A Ball of Colours in Us

I thank the person who gave the encouraging comment on my previous blog. Really there is a bit of everything in us, vanity inclusive. I believe even as there is a desire to help others (whether it is partially for self gratification), there is also the proud and egoistic self, all in varying intensities in all of us.

I think of every individual as a colourful being, a ball of blended shades. If say purple represents vanity then there is a deep purple in someone with a strong desire for glamour. The purple will just be one of many colours which constantly change in a continum . So if you will, there may be a stronger shade of pink today which may represent love and a paler shade of green, for being less envious of others; or for that matter a darker black the next day when you feel like murdering the boss.

In certain stages of our lives, we are more conscious of the colours in us and may wish to moderate the darker shades and invite into us certain colours which never have a chance to emerge.

Glamour/ Class

When I first started work almost 30 years ago, I was an accountant with a small but fast growing trading/manufacturing company run by a family of brothers (all professionals who left their jobs to help their eldest brother run the company). Eventually I left the company and moved on to a statutory board to learn a more structured system of doing things. My ex-bosses however requested that I helped them keep account of their personal investments. So for a few months, every alternate Saturday I made my way to their huge bungalow at Katong to help them keep track of their investments. I would have lunch cooked by their mother. The brothers adored and respected their mother because she toiled to bring them up under very difficult financial circumstances. After what seemed like an effortless task, she would sit at the marble table in the big kitchen,fanning herself whilst the maids did the cleaning up. She was the kind of old lady whose calm countenance and unruffled temperament must have given her children much strength in their growing up years. Her food was honestly very delicious and it did not need much pretense on my part to compliment her cooking. This image of her somehow etched in my memory.

This image could have given rise to some wild dreams (those which you sometimes indulge like jetting around the world in a private jet kind). I told my children how good it would be if one day they become CEO or something and have a open house. (Must really be as senior as CEO to ensure people bother to curry favour.) I would then whip up some dish and urge their subordinates to eat, saying it is cooked by me. I would then relish the compliments, lies and superfluous praises endowed on me. I would stay to banter and see them struggle with small talks with me, (hahaha, funny and half-sadistic dream).But alas my children will never be CEOs. They are more likely to be poor writers of unknown journals or some eccentric academics pondering about where the world is going.

Anyhow this is part of what glamour and 'class' is all about, and I am not surprised most people have some desires to be glamorous or classy albeit ranging from slight to raging. It can be achieved in various forms. So it was when Wendy Murdoch gave a twirl on the red carpet to show off her beautiful outfit for the paparazzi at a gala event (whilst Rupert Murdoch stood to one side giving his young Chinese wife the amused look). It is also the kind of feeling when people give you the second look, even though really it is at your wrist with the expensive watch or the branded bag on your shoulder or even your dainty pedicured toes on Jimmy Choo slippers (sorry don't know which watch and bag is most expensive!). It is also the SIA girls mollycoddling to ensure your comfort in business class (incidentally my daughter just swore she won't travel by SIA anymore because of the marked disparity in service for locals and foreigners even for economy seats). It is when you are a VIP at a business function and your host and his minions throng around to welcome you or when you are made to believe you are special by the private bankers (or deceived to feel special by priority banking executives). The list is endless varying for different age group and different social hierarchies.
Hmmm...as for me, being the Scrooge that I am and aiming for a career that only gives intangible rewards at most, I must think of some other means to get the glamour kick that I may need occasionally.

My progress or the lack of it (counseling)

Was quite busy with video recording counseling sessions as an assignment together with other written assignments to be handed up. I had my first supervision a week ago. Supervision refers to an apprentice getting feedback from a qualified and experienced counselor whilst you are counseling a helpee.
My supervisor complimented me for having what they term as a "hypnotic counselor voice", i.e. a soothing comforting voice which kind of hypnotize client to share and pour their hearts out.However my biggest drawback for that session was my eagerness to get the client to achieve something out of the session, i.e."pushing the client towards a goal". Supervisor commented that if the client wants to explore their feelings even for 10 sessions we have to pace the client. Only when the client is ready to change can we explore change together.
After the session, I joked with my classmates that with my "hypnotic" counselor voice, I can probably make money out of rich people like "tai tais" for instance who just feel good talking, rambling and venting, without wanting to change (eg. they don't really want to walk out of their wealthy husbands do they, hahaha).To assuage my guilt I will then apportion the other half of my time volunteering.

Today's papers about the mother who killed her 13 year old teenage son strikes me again that so many people really need help. Gosh, the boy could well be just one of the students whom I talk to. (I am a volunteer assistant school counselor). It is just so tragic, and the boy was known to be quite "bubbly" which means he and his mother probably aren't even candidates for counseling. The prevalent focus on economic well being has overshadowed people's emotional needs. So little resources is channeled towards netizen's emotional health; assuming the family support system will take care of it. I suggested once to the father of one of my students that there was little supervision at home. He then embarked on his long lament "You know how difficult it is to earn a living in Spore, when can I find time to monitor him ( I found out they stay in a condo ) . Anyway he has a long list of requests of the school including making his son stay back in school the whole day under supervision. Is this a question of shirking responsibility as a parent or is it a real life struggle between basic and 'secondary' needs, I don't know. ( Here I really mean I do not know and is not being sarcastic. I am still wondering.)

Then there is this self proclaimed rebellious girl whom I have a growing fondness. Into our second session I revealed to her a bit about myself which counselors should actually refrain from doing. She chatted passionately about what she likes and what she hates but didn't really disclose much about her family. She said she was offered tuition by her teacher and church friend which she flatly refused because she doesn't care about passing her exams. Phew! Asking her the reasons why she felt that way really put her off. At a loss myself , I sighed and exclaimed more to myself than to her (another no no ) "How come you always say I don't really care?" I didn't expect an answer really. After a long pause.... "You know why," she said " Because if the person who gave birth to you doesn't care about you, why should you care".