mo qi (husband & wife)

Now my master of the Chinese language is probably less than that of a primary 3 student . However I believe I am using the right words to describe what I witness this morning between a couple in my taiji class.

The man is about mid to late forties and the wife early forties perhaps. They are my classmates in taiji class. I have often observed that even as they sauntered into class they will be chatting and will exchange the "you know what I mean" glances before they take their respective position in class.
Today they were rather late. The husband immediately followed our movements after taking his position. The wife carried out her own warming up exercises instead even though she stood in line, ignoring what the class was doing. When their eyes met both faces broke out into smiles, one of gentle rebuke and another that of a girlish rebel.


A thought suddenly came to my mind "This is a very very lucky and blessed couple". Looks like they are still able to maintain the humour in their relationship. I think if you have a spouse whom you really enjoy being with for many years into your old age, you are just so blessed. When the children are big and the empty nest syndrome surfaces, it is often a very exacting transition for a couple. This is the time when the common topic "children" is no longer available. The couple is left to talk about their own individual focus which they now discover is so different. However they can of course learn to give and take and make things work. They can make an effort to ignore their differences and consciously look out for activities they both enjoyed. They can then spend some time doing these activities together whilst giving space to each other. But what I am saying it is so good if the "mo qi" comes naturally. Dictionary explains "mo qi" as "tacitly in agreement" (haha that is the best dictionary I have at home)

PS. please correct me if i used the words wrongly

puppet unwired

I realise it is not easy for a puppet to move when finally released from strings and wires.
I read Ignatious Low's article over the weekend. He related how he had followed advice and took paths which offered most prospects (and which did) but finally switched career and found happiness in the thing he loves most, writing.

I am perhaps half a generation older than him and was brought up to be perhaps even more focused on the practical aspects of life. My parents, her parents and their parents struggled to stay alive in China. With these struggles values are imbued that passed down survial kits to future generations.Hence I was taught to study hard, work hard to earn a living, try hard to be a good daughter and mother all my life. I was so wired and conditioned that I did not spare time to reflect what "I" as an individual really want for "myself" and what would really make "me" happy.

I have now quit my job and am free to pursue what I really like to do. However , beware, that does not come easy as most people think, I mean knowing what you really like to do. Also beware, the guilt feeling of being an "idler" and "economically inactive" denizen may also plague you at times. This is more so with wise men in the government issuing constant warnings that you will surely die early if you retire and can't find anything worthwhile to do. Yes, I delight in doing stuff like story telling and I do find some purpose volunteering at schools. But the true passion is still undiscovered and I am not even sure whether I have any at all . Sigh, I feel that after all these years of not letting any real passion surface, it could have been lost forever. It takes much to rekindle the lost flames. (this was drafted earlier, new feelings below)

I met up with a long lost classmate yesterday. After varsity she became a PE teacher and after stints at a few schools, was posted to a prestigious school where she remained for several years. She quit late last year and after a break is taking up a PE teaching job in Msia. As you could have imagined, we had a lot to share. I remarked it must be a biological clock inside us that prompts us to do something different. But what she tells me gave me further insight. She commented how she hoped to go back to do the basics that she loved in teaching PE. She meant basics like bringing the student hiking, running and exploring nature etc. In her former top ranking school, she constantly had to think of new things to show that the school is always on the ball, always "one up", to impress parents and achieve certain KPIs (key performanc indicators).

Now it strikes me that my earlier lament about not finding real passion may not be so relevant after all. Passion or maybe let's call it by a lesser name, "things I like to do" may after all lie in the basics. So, it need not be such grandiose plans as writing a book, being a world relief social worker or opening a chocolate outlet (haha not for several lifetimes). It could just be activities that draw simple remarks, like from someone saying, "I feel better after talking to you" or a simple comment from your son "Mum, your cooking is not bad huh".