.
If that's the reason then it has nothing to do with Singapore. It is in my own mind and how I perceive that once I touch Singapore soil I have to "strive" because every other person is striving to uphold their own image (be if wealth, benevolence or being well balanced and having it all).
"We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive at the present moment" (from "24 Brand New Hours" by Thich Nhat Hanh)
Ah but if nature inspires this type of feeling, how do I explain the good feeling even at the airport departure hall. Usually when making an overseas trip, everything already planned, all errands at home properly instructed and settled, the feeling of real freedom sets in.I guess then it all boils down to the suspension of care and worries. It is almost like losing your identity for a brief time. This perhaps also explains the drudgery when returning home, the drudgery of assuming the "ME". The "ME" that calls for maybe purposefulness or an image by which I am satisfied with and which I want others to hold me as.
If that's the reason then it has nothing to do with Singapore. It is in my own mind and how I perceive that once I touch Singapore soil I have to "strive" because every other person is striving to uphold their own image (be if wealth, benevolence or being well balanced and having it all).
"We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive at the present moment" (from "24 Brand New Hours" by Thich Nhat Hanh)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
"Irrational Exuberance"- 180 degree
Got a week off from school, did a review on the dividend payout of the STI components at current price. At indicative 12 mth yield hovering above 3% for many, was wondering whether it is time to pick up some stocks. A few months back an ex-colleague was mentioning the index could well touch 2600. "Aiyo, touch wood" was my response. Now at 2670, it is not unthinkable, maybe can be worse.
Over dinner, my son told me he could remember I used to come home and repeatedly exclaimed Greenspan's favourite phrase "Irrational Exuberance! Irrational Exuberance!". I could recall those days when I thought the runaway prices of some stocks was irrational. I used to acquire only stocks that paid good dividends. At those heady prices, the percentage of return from dividend would have dropped substantially unless earnings grew in the same momentum as the prices. So on days when I felt more rational and less greedy, I sold some only to watch the price ran up and up and regretted again and again. Can you believe it prices have now fallen to below the very first level of "regrettable" sales.
Now we are at the other spectrum, some stocks are paying fabulous dividends.Ok if we go defensive and consider for example StarHub, the indicative 12 month yield is 6.4% or SPH the indicative yield is 6.5%. But now the sentiment is so bad and the exact reverse is happening, i.e. every time you think you are rational and start buying, you watch the prices go down further and you regret. Going by the same pattern of human behaviour, I will stop buying. However if I am suppose to learn from history, I will one day also regret not trusting my rationale. So, dilemma, dilemma.
Watching CNBC provided some clues though. One analyst (never mind who, they are all wrong anyway) says don't go all out. Go cost averaging, i.e. nibble at various levels. Hmmm....I like his advice, suits me fine. Why? Because now that I don't work I can only NIBBLE anyway.
Over dinner, my son told me he could remember I used to come home and repeatedly exclaimed Greenspan's favourite phrase "Irrational Exuberance! Irrational Exuberance!". I could recall those days when I thought the runaway prices of some stocks was irrational. I used to acquire only stocks that paid good dividends. At those heady prices, the percentage of return from dividend would have dropped substantially unless earnings grew in the same momentum as the prices. So on days when I felt more rational and less greedy, I sold some only to watch the price ran up and up and regretted again and again. Can you believe it prices have now fallen to below the very first level of "regrettable" sales.
Now we are at the other spectrum, some stocks are paying fabulous dividends.Ok if we go defensive and consider for example StarHub, the indicative 12 month yield is 6.4% or SPH the indicative yield is 6.5%. But now the sentiment is so bad and the exact reverse is happening, i.e. every time you think you are rational and start buying, you watch the prices go down further and you regret. Going by the same pattern of human behaviour, I will stop buying. However if I am suppose to learn from history, I will one day also regret not trusting my rationale. So, dilemma, dilemma.
Watching CNBC provided some clues though. One analyst (never mind who, they are all wrong anyway) says don't go all out. Go cost averaging, i.e. nibble at various levels. Hmmm....I like his advice, suits me fine. Why? Because now that I don't work I can only NIBBLE anyway.
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